It must suck to be The Hubs, having to be married to me. I'm constantly looking at life like a big book of lessons. Sometimes I mentally cross lessons I know I've needed to learn off my mental list and often share my thoughts with him about it.

I usually get this:

I've tried very hard to stand by my belief that it's not my place to wish Karma to hurry up and play itself out on other people. Sometimes my very human side gets the best of me and I have those 'evil' thoughts of "you'll get yours". Many times I go a little further and think to myself that I hope I'm there to witness it too.

Then I feel really bad. I really do, because I am not mean-spirited and I do not like it when I have mean-spirited thoughts.

It's the same feeling I have when I feel that I know what sorts of lessons someone ELSE will need to get past the things that stifle them. It feels almost judgmental because it's not my place to figure out what sorts of lessons someone else needs. Even if I *knew*, I'd never be the one to present the lesson. It's not up to me.

But sometimes it's so obvious, that it just sort of smacks me in the face. I'm a people observer by nature, and am forever trying to figure out why people do the things they do. What happened to them to make them this way? I guess you could call me an armchair psychologist.

I'm watching lessons being presented to two people who have intertwined themselves to an unhealthy degree because of the opposite lesson they need to learn. One needs to understand that she is capable of taking care of herself and the other needs to understand that he needs to stop taking care of others at the expense of taking care of himself and his family. I shared my thoughts with The Hubs on this topic, since he's known these people longer than I have. I think part of the reason I shared it with him is that I'm hoping he'll benefit if the lessons being presented are actually learned by these other two people. He's had some internal struggles because of the co-dependent behavior going on, and unfortunately, he feels the fall-out from it. Even though I shared my thoughts with him, I don't think he really understands how potentially life changing this might be for him.

I have imagined scenario after scenario about the possible turn of events this presents. Their lessons are in the midst of colliding and I am like a scientist with a lab coat watching the whole thing play out. I am most concerned that the person who gives at the expense of himself and his family learns the lesson that he's being presented. I've watched him sacrifice way too much and know that there is no amount of advice I could give to make him do otherwise. It's something he'll need to learn, whether it's now or later. Possibly never.

I used to be that person, but at some point I took a good hard look at what I was doing. It's called enabling. I was the queen of enabling because I couldn't stop myself from saving everyone from themselves. What I eventually learned was that I was harming myself as well as the person that I was enabling. I didn't have a lot of trouble with the fact that I was harming myself, but I certainly had a problem with the fact that my enabling behavior was harmful to the person I was "helping".

It is not helpful if you're keeping the other person from growing.

I've learned to not help those that want help, but rather extend help to those that need help. There's a huge difference in my mind. There are plenty of people in this world that want out of a false sense of entitlement. "This [insert tragedy here] happened to me, therefore the world owes me" and then they greedily take everything they can from anyone who will give it.

I have been down pretty much every road one can go down when it comes to life traumas. I do not take from others, and I never will. I suppose this is why it's a little easier for me to give to those who need, rather than want. I've been on the 'need' end of things, and know what that's like. My hand will always be out to those that need. I've learned to hide my hand from those who feel entitled, but are not.

I hope that two lessons are learned in the current situation, but I desperately hope that one is.

My favorite saying is, "There's a reason they tell you to put your oxygen mask on first before you help others". I hope he learns to do that.