I wake up every morning wondering if this will be the day I see *my* face staring back at me in the mirror. I realize that it's only been eight days since the surgery, but I'm still so swollen on the inside and outside of my mouth. I talk with a lisp because my tongue is displaced from all of the swelling inside of my mouth. What lesson is this about? Vanity? OK, I'll admit it. I'm vain about how I look.

While my face isn't horrific to look at, it's not MY face. I liked my face just as it was (well, coulda used a few less wrinkles and we won't even go there about the turkey neck). I'm not going to scare little children by being out in public, but I'm not able to even look people in the eye.

I went to the dog park with Einstein yesterday and I was unable to engage with people because I was so embarrassed. I was glad that dogs don't notice that sort of thing, and of course Einstein was just thrilled to have his mama take him to do the dog park after being gone a whole week. That made the embarrassment worth every minute.

I'm still in pain, but not like the first few days after surgery. I'm only taking one pain pill when I first wake up and then one before I go to bed. I can handle the pain the rest of the day because it's not much more than I was dealing with before surgery.

I'm already seeing an improvement in how much more my mouth opens. It hurts to do it, but before the surgery my mouth was frozen I couldn't open it more than about an inch even if I tried. I'm measuring by fingers and am now able to get two fingers plus a little between my teeth. It hurts to do it, but I can do it, and that's the point. So, this surgery was a success in that regard.

After this experience I'm not sure I want ANY more surgeries unless there was a guarantee that it will take away the pain. I'll just go to a pain management clinic and deal with it that way if this doesn't take care of the pain. Based on what the surgeon said, this surgery was the only one that was a guarantee to improve my life, in that I'd be able to open my mouth like a normal person.

I don't need any cosmetic procedures done because all of the damage is hidden thanks to a 'round' face. When I get older, the caved-in cheekbone and broken orbit area will probably be more obvious due to the natural process of aging. I hope by then that I'm less vain about how I look. Maybe I'll just wear really big funny purple hair so people look at that, instead of my face. Yeah- that's what I'll do.

Back to whining, because I'm sure that's why you read my blog.

The inside of my mouth is a nightmare. Have you ever bitten the inside of your cheek accidentally, and so after that you keep biting it because it's a little swollen? Take that times 10 <- not exaggerating! Plus I have all kinds of strings (stitches) hanging out which are just begging to be fiddled with. I can't close my teeth because the inside of my mouth is in the way.

OK, I think that about covers it in the whining department.

I see the surgeon again on Monday. He's so darned excited about the instant results after removing the tendon. I'm not kidding- he is like a giddy kid. I'm happy for him and am thankful that he was able to give me that gift.

Yay! I ended this post on a good note! I knew there was good in there somewhere if I kept writing long enough.