<![CDATA[Mostly Risible]]> http://www.mostlyrisible.com/index.php/weblog/index/ en Tue, 09 Mar 2010 19:52:00 -0500 <![CDATA[Quote of the day]]> http://www.mostlyrisible.com/index.php/weblog/comments/quote_of_the_day/ http://www.mostlyrisible.com/index.php/title_permalink=site/quote_of_the_day/#1629
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
~Dennis Wholey
]]> Tue, 09 Mar 2010 19:52:00 -0500 <![CDATA[Stories]]> http://www.mostlyrisible.com/index.php/weblog/comments/stories/ http://www.mostlyrisible.com/index.php/title_permalink=site/stories/#1628
After reading a brief summary of what the patient wanted to share, I knew that it was going to be more than 20 minutes. No problem. The recording device has a lot of capacity.

To say this man was ready for the interview is an understatement. He started talking from the moment I walked into the door and I had trouble finding a gracious way of saying, "hey- we need to start the recorder." So much for graceful.

Twenty minutes went by.... then another twenty... and another twenty.... until we were up to three hours worth of 20 minute stories.

This man's eighty-something years of life have been amazing. Three hours wasn't enough, so I made an appointment to meet with him again. That was yesterday.

Again, I was off to a completely ungraceful start. I just decided to turn on the recorder as soon as I could- even though he was in the middle of a story. We spent another three hours together and I still feel that he had more to share, but it's important that we get this finished and presented to the family. My volunteer coordinator is under pressure to get our first story finished so the social workers will feel comfortable in referring the (totally free) service to more people.

I told my new friend that we had to wrap this up, and told him what would happen next. And then I did something I wasn't really expecting. I told him that I wanted to continue visiting him even though our project was complete, which really put a smile on his face (mine too!) I really had/have no intention of volunteering in the patient-care side of Hospice, but there's something about this amazing man that made me want to see him again. I called the volunteer coordinator and asked him if I could be assigned as this man's volunteer.

I promised the coordinator that I wouldn't 'adopt' everyone whose story I would be recording. Besides, when will I have time? I've also signed up to be in the new Hospice Ambassador program. Public speaking to create awareness about Hospice and what it has to offer.

Man, it's a good thing I don't have a job.

::KIDDING:: But I do need to make sure that I keep this balanced. Balanced? What is that? ]]> Sun, 07 Mar 2010 00:03:00 -0500 <![CDATA[Lucky]]> http://www.mostlyrisible.com/index.php/weblog/comments/lucky1/ http://www.mostlyrisible.com/index.php/title_permalink=site/lucky1/#1627
I believe luck is preparation meeting opportunity. If you hadn't been prepared when the opportunity came along, you wouldn't have been 'lucky.' — Oprah


]]> Mon, 01 Mar 2010 17:39:00 -0500 <![CDATA[I’m SO sure!]]> http://www.mostlyrisible.com/index.php/weblog/comments/im_so_sure1/ http://www.mostlyrisible.com/index.php/title_permalink=site/im_so_sure1/#1626
::ahem:: for example:

Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah, zip-a-dee-ay, my oh my what an Einsteiny day.
Plenty of Einstein comin' my way, Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah, zip-a-dee-ay


There are several songs in my repertoire, but that one is my go-to song of the day. I don't think a day goes by that I'm not singing that song in one form or another.

Today is Friday, a half-day for me and I was shutting down my company laptop. In doing so, I fired up my Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah song to Einstein. What do I hear next? BJ shutting his office door!

I'm SO SURE!

OK, yes, I can understand that it could become annoying and yes, I do it several times a day but I told BJ he's going to miss it when I die.

NOTE: I'm not dying anytime soon- that's just my way of making him feel guilty. It's a good one, eh? ]]> Fri, 26 Feb 2010 20:42:00 -0500 <![CDATA[Glue factory, STAT!]]> http://www.mostlyrisible.com/index.php/weblog/comments/glue_factory_stat/ http://www.mostlyrisible.com/index.php/title_permalink=site/glue_factory_stat/#1625
Anyhoo- enough of the fatalistic thinking. Bleh.

My cardiologist says that he knows why I faint (tachycardia), but he doesn’t know the cause of the tachycardia, so he is sending me to another cardiologist that specializes in electrical problems of the heart and said that he’s going to advise that he surgically place an internal heart monitor. Here's some information about it if you're curious.

I would have this for up to a year, depending on how often I faint.

He also ran a slew of blood tests today.

It would certainly be nice to get to the bottom of this and get it treated so I quit bonking and breaking things. I’ve gained almost 20 lbs since breaking my foot because I’m supposed to stay off of it as much as possible until it’s healed. My instructions are, when it starts to hurt, get off of it. That takes about 10-15 minutes, which isn’t very long. I can’t even ride the bike because it involves moving my ankle around (where the stuff is torn.)

Summer is coming and I want to be ACTIVE again.

I go back to see the foot surgeon in April to see if surgical intervention is required.

Surgery, surgery, surgery. Thank goodness for health insurance. ]]> Wed, 24 Feb 2010 18:30:00 -0500 <![CDATA[An interesting exchange]]> http://www.mostlyrisible.com/index.php/weblog/comments/an_interesting_exchange/ http://www.mostlyrisible.com/index.php/title_permalink=site/an_interesting_exchange/#1624
...the breakfast was great, by the way.

The woman that seated us and then waited on us was, I'd guess, in her 60's. She wore a LOT of makeup and had on a white silk (looking) blouse. You could tell that her appearance was important to her and I'm guessing she was quite a 'looker' back in the day.

Nothing out of the ordinary happened, at least in my opinion. For example, I didn't offer to pick up the dishes, take them back and wash them for her. But what happened when we went to leave was very out of the ordinary.

We went to the cash register to pay and she handed me an envelope that had something in it. She smiled at me, said "God bless you" and told me to not open it until we'd left the restaurant.

I did as I was told and waited until we were in the car. In the envelope was a little bracelet made of beads the color of amber, and a card that read, "Thank you for being so kind". BJ just looked at me and chuckled, saying "what *is* it about you and strangers?"

I get that sort of thing a lot and BJ is getting used to it. I'm honestly not aware that I'm doing anything extraordinarily kind, but I am 'that person' that gets hugs from the shuttle driver (happened to me twice in less than a month, by two different shuttle drivers.) I think most people would be a little weirded out by being hugged by a virtual stranger, but I take it as a compliment because I know that I've done something to touch them emotionally and that's how they expressed it back to me.

The last shuttle driver that hugged me wouldn't even let me tip him, saying that having me as a passenger brightened his day. We were only together for about an hour. I don't remember anything in particular that we talked about that would have been a big deal.

Things like this make me wonder why being treated with kindness seems so unusual to people. I act upon the belief that we should all be kind and treat everyone like we'd want to be treated, but the actions of these people make me think that this is not the norm. It's as if they're not used to someone being kind to them, which makes me sad.

Of course, being this way does get me into many situations whereby I'm cornered by someone that wants to unload on me. I guess I just have to take the bad with the good.

I'm trying to think of a place to keep that bracelet so I can look at it often, thankful that someone took the effort to let me know that I made them feel good- because that makes ME feel good.

It's such a simple thing- being nice.]]> Mon, 22 Feb 2010 00:31:00 -0500 <![CDATA[Time is money, dagnabit!]]> http://www.mostlyrisible.com/index.php/weblog/comments/time_is_money_dagnabit/ http://www.mostlyrisible.com/index.php/title_permalink=site/time_is_money_dagnabit/#1623
Or even sitting on my keester, reading a book.

But then I look at my yard and cringe. I see all the hours it's going to take to prepare it for spring, and then the cycle of working on it every weekend just to keep it up. It's no longer fun for me. I like planting stuff during the spring, and want to continue doing that- but the weeding, pruning, etc. etc. etc. is just too much.

So, we've decided to hire it out. We interviewed our current landscaper- the guy who mows and fertilizes our lawn- and we're interviewing another one (Mr. Ho!) tomorrow. It's going to cost a lot to get it ready for spring, but the weekly outgo doesn't seem too bad.

Last spring and summer I wouldn't make plans for the weekend because I knew that I had to work on the yard. Then I'd procrastinate it until the weekend was over, feeling guilty the entire weekend. Not a good way to spend a weekend, if you ask me.

I'm really looking forward to having a yard that I can enjoy again- and having weekends to do fun stuff. I've been simplifying my life over the past few months, and this is just one more step in the process. Pretty soon, I'll hire someone named Raul to feed me grapes and fan me with big leaves.

Yeah, that's it. I'm sure BJ won't mind, right? ]]> Thu, 18 Feb 2010 18:48:00 -0500 <![CDATA[Thankful]]> http://www.mostlyrisible.com/index.php/weblog/comments/thankful/ http://www.mostlyrisible.com/index.php/title_permalink=site/thankful/#1622 Sun, 14 Feb 2010 21:18:00 -0500 <![CDATA[Holding my breath]]> http://www.mostlyrisible.com/index.php/weblog/comments/holding_my_breath/ http://www.mostlyrisible.com/index.php/title_permalink=site/holding_my_breath/#1621
I'm leaving for the airport at 5am for a 7:30 something flight. I'm hoping I won't get sick at all, but if I do it HAS to wait until I get home tomorrow night. I've flown way too many times with a stuffy nose/head and it's by far my least favorite thing to do. Besides, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't win a popularity contest if I infected the people at my destination.

The new furniture came, so BJ is convalescing in style and comfort in front of his 7ft movie screen. Einstein is laying smack next to my leg, so he's doing his own form of convalescence. Poor guys, but really they could have it much worse. For example, Ranger Mike also has the flu. He sounds miserable and doesn't have anyone to get his medicines or tuck him in. It makes me want to fly him out here so I can take care of all three of 'em.

Welp, see you on the other side of Saturday!]]> Fri, 12 Feb 2010 21:45:00 -0500 <![CDATA[Meeting my half-sister]]> http://www.mostlyrisible.com/index.php/weblog/comments/meeting_my_half_sister/ http://www.mostlyrisible.com/index.php/title_permalink=site/meeting_my_half_sister/#1620

Lots has happened with my grandmother since the last time I visited her. She is failing in both health and memory and is now living with one of my aunts. I'm prepared that this will be the last time I see her. She may not even know who I am, and I'm OK with that. After all, she only met me five years ago.

I suspect that after this meeting, I'll be inclined to keep in touch with my half-sister. I really hate that term, because I don't have ANY full-blooded siblings, and certainly don't refer to them as my half-brother, etc., yet I feel that calling her 'sister' would somehow dishonor the relationship I have with the siblings I grew up with.

I'll figure all of that out, I'm sure.

It's going to be a long and most likely emotional day for me. I fly out in the early morning, and fly back that night. I suspect that there will be lots of processing going on in my noggin, and for that I'm thankful for my trusty blog. In a few years, I'll look back on this part of my history and will have figured out everything by then. It'll be a nice reminder of my feelings and thoughts.

What a ride it's been, eh? It all started on Feb 23, 2005, when I both found my father and found out he was dead on the very same day. I didn't stop searching there, and am thankful for my tenacious nature. That lead to finding my grandmother, still alive at the age of 92, excited about meeting me.

When I think back over the last five years, I can hardly believe the roller-coaster of 'stuff' I've experienced. If I were to just tell my story to someone, I'm pretty sure they'd think I was embellishing because seriously? Just wow. No regrets and lots of wonder and opportunities for growth.

I suspect that 2010 is going to be a year of growth for me, which means there are both difficult and wonderful things in store. I have a feeling that this visit will go down in the 'wonderful' column. ]]> Thu, 11 Feb 2010 17:15:00 -0500 <![CDATA[For you, sweet Yvonne]]> http://www.mostlyrisible.com/index.php/weblog/comments/for_you_sweet_yvonne/ http://www.mostlyrisible.com/index.php/title_permalink=site/for_you_sweet_yvonne/#1619
Let Go
To let go does not mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off, it's the realization I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable, but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another, it's to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective, it's to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more.

~Fr. Robert Gehring, Maryknoll Associate Priest from the Diocese of Gary, Indiana, serving in Bolivia]]> Tue, 09 Feb 2010 05:35:00 -0500 <![CDATA[The last day of Hospice training and other stuff…]]> http://www.mostlyrisible.com/index.php/weblog/comments/the_last_day_of_hospice_training_and_other_stuff/ http://www.mostlyrisible.com/index.php/title_permalink=site/the_last_day_of_hospice_training_and_other_stuff/#1618
I have to go get two TB tests in a matter of two weeks and once again get a Antibody titer since my vaccination records are not in order. Remember the last time I did that? I had ZERO immunity to all of the things I'd been vaccinated for or even had as a child (mumps, chicken pox). I started the series of vaccinations, but didn't finish- so I have to go thru that again. Bleh. Hopefully the one set will be enough to make it so I don't have to get the rest of the series.

If I do, then I will. It's irresponsible to walk around unvaccinated, especially if I travel. It puts me and other people at risk to not be vaccinated. If I didn't know I had zero immunities to childhood disorders and the ability to make that right, unvaccinated people would be putting me at risk. Best to know, right?

Tuesday is my first assignment. Tomorrow I'm going to lay REALLY low. I'm zonked out from going from Vegas straight into a series of days of Hospice training.

I give my Hospice patient a call tomorrow night to make sure he's up for our adventure of storycatching. I'm the first volunteer they're rolling this out with, so it's up to me to make it a good example. They'll be sharing my work in a future inservice meeting.

We'll be asking for permission to share the stories, so if I'm able, I'll share them with you here. Let me tell you- this guy has had QUITE a life and his story is going to be fascinating.

In other news, it's going to be nice to be home tomorrow. I'm calling it the calm before the storm. I have loads of clients coming up and lots of work to do (gotta pay the tax man some way!), and I'm almost to the point of hiring my small little team of peeps. Eeeep! I've been fighting it too long. I've been told by the man who has the midus touch that I'm a fool for not growing my business. He's a very successful man and I respect his opinion a great deal- so I'm going to listen to his advice. I'm only going to grow enough to help out my boys. At least that's what I say now. I think the rest will come in the form of partners.

2010 is going to be the best year of my life. It's started out that way and I see nothing but wonderful things on the horizon. I can't wait to see all of it unfold. Put on your seatbelts, it's going to be quite a ride!]]> Mon, 08 Feb 2010 02:35:00 -0500 <![CDATA[Processing….]]> http://www.mostlyrisible.com/index.php/weblog/comments/processing/ http://www.mostlyrisible.com/index.php/title_permalink=site/processing/#1617
As previously mentioned, I'm smack in the middle of Hospice training (for the fourth time, I might add.) It's been emotionally draining, to say the least. This is not to say that I'm not glad that I'm there. I had the choice to do the training again and reminded myself that I've always gotten a lot out of training each time. So far, I'm glad that I opted in.

It's nice to be back to this particular Hospice organization. It feels like home, and the staff have all been so happy to see me again; affirming to me how I truly am meant for this work. Sure, they could be just telling me nice things, but they're telling all the participants of the training about the work I've done for them. It feels good and it feels right.

Today was the exercise that is always so emotional for me. I'm too lazy to track down the post from 2004 (wow, I've been writing her a long time!), but... oh forget it. Hold on, I'll find it.....

OK, here it is.

Anyway, it's interesting to me how my choices have changed each time I've done this exercise. Typically, all of my possessions are the first to go, but I held on to our home up until the point where it came to the relationships. I've known how this exercise goes each time, but sitting in a chapel, watching other people give up their possessions, knowing that patients really ARE giving up everything- all of it is just like doing it the first time. I make an effort to be truly present when doing Hospice-related things and this exercise was no different.

It was hard for me to not think of my cousin during this exercise. We are supposed to put ourselves in the story, but I kept shifting back and forth between the two of us. The story being told was so close to her story and though I was fully aware of the things she had to give up when her journey was coming to an end, I became even more keenly aware of her loss. Independence, the ability to provide, the ability to be the mother she once was.. all the things that would devastate me to let go of.

In the end, I came back to me and thought about the relationships in my life. Just as in previous times, we were asked to visualize what it would look like after we die. Who would be there when we took our last breath. The scene in my head surprised me, to be honest. I'm going to keep that private, except to the person who was with me. I'm still trying to rationalize it in my head, quite frankly (NO! It wasn't Donny Osmond!)

I'm looking forward to what tomorrow brings (eeep, I'd best get to bed because we start bright and early, one hour away from home...). I'm also looking forward to my first assignment. That'll be Tuesday morning at 10am.

I suspect I'm going to have some interesting dreams tonight. ]]> Sun, 07 Feb 2010 04:57:00 -0500 <![CDATA[Where do I start?]]> http://www.mostlyrisible.com/index.php/weblog/comments/where_do_i_start/ http://www.mostlyrisible.com/index.php/title_permalink=site/where_do_i_start/#1616
BJ bought us front row tickets. See that green dot? That's me- only I wasn't green. My shoulder was touching the stage. THAT's how close I was.
image

We weren't allowed to take pictures, so we let the official picture taker dude take our picture before the show. KaCHING!
Me and the handsome hubs. The photo didn't scan very well..

Now as you read the following stories, you'll be tempted to not believe a word of it, but thankfully Caryl and John were there to verify what I'm about to write.

Not too far into the show, Donny was singing and I would have had to turn around to watch him because he was behind me. Instead, I watched the dancers (or maybe imagined I was 12 again with my cousin Laura, who knows what was going on in my head.) SUDDENLY out of nowhere, Donny is right in front of my face and scared the heck (not hell, because well- we're talking Donny Osmond) out of me. I jumped about three feet and my hands flew in the air. He was laughing so hard that he couldn't sing right away and then apologized to me for scaring me and asked if I was OK. I got a lot of ribbing from the audience members sitting close to us after the show about being scared by Donny Osmond.

Not too long after that, he came up to me and instructed me to give him a double high-five. I didn't hear the double part, so I left him hanging on the second high five. He got in my face with two fingers held up and said, "I said double high-five" (laughing of course.) Yeah, I'm cool like that. Leave Donny Osmond hanging for the second high-five.

After Donny had his set, Marie came on and called the guy next to us up on stage. She then looked at BJ and said, "Hey you- the guy whose wife Donny scared to death- what's your name?" He told her and she said, "BJ, this could have been you" and then makes the guy who did go up there sing with her. Part of me would love to see what BJ would have done, but the other part of me would have been mortified for him. She called him handsome at one point in the show (go BJ!)

The show was AWESOME. Even BJ, not a fan, liked it a lot.

Since we got special passes- we got to meet up with them after the show. It was then, that I decided I'd have them autograph my boot, since I'll be wearing it for about three months.
What a good sport!I believe I was yammering about joining Nutrisystem here. Marie looked great, and was so nice!donny and Marie autographs

When I first met Donny, I went up to him and said, "Hello, scary guy". He laughed and then noticed my foot:
This was right after I said to him, Hello scary guy (there's a story to this)

Then we all posed together:
Hanging out after the show

I leaned over afterward and told Marie how great she looked and I swore I was going to start Nutrasystem as soon as I got home. Now that I see the pictures? I think I'll be keeping that promise! I told her that we were there celebrating my 50th and somehow the conversation went to menopause (I swear, she brought it up!). She said something to the effect of, "Ah- so you know about menopause". The 'handler' was trying to shoo me off, but Marie was doing all the talking. What do I do? Walk off while Marie is talking to me about hot flashes, or have the handler toss me out? I just said, "oops- looks like my time is up" and she told me to go to her site and I'd see some stuff she uses to help with menopause.

My claim to fame- menopause talk with Marie Osmond. Tee hee.

This was a night that I'll never forget as long as I live, which can't be said for my actual birthday night. More on that next time...... ]]> Thu, 04 Feb 2010 23:05:00 -0500 <![CDATA[What happened in Vegas won’t be staying in Vegas!]]> http://www.mostlyrisible.com/index.php/weblog/comments/what_happened_in_vegas_wont_be_staying_in_vegas/ http://www.mostlyrisible.com/index.php/title_permalink=site/what_happened_in_vegas_wont_be_staying_in_vegas/#1615
In all of our relationships, we need not only to give affection but to see that affection reflected back to us—we want to know that the other being enjoys it. So a dog wagging his tail or a purring cat closes the relationship loop for us in a very profound, nurturing way."
— Sarah Wilson, animal trainer


Not sure when I'll be posting about Vegas because I start Hospice training (again!) tomorrow a.m. through Sunday and we're meeting our tax guy today (dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn...............). I'll leave you with this, it was the BEST birthday I've ever had. Family, friends and fun.

....oh, and a little Donny Osmond. wink]]> Thu, 04 Feb 2010 18:34:00 -0500