Perspective
My sweet friend, Dream Living, put me back on the right planet. I'm not going to share her story with you, unless she gives me permission, but her comment about what I'm enduring?

Nope- I'm enduring nothing compared to what she's been through.

I also had an experience last night on the train that I've been meaning to write about. I hate it when I get whiny. I want to smack myself around. Especially when I see that *I* am the one who puts myself in these situations.

Anyhoo....

After work, I walked to the train with someone who works at the same company. We were having a conversation about losing weight, just normal stuff, and she 'slipped' in there that she lost her 23 year old daughter last year, and losing weight was just not a priority for her over the past few months.

Knowing that it's OK to talk about this stuff..

Side note: Lots of people are afraid to continue a conversation like this, but I know how IMPORTANT it is to give someone the opportunity to talk about it...

I asked her, "Do you mind if I ask how she died?"

Sudden cardiac arrest in her sleep. Her daughter lived all the way across the country.

Wow, huh? I can't begin to imagine....

We continued to talk about her daughter for the next hour. The connection we had was just incredible and I could see that she loved the opportunity to just say everything she was feeling.

Sure, she teared up a few times, but that's OK. I know that this was a good thing for her, and it was a true honor that she felt that she could share with me on this level.

After our conversation, I got to thinking that I'd like to start a support group at my company. I'd also like to do some workshops for managers on how to treat employees who have a death of a loved one. Sensitivity training, if you will. It's amazing the experiences that people have at work.

Not in a good way.....

After I get through the next month, I'm going to approach our H.R. department and see if I can start something up. Maybe a once a week lunchtime drop-in group- come if you want, don't come if you're not up for it. I'd also like to start a SECURED site at work, where people can share their experiences and feelings. I'd also like to be someone that is available for staff meetings when a department has a loss. I think a lot of people just don't know what to say, so they avoid. If they have someone there to help them with what to say (even if it's "I don't know what the right words are, but I'm sorry"), it would be awfully beneficial.

It was a MAJOR gut feeling for me- something I know that I have to act on.

Really, I do know that in the grand scheme of things- what I'm experiencing at work is NOTHING. Sometimes I just get caught up in the stress and have a hard time letting go of it until I write it all out. (thanks for listening, by the way).

I have always felt that being a 'listener' has been my calling, if you will. I've been told too many times that I have a comforting presence, to ignore this.

I've slacked on my volunteer work at Hospice because I've felt guilty spending time away from work and/or my home responsibilities. I think this is a way to do both.

Thanks, sweet friend, for bringing me back to earth.

RisibleGirl was blabbing on about another adventure on 07/27 at 07:44 PM

Go visit Einstein's blog!

  

Avatar for Miss Cellania
Miss Cellania wrote:

You are SO right about people needing to talk about a lost loved one. It's extremely weird to be dealing with grief and find everyone around you avoiding any mention of the departed. Your proposed project can only be good for someone who needs it.

At the same time, their loss does NOT negate your feelings about what's going on in your life. A little perspective is OK, but you can't sublimate your own problems just because someone else's troubles are worse. Everyone has bad times, and everyone should have a place to share and/or vent.

RisibleGirl replied:
Thank you for reminding me about not comparing myself to others. I don't know why I do that, but I always feel that I have NOTHING to complain about when I see what some other people have to endure.

This is something I need to work on.

And, I've started the ball rolling on the grief support project. I'm really pumped about this!




  

Avatar for AnnieOfBlueGables
AnnieOfBlueGables wrote:

AMEN Cellania. I couldn't have said it better. Sometimes for those grieving, just being there to listen and hug is a comfort. When my son was 2, my neighbor's son who was 2 drown. I had two sons, she had none. I felt so guilty. I didn't know what to say, but I went to her house anyway. She begged me to bring my children. When I did, she held them on her lap and hugged them. She gave my oldest all her son's clothes and toys. Our son was only 2, but was happy with his friend's things.
We moms hugged and cried together, and she told me later that I was the best comfort of all her visitors. I felt like I said and did NOTHING. I was just there and let her talk and cry, and cried with her.

I learned then that you don't have to do anything, just listen and be there
a

RisibleGirl replied:
What you did was a real gift to your friend. It's so hard for people to approach grieving people because they're so afraid that they're going to make it worse somehow by saying the wrong thing.

If your heart is in the right place, and yours clearly was, then no matter what you say- it'll be OK. Just knowing that you care and are there to listen is HUGE!




  

Avatar for Anonymous G
Anonymous G wrote:

I work with a relatively small staff. We total about 55 employees. I am sad to say that we've had quite a few (too many) deaths and serious illnesses within our little school family.

I think you have a wonderful idea there. You have a gift and a lot of knowledge about dealing with grief.

Perspective. yeah. I am always aware of the blessings I have. My challenge, sometimes, is putting it all in perspective.

*hugs*

RisibleGirl replied:
Girl, you're someone I've compared myself to when I think I'm having a bad day- ya know? What YOU've been through in such a short time. The way you have come out on the other end of all of it really shows what a strong woman you are.

I just love you to pieces.



  

Cozy wrote:

That's a wonderful idea - I believe very much needed everywhere. Another amen to Miss Cellania - very well written.

RisibleGirl replied:
Why, thank you sis! Of course, you are required at all times to say my ideas are wonderful. That's part of the sister rules. tee hee.




  

Liz wrote:

I never really thought about this before, but you are right. Yeah, businesses have an HR department, but are they really 'human'? Nah, I think that that businesses, if they really cared about their employees, would have an counselor of some sort to help out in these types of situations. To make management aware of how to handle certain situations and help the employee get through situations so that they can then refocus on work and being productive. Makes good sense to me and I think you should go for it. smile

RisibleGirl replied:
I went for it, all right!

I think about schools, and how they have counselors who come talk to the classroom when there has been a death. Adults need just as much, if not more, help in understanding how to just 'be'.



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In case you're wondering....
On this day clear back in 2010 I wrote: The last day of Hospice training and other stuff…
On this day clear back in 2009 I wrote: Who knew that kicking the dog would make me feel better?
On this day clear back in 2008 I wrote: Playing in the boys’ sandbox
On this day clear back in 2007 I wrote: Cocoon
On this day clear back in 2005 I wrote: I don’t know where to begin with this post

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