Whatchoo lookin' at?


I've been away for a while. I think I don't feel like writing when I'm down because I feel like such a whiner. Yes, I know I have a lot to whine about, but I also have a lot to be grateful for. I truly do believe that, even if I'm depressed.

I *know* in my heart that I wasn't let go because I was a bad employee. It still feels awful. I didn't think it would, but it does. I've received email from people I've worked with along the way that have written things like:

I still cannot believe any company that knew what it was doing would let you go. You were one the best processors I ever had, and other people I knew have said so many good things about you, I'm still amazed. I tried e-mailing you at work for the heck of it, and getting your out of office reply made it sink in that all these changes are real. It isn't [name of evil empire] without you.

I kind of need to hear stuff like that right now, ya know?

Anywhocares, on to this and that:

• Einstein continues to be adorable and smart. We 'think' he's potty trained, but still keep a close eye on him. He’s 9 weeks old and knows the following commands:
  
  Sit, Stay, Fetch, Lay Down, Look at me, Leave it (put a treat in front of him and make him wait until I say OK), and Don’t Bite (a very important one- my hands have become hamburger). Here's evidence of most of it.
  
  Sorry bro, potty talk- avert your eyes! Einstein has designated the herb garden as his potty ground of choice. The upside to this is that he smells herbal fresh after he does his business. The downside is that we won't ever use THOSE herbs for cooking. I never really did anyway. I was always in fear that the deer used it as a potty ground too.


• BJ and I went to a TOTALLY LAME job fair yesterday. Even lamer is that it was a 'together' thing. I never thought we'd ever go to a job fair together. We saw news cameras there and they panned past us. I'm really surprised they didn't focus on me. Sheesh. That could have been my big break, being a previous Little Miss America contender and all. I was having a GREAT hair day, I'll have to admit. I got several compliments from the folks I talked to at the fair. Too bad nobody was really hiring or interviewing people with great hair.
  
  The job fair consisted of people standing in their booth, not taking resumes, handing out their job openings on a sheet of paper (mostly sales, even Avon was there!) and telling everyone to go to their website to apply online.
  
  Why oh why did I dress for success? People were there in sweats and flip flops. I might as well have done that too. Nah- you'll never see me in public in sweat pants (well, except for the time I broke my face. I was so out of it, I didn't have time to do my hair or get dressed up to go to the ER.)
  
  I did coax some training vendor information from one of the health care organizations, because I also plan to add HIPAA to my list of training resources. It wasn't a total bust in that regard.
  
  BJ and I then drowned our sorrows at Dairy Queen. He got a burger and I got a shake. I don't think this no-chew diet is producing any weight loss because of my choices, but at least I'm a cheap date


• I canceled my cardiologist appointment because there's some confusion about our COBRA benefits. I'm sure it'll be worked out eventually, but I don't need the stress of wondering if several thousand dollars of tests won't be reimbursed, thankyouverymuch. I'm just going to have to wrap myself in bubblewrap and wear a helmet for the time being.


• BJ and I are getting on each others' nerves a little bit, which is completely understandable. We haven't upped the ante to poking each other in the eye yet, so I think we'll be OK. We've been tossing out snippy statements, but then apologizing about 10 minutes later. I think my constant need to pick things up and put them away is really nerve wracking to him, and his 'leave it to put away later" is nerve wracking to me. If that's our greatest marital issue during this horribly scary time, then I think our marriage is on safe ground. I hope with everything I have that this will be the time we look back on as the worst we've ever had, but survived it just fine. Please hope that for us too.

So that just about sums up my life these past few days. I am 'bout due for a good solid cry, so maybe I'll find a movie to help it along a little.