Boo! It's damaged.

I went to the neurologist today, and according to the MRI my brain is showing a 'reaction' around the bone where I hit my head. I think she thought I'd just say, "OK- thanks for the info" and leave it at that. I asked her what she meant by 'reaction' and she said that I hit my head a lot harder than she thought and have some damage. She said that there is also bruising in the front of my brain and related it to shaken baby syndrome. When I hit my head, my head bounced off dresser and whipped back again against the wall. So, my brain bounced around inside my skull.

I'm laughing at the first post I made after hitting my head. "I'm OK- it's no big deal". Ha! I guess that officially makes me not very credible. Who would have thought that getting up to go to the bathroom at night could be so darned dangerous?

So long and short- what this means is that this stuff will probably never go away, and it would be very dangerous for me to hit my head again. She reiterated what she told me before- that what I'm experiencing will come and go, sometimes worse- sometimes better. But will probably never gone completely.

Even though she's told me this before, I started crying in her office because I'm SO tired of all of this. I told her that I'm used to people thinking that I'm smart- and I feel stupid these days. I feel like people think I've been drinking because I run into walls and wobble around when I'm walking or standing in line. For Pete's sake, I took my home phone receiver with me to the doctor the other day. Yeah- I don't know what I was thinking. I went so far as to put it on the seat next to me in the car and then pick it up and take it into the doctor's office. At one point I looked at it and it occurred to me that my home phone did not belong in the doctor's office- so I hid it in my purse.

Scary that I'm driving, isn't it? I'm trying to not do too much of that.

My neurologist is a really nice, understanding doctor and I really feel comfortable with her. She made me feel like she really understood. She said she wants to support me through this and said that she wishes there was something she could do to make it go away. All she can do is make me more comfortable when the symptoms act up.

i.e. drugs.

I'm now on an additional drug called Provigil. She said that it's normally prescribed for people with Narcolepsy, but she thinks it will help me be more on my game at work. It's 10.00 per pill, so gave me some samples to try out. I'll give it a whirl.

She promised that it won't make me anxious or jumpy (something I'm already taking the klonopin for). Geez, it's like my brain has a mind of its own. ha- pun intended.

Today, I feel kind of defeated. But that's today. I guess that now that I know all the facts, I can soldier up and deal with it. Hopefully with grace and a good attitude.

I have a video I need to make because of something I got in the mail from my mom. That'll be fun. See? It's not all gloom and doom.

Meh.