I mentioned a few weeks ago that I'm the first to roll out the story-catching service that our Hospice organization is offering. In theory, I'd meet with a patient whose family has requested this service and record a story on a little recorder; put the story on CD and present it to the patient and their family. It's not supposed to be an interview and you shouldn't hear my voice (much). Just the patient telling their story for about 20 minutes or so. In THEORY it should be an easy transition of sitting down, giving a brief introduction on the recorder of the patient's name and date and keeping the patient on track.

After reading a brief summary of what the patient wanted to share, I knew that it was going to be more than 20 minutes. No problem. The recording device has a lot of capacity.

To say this man was ready for the interview is an understatement. He started talking from the moment I walked into the door and I had trouble finding a gracious way of saying, "hey- we need to start the recorder." So much for graceful.

Twenty minutes went by.... then another twenty... and another twenty.... until we were up to three hours worth of 20 minute stories.

This man's eighty-something years of life have been amazing. Three hours wasn't enough, so I made an appointment to meet with him again. That was yesterday.

Again, I was off to a completely ungraceful start. I just decided to turn on the recorder as soon as I could- even though he was in the middle of a story. We spent another three hours together and I still feel that he had more to share, but it's important that we get this finished and presented to the family. My volunteer coordinator is under pressure to get our first story finished so the social workers will feel comfortable in referring the (totally free) service to more people.

I told my new friend that we had to wrap this up, and told him what would happen next. And then I did something I wasn't really expecting. I told him that I wanted to continue visiting him even though our project was complete, which really put a smile on his face (mine too!) I really had/have no intention of volunteering in the patient-care side of Hospice, but there's something about this amazing man that made me want to see him again. I called the volunteer coordinator and asked him if I could be assigned as this man's volunteer.

I promised the coordinator that I wouldn't 'adopt' everyone whose story I would be recording. Besides, when will I have time? I've also signed up to be in the new Hospice Ambassador program. Public speaking to create awareness about Hospice and what it has to offer.

Man, it's a good thing I don't have a job.

::KIDDING:: But I do need to make sure that I keep this balanced. Balanced? What is that?

I think I mentioned that I was a panelist for a group of new volunteers last week, right? I was asked to speak about my experiences as a volunteer and answer any questions they might have such as:

• "Are you ever afraid?" - - Yes, many times. My way of dealing with the fear is to tell myself that if I'm not meant to be there at that moment, then something would have kept me from that appointment; or when making calls, the person on the other end won't pick up the phone if they're not up to talking.


• "How do you keep from crying?" - - I tell myself that if I cry, that puts the other person in the position of feeling like they need to comfort me. I'm there to comfort them. That usually nips it in the bud.


• "How do you keep from getting too attached?" - - I don't stop myself from feeling love for these people, but I do set boundaries for myself.

I'm doing lots of fun things for this Hospice organization, including trying to bring them into this century when it comes to technology. I'm looking forward to speaking for the Hospice Ambassador program and also looking forward to my next Story-catching assignment. My coordinator told me that I have to wait my turn because there are other volunteers who want to do it too. Meh. Next week I'm going to be on a panel of Story-catchers to share my experiences. That's going to be fun. It'll also be interesting to pull something out of my last experience that I can share in public. This guy was so much fun- but did have some very 'naughty' stories for an 85 year old man!

I received a note in the mail yesterday. I wanted to put it here so I have it to read back on when I'm feeling like I'm not doing enough.

Dear Lori,
Thank you for the beautiful description of your hospice work on Sunday to our new volunteers. The breadth and depth of your experience with Hospice is unsurpassed.

Your energy and JOY in doing this work were really uplifting to the new volunteers. What a delight it is to have you back "home" with [name of Hospice organization].

I feel so supported by you as well with all of your good ideas and willingness to share your expertise, technology know-how and positive spirit with us in improving and evolving our program.

I appreciate your time Sunday and all you do to make our program wonderful.

I *love* what I do with Hospice, and never feel that I'm doing enough. I always want to do MORE. I feel energized with each and every assignment, and that tells me that I'm supposed to be there. Yesterday we had lunch with our investments manager and I mentioned that I was on my way to Hospice House after lunch. He then shared that he's on the board of trustees for another Hospice organization. You couldn't get me to shut up about Hospice. I loved it that it turned from talking about money (one of my least favorite topics because money is not my thing...) to Hospice.

I feel like Hospice is home for me.

I made a new friend at the Story-Catcher event Tuesday night. She owns a funeral home.

In the past, I've toyed with the idea of working in a funeral home as a funeral director because I'm not afraid to be present with families who are grieving. I'd like to think that I'm good at it, actually. Even if my new friend wasn't hilarious and fun to be around, I'd still want to get together with her to talk about her experiences. The whole funeral home business fascinates me for some reason.

Yes, I'm fully willing to admit that I'm an odd duck.

Our volunteer coordinator expressly forbid (he was joking!) us to hang out together. He said that the world is not quite ready for the two of us combined in any sort of gathering. Of course, that makes me want to hang out with her even more.

She has one vehicle. It happens to have the name of her funeral home all over it, which of course could be alarming to Hospice patient families.

She shared a story about one of her visits with a Hospice patient. She tries to park her vehicle down the road, rather than in the driveway, but I guess that's not far enough because a family member came rushing through the front door and was stunned to see the Hospice patient alive and well yacking it up with my friend.

For some reason, I can't stop giggling about that scene. I probably shouldn't, but I do.

One might think that it's awfully convenient for a funeral director to be a Hospice patient-care volunteer, but we have rules and guidelines in place where you cannot profit in ANY way from anyone you're assigned to. She shared with me that she decided to become a volunteer because, like me, she's really good with people in crisis and felt that she wanted to share her talents in a non-profit environment. I think that's really cool.

I like it that she's irreverent like me. There's a time to be somber and reverent, but you can't be that way ALL the time. Well, I guess you can- but you sure wouldn't be any fun to hang with.

I wonder if she'd let me job shadow her sometime. I wouldn't want to do this for a living- - I love what I do, but I'd like to get this silly fascination out of my head.

Have you ever had a strange fascination with something completely wacky?

I received a phone call from the Hospice volunteer coordinator at about 4:45 asking me if I could possibly go sit with a patient who is in the actively dying phase of her journey. She said that the patient was afraid to be alone and so of course I said yes. I'm not in patient care, but there was no reason for me to say no.

She was in a nursing home five minutes from my house. I expected the patient to be elderly, but she wasn't. I think she was younger than me, but I'll never know. I'll also never know why she was alone. She had a bulletin board full of pictures of her children who look to be in their early teens, and a family picture of all of them together (with I'm assuming her husband) from about three years ago.

Her nails were recently painted with little flowers, and she had a vase of tulips which looked to be about a week or two old by her bed. SOMEBODY has been visiting her, but why was she alone at such an important stage of her journey?

I'll never know the answer to these questions because she was asleep the entire 3.5 hours I was there, with the exception of one time when she sat up in bed; looked at me and then laid down again. I can't quite get that visual out of my head.

I became fixated on watching her breathe. As long as I've been volunteering for Hospice, I've never been with a patient when they died so really didn't know what to expect exactly. I knew that breathing slows way down and is shallow. Up and down went the white blanket covering her, with very few pauses. Every once in a while a petal from one of the tulips fell, which would make me immediately focus again on her breathing. I thought for sure it was some sort of 'sign', but it wasn't. I was just being WAY too vigilant.

She didn't die on my watch, and I'm not quite sure how I would have reacted if she did. I never had a chance to form a relationship with this person and didn't know anything about her but her name. No idea what her diagnosis is; how long she's been sick; nothing.

I left shortly after 8pm, because she was peacefully sleeping. I left my card with the nurse and told her to call me if she wakes and needs someone to sit with her. Based on what I know about how things normally happen, I don't think she's going to die tonight and I'm comforted by the fact that the coordinator has found someone to sit with her tomorrow, when she'll really need someone.

I'm staying dressed, just in case they call- but I suspect I've met with this mysterious woman for the last time.

Last night I attended the first meeting for the soon to be rolled out Hospice Ambassador program. I'll be one of a small handful of people who will have the opportunity to speak to various groups about Hospice and 'man' the Hospice booth at heath forums and other adventures.

I'll also get to help create the materials for the Hospice marketing department. Ha- that sounds kind of funny... Hospice has a marketing department?

It's true, because no matter what health organization your doctor is with, you can choose which Hospice to work with. Of course, we think we're the best Hospice out there and want to get the word out.

Since I've been a volunteer for three different Hospice organizations, I CAN honestly say that the one I'm with is the best. That's why I came back to this one.

My Hospice is Catholic based, but it wouldn't be evident to a patient (or a volunteer for that matter.) All faiths (or lack of) are supported and honored, which is nice since I'm not Catholic.

Not that there's anything wrong with being Catholic. I'm just not.

The two main differences between this organization and the others that I've worked with are:

1. This one opted out of the "Death With Dignity" Act. I'm personally a big supporter in this Act, but can understand why they opted out since they are faith-based. As a volunteer we're not even supposed to discuss how it works, just simply give a pamphlet with more information. The Hospice health care workers cannot be involved in any way with the act (cannot give the meds, or be in the room when it happens), but can still provide care and comfort to a patient that has made that decision.


2. Our Hospice organization provides less structure and more patient and family guided care. Some Hospice organizations have rigid rules, such as no traveling; you have to have a DNR and other restrictive policies. My organization believes that everyone is different and respects that.

I'll be a good representative for Hospice in general because I tend to evangelize about it anyhow, but it's nice to be connected to an organization that cares for people the way I'd want to be cared for. The management feel like family to me and they seem like family to each other. It's unique to any other organization I've been with.

I'm looking forward to the next journey, especially the public speaking piece. I've always wanted to be a public speaker but didn't really know which topic I was passionate about enough to invest my energy. This one just fell in my lap, as most things have these days.