I haven't had a chance to talk to my sis yet to see why she wasn't able to blog this weekend, so I'm going to keep my yapper shut about her news in case she has something. Stay tuned for that story!

Besides, I'd rather talk about ME!

The gathering of the clan (I can say that now! I'm Scottish!) was better than I could have ever dreamed. I was a little bit nervous about how I'd be accepted, but that was for naught. It was as if I'd never been gone. I was so comfortable with my family, that it felt to me like they'd always been there. It's very surreal to think about now, however it didn't feel surreal at the time. It just felt *real*.

As we pulled up to my grandmother's house, I noticed the mailbox. It's so hard to describe the feeling that hit me like a ton of bricks when I saw that last name. It's a name I've been searching for, for 20+ years. It's a name that belonged to me a long, long time ago. Suddenly, the reality of the situation came to the surface. I was about to meet my family.

My cousin and aunt were in the truck ahead of us and so we met them first. I wonder if they noticed me staring at their faces? I did a lot of that on Saturday, looking at people's features trying to find similarities. Oh boy, did I find similarities!

We walked up the steps to my grandmother's home and my aunt knocked on the door. No answer. She knocked again, and after no answer she opened the door. The living room was empty.

Then, around the corner came the most beautiful, elegant woman I've ever seen. My 92 year old grandmother. She is truly lovely. I walked over to her and kissed her and we hugged and said hello. She searched my face just as much as I searched hers. Time kind of stood still for me right then.

Then walked in my twin; another aunt. The resemblance is uncanny. Everyone kept telling me how much I looked like her based on pictures I'd sent, but now I was able to witness it myself. BJ said it was really strange to see someone else who looked so much like me. The resemblances didn't end there either, adding more to my biology vs. environment argument.

More and more family gathered and it occurred to me that this family was very much like BJ's family. The gathering I described in my dream. The feeling was exactly the same, only they had MY family's faces instead of BJ's. There was a whole lot of love in that room, just like BJ's family. Just like with my own little family (my brother, my sister, me and my boys). So, I had to wonder if this is what families are really like.

It all seemed so natural to me, again, like I'd always been there. How can that be, I wondered. These people are virtual strangers to me. But they weren't.

I heard stories about my father, and my cousin gave me pictures she had scanned for me (thanks cuz!). I heard stories about my grandmother and I heard stories about my aunts. What struck me is that my aunts have a relationship with each other just like me and sis. I've never been around sisters who are as close as we are, until now. They told stories of how they giggled as girls and now they giggle together as adults. I'm glad to know that we don't have to grow out of the giggling phase.

The house that day was filled with people who loved each other and had no problem showing it. There was lots of food and lots and lots of laughter. I could have stayed for many hours, but BJ and I had been up since 2:30 in the morning that day and we started zoning out at around 6pm or so.

We said our goodbyes and went back to the room and fell into our own separate comas on the bed.

The next morning we went back to my grandmothers house for one last visit before we went home. The only people who were there were my 'twin' (my aunt) and my grandmother. My grandmother was on the couch and held out her hand to me as I walked in the door. I sat next to her as she held my hand and told me how much it meant to her that I was there. She started to cry, and of course that started me in too. I hugged her and we just cried silently together for a little while.

I sat next to her on the couch for the remainder of our time spent there and she, my aunt, BJ and I shared stories. There was still laughter but it was more subdued than the day before.

Eventually it came time to go. I told my grandmother and aunt that I wanted them to know that I never EVER harbored any ill feelings for how things turned out. I told them that my dad (the man who adopted and raised me) was and is a wonderful father to me and has treated me like I was his own. I told them that I am the type of person who understands that there is a reason for everything and I'm just glad that I was able to finally connect, even if my father wasn't in the picture anymore. I meant every word of it, as anybody who knows me would know.

As we said goodbye, my grandmother and I held each other one last time and cried. She thanked me for bringing part of her son back to her. We then looked into each others eyes and it was as if we were the only two people in the room.

As we drove off, I saw my aunt and grandmother standing at the door waving goodbye and I cried. I missed them already and didn't really want to leave. How is it that I could love people so quickly?

My grandmother asked us to call when we got home so she knew we were safe. My aunt answered the phone and she shared with me that the house had been a buzz all day with phone calls about me. We talked for a while and then she put my grandmother on the phone. My grandmother said that everyone "fell in love" with me while we were there and that they all thought my 'honey' was a wonderful man. I'd already heard that from them many times, and I have to agree! I did tease him about it though. I told him that this was supposed to be about me and not him, so could he quit being so charming please? Heh.

As we said goodbye, the words, "I love you" came out of my mouth as naturally as if I'd been saying it to her for years. She replied, "Oh honey, I love you too". And we said goodbye.

I sat on the bed alone for a little bit and pondered the weekend. I expected that I'd walk away from there feeling sadness for never having met my father, but I didn't. I feel that I know more about who he was and what he stood for, but I don't feel him. I don't feel him like I feel my sweet aunt who passed on many years ago. Perhaps that's because I wouldn't recognize him. I guess I have to be honest and admit that I do feel a little sad about that, but the happiness I feel about his wonderful family; MY wonderful family certainly trumps any sadness.

I honestly do not know how this weekend could have gone any better. I'm truly blessed.