I had a wonderful day yesterday, starting with Hospice. When I looked at my logs, I noticed that it'd been over two months since I've volunteered there. I do not regret the decision to take the time off, because I needed to wrap my head around a few things so I could be of better service. It did feel good to be back.

As long-time readers know, I volunteer for grief and bereavement services and I make phone calls to family members and close friends of our patients who have passed on. My main responsibility is to assess their grief to see if they need more support from the counselors. I'm also calling them to just listen.

I've noticed something interesting in the time I've spent making these calls. I usually start out with, "I'm [RisibleGirl] from [x] Hospice and I'm just calling to check in with you to see how things have been for you in the past few weeks (or months). 99% of the time, the person on the other end of the phone says, "I'm doing OK" or "Things are going well". I've learned that if I keep my mouth shut for just a few moments, I oftentimes hear more.

I think these people are used to someone saying, "Oh, that's great".... "Glad to hear it"... etc. because the person calling really doesn't want to talk about it. It's not that friends aren't wanting to be supportive. I think that everyone is afraid of saying the wrong thing, which is a very natural fear. I believe it's very difficult to say the wrong thing if you're speaking from the heart. It's even more difficult to say the wrong thing if you are listening, rather than talking.

They'll never hear me say "Oh, I'm glad you're OK" and leave it at that. I just sit silently for a moment and then we start talking about what's REALLY going on.

I've had many hours of training, but I'm not a professional therefore do not offer advice. It's amazing how long a conversation can go on if you are simply affirming the other person. "It sounds like you're doing lots to take care of yourself".... "I'm glad that you're finding support in your friends".... that sort of thing.

I've had the most wonderfully inspiring 'conversations' by simply listening. I ended yesterday's session with a conversation that I'll post my feelings about later this week. I'm still processing it.

I seemed to have gone on a tangent. The title of this post is self care.

While I was making calls, one of the grief counselors was having a support group for men downstairs. I watched them leave after the session and thought about how wonderful it was that these men cared enough about themselves to take advantage of the services available to them. I saw men ranging from ages 30 through what looked to be 80's. I was particularly moved when I saw one of the younger men gently pat one of the older men on the back as they went their separate ways.

As I watched them get into their cars, I thought about each one. I couldn't see their faces clearly, but I don't think that matters. I just wished for each one of them that they receive what they needed in these sessions to work through their grief. Clearly they're doing their part and I wanted to do mine, even if it was from a distance.

I'm learning so much through my experiences with Hospice. Self care is something I struggle with, but it's people like that elderly man I saw yesterday that teach me how important taking care of myself is.