It happened. Tonight as soon as I walked in my house.

I'm fully prepared (I think) to hear on Monday, "Lori- this is your 60 day notice". Unfortunately, that coincides with the day I have the biopsy. My whole team has to wait until I'm done with the biopsy and am home so we can all hear our outcomes in person. I think. Maybe we'll be hearing one at a time.

I don't know. All I know is that management wanted to know when I'd be home so I (or we?) could get the news.

I also don't know the outcome of The Hubs's job. We may or may not find out on the 5th of December.

I also don't know how the biopsy will turn out. I hope I'll find out by the 5th of December.

All I know is that I'm feeling a little crazy right now. There are so many what if's going on in my head. What if the biopsy turns out bad and we BOTH lose our job and insurance coverage?

Thankfully, I have Cobra- but it's gonna cost us almost 1k a month.

I think that tomorrow I'll contact my doctor to see about getting some Valium (or something like it). The panic attacks are coming on more frequently and I'm starting to feel unable to deal with all of THIS.

I've applied for three jobs today, even though I don't know when I'll be out of a job- just so I feel like I'm doing SOMETHING.

Monday. I can't wait for Monday. At least ONE thing will be off my list of "what if's". Only two more to go. Two big ones.

I can't wait until I find out what the lesson is in this. Damn, I'd better learn it because I do NOT want to go through this again.

Ever.