From one of my dear friends (who doesn't read my blog because she's afraid of the Internet.. ha ha). "God must think you're a really strong person".

My reply, "Or something like that".

I dunno guys, I'm starting to feel like my foothold is slipping. I'll know next week what the outcome is with my job. At least that's what we think. I can tell you this, I don't think I can have much more patience for the waiting to know.

On top of that, The Hubs is certain that his job is in jeopardy. It's not my story to tell as to why, but I can tell you that it's making for some very scary thoughts in this girls brain. One of us out of a job? Bad. Both of us? Disastrous. There's a good side and a bad side to making a good salary. The good side is that you live a lifestyle that's comfortable and you're able to help your friends and family out when they need help. The bad side? There are fewer jobs out there in our salary range. And in this job market? You know future employers know what kind of market it is, so they're going to wrangle the best deal possible for themselves. I can't say that I blame them- I mean, that's their job- to watch the bottom line.

And then there's the MRI scans tomorrow. The scans themselves don't scare me. The reason for the scans do. I've been having nightmares about the worst case scenario, on top of the dead kitties and dead puppies nightmares. There is no good time to be diagnosed with something devastating, but I can tell you this- if we're both out of a job, well- I don't even want to think about it.

Yet, I continue to think about it. Every.Single.Minute of the day. Every.day.this.week. Non-stop. It's at the forefront of my mind the minute I wake up, until the minute I go to bed. And well, continues on through the night in my horrible dreams.

Next week. Next week, we both should know more about our job outcomes. Next week I should have the results back from the MRIs. Next week I hope to be doing a helluva lot of celebrating.

But this week, even though I know this is a horrible thought, I wish I could just numb my brain from these thoughts. It's just too much and I feel that I'm at the brink of a major breakdown. I'm afraid to even say this, but just one more thing would be enough to topple me over.

Is this the WORST possible thing that could happen to me? NO. Remember, I was a Hospice volunteer. I know there are much more horrible things out there that people have to deal with. I do have perspective.

It's just that right now, that perspective is escaping me.