I was reading an interesting article on Oprah.com this morning, "The confidence game, how to bring out your inner hotshot." If I had any more confidence, I'd be annoying (probably already am, but too bad!) I was just interested in the article to see what it had to say about the topic.

I was able to tick off all of the indications of confidence (with confidence, even!) as I read through the article. Yep, I use furniture "wrong" in an office setting; I can maintain uncomfortable eye contact, etc etc etc.

Not too many years ago, people in the office would have never recognized the "Lori" outside of the office. If I were to put myself on a confidence scale of 1-10 back then, I'd be in the negative numbers. I had no confidence at all. Yet at work, you couldn't faze me. I was (and continue to be) NOT TO BE MESSED WITH.

I've always known my value at work. Outside of work, I had no value (in my head).

I can't really give a rhyme or reason about when the two selves fused, but I'm glad it happened. I'll admit that every now and then the old self peeks in, but it's rare and I'm able to shoo her away.

I think the best part of the personal emotional growth is that I can tell people, "don't tread on me". If they choose not to listen, then I choose not to spend my time with them. Who knew it could be so simple? Life is too darned short to be a welcome mat.

Back to the article... It pointed out that practicing the body language and speaking styles of a confident person, even if you don't feel that way, helps your brain to retrain its way of thinking. I've found that to be true. One of the benefits of "pretending" to feel confident is that you can see how others react to it. It's a lot better than you'd imagined, making it easier to not pretend the next time.

I suspect my hesitance to assert myself in the past was because I abhor aggressive people. It took a while for me to learn that you can be assertive AND kind at the same time. To me, that means I will not tread on others NOR will I allow others to tread on me. Pretty simple if you think about it in those terms.

Anyway, it's a good read if you need some confidence booster tips. It's also a good read if you want to know if you're in the right track.