If I can't make it through one door, I'll go through another door - or I'll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
Joan Rivers


My Inner Outings deck has been calling to me the past two weeks, and I've been ignoring it. Doesn't it know I'm busy?

This evening I could resist the pull no longer. Considering what has gone on lately, I chuckled when I pulled the doorways card. Anyone who knows me well, knows that I do not allow doors to hinder me. I never have.

The recent success I've had with finally finding my b-father's family is a clear indication of this side of my personality. I'm 45 years old and have been looking since I was in my 20's. If I ran into a dead-end, I'd go another direction. It never occurs to me to stop going for what I want, no matter how many closed doors are in my path.

I look at the many twists and turns my career has taken over the past 20 years and am sometimes astonished. If you look at my educational background, I really shouldn't be where I'm at today. Thankfully, closed doors have been all but invisible to me.

Clearly I do not have issues with closed doors, as long as I'm not the one that closed that door.

Walking out the door is something entirely different if it means that I cannot walk back through that door ever again, especially if it's my choice. This side of my personality presents itself in my work and personal life.

I'm imagining a scenario in my head; that of walking through a door and before shutting it asking myself, what if I want to go back in that door? I need to be certain that this is what I want before I walk out that door because in my mind, once that door is shut; it's shut for good.

It's not about forgiveness, because I easily forgive. It's about protection and respecting myself. I know that it takes a lot to get me to the point of figuratively walking out that door, therefore I know that it's in my best interest to not look back.

Interestingly enough, the first part of the exercise was to visualize a door and what you'd find if you walked through it. I imagined myself being inside and opening the door to a courtyard with lush beautiful flowers and greenery, looking something like this:



This is an image that I need to remember the next time I have difficulty walking out and shutting the door.