I'm one of two volunteers making grief calls for my Hospice organization. The other gal comes in once a week for 2 hours and I go in every other week for four hours. When I started making calls, we were about six months behind because they had NO volunteers. Now we're about three months behind.

Caught up would mean that we're making calls to folks who have lost someone at least a month ago. Grieving folks are too caught up in legalities and other things to really be able to step back and *feel* right away, so we are told to wait at least six weeks before contacting them. Of course, they get a call right away from the real counselor to ensure that they understand all of the resources available to them should they need it.

My grief counselor originally told us in training that it's difficult to put in more than two hours at a time because it's emotionally exhausting to be so present for people that are actively grieving. Sometimes I find that to be true, but mostly find that I'm just getting warmed up around the two hour mark. I don't watch the clock. Instead I make a firm intention that I'll know when I've made my last call. My signal is when I hang up the phone, sit back, and say "wow" out loud. Those are the calls that make me really think for a few days. I imagine sometimes that when I'm thinking about them, they can feel it even though they might not know where that feeling comes from.

No matter how long I've been doing this, that first call of the day still frightens me. It reminds me of when I used to sing for a living. That first song was the scariest, but once I got that out of the way, the rest was easy. Just like in my old 'career', I look for an easy file (song) to call (sing) first. It's my warm up call.

Yesterday I decided that I was going to put in as many hours as I could tolerate, because I wanted to reach out to as many people as possible due to the holidays. I also was to call the most recent files. Actually, the counselor I work with asked me to mix it up, but I just kept going with the recent files.

Typically when I get voicemail, I leave a message that 'we' called and let them know that we are available to them as a resource and then leave the number to call should they need additional support. The message sometimes varies depending on what I've read in the file. Then the file is put away. Sometimes I'll look through a file and the notes tell me that this would be inappropriate because this is someone that might need to talk. In that case, I won't leave a message. I'll just try again at a later date.

Yesterday, I decided to treat all the files that way. If there was no answer, I didn't leave a message. Our phone number is unavailable to caller ID, so there would be no record that I called. I felt that getting a trite message that we called, would make these newly grieving people feel abandoned.

I pulled all of the October files and started making my calls. I spent over five hours making phone calls yesterday and was able to get through most of the files. I only ended up talking to 16 people, but, with the exception of a couple of calls, they were really good calls where we really connected. Although I didn't stop there, one of the calls did make me sit back and say "wow" because not only had they lost our Hospice patient, they lost a child to an auto accident a short time ago. At Christmas time. That sort of thing sure makes you take stock of what's important in your life.

It was getting dark, and I was losing steam come the five hour mark, so I decided that I wouldn't be truly present if I tried to reach out to any more people on this day.

The counselor on duty asked me what I learned that day. I told him that I learned that the phone calls to the newly grieving people are much different than my normal calls. The newly grieving, although we connected, don't quite connect as much as the folks who are three or more months down the road. I believe that it might be because the newly grieving are still getting the phone calls and cards and support. The folks whom I normally call have most likely seen a drop in calls and support. In addition to support, I give them an opportunity to tell their story after they've had time to really think about what has happened in their life.

It really did give me a good perspective on the grief process, as varied as it may be. It also makes me want to go back and call those folks that I would have normally called. I sit here today thinking about them and wondering how they are doing through the holidays. I wish I had more time to give so I could reach out and let them know that someone was thinking about them. All I can do is hope that somehow my thoughts going out to these perfect strangers bring even a little bit of comfort until I can actually call them.

It's times like this that I wish I wasn't so hell bent on trying to save the world. It frustrates me that I'm just one person with limited time resources. It makes me sad that there are people out there who are in need of support and they may not be getting it this holiday season.

If you know someone who has lost a loved one this year, please do something for me. Give them a call, or send them a note to let them know you're thinking about them. Don't worry about what to say, because if it's from the heart, it'll be the right thing. If you need help with what to say, . I'd be more than happy to help you.

Tell them that RisibleGirl sent you.