Not sure if I've shared this on my blog yet- but lots of people who know me in real life know this; I've thought I was going to die in my late 40's ever since I was a teenager.

No rhyme or reason to it, just something I felt very strongly about.

In 3.5 more days, I won't have to worry about that anymore. I'll be the big Five-Oh. Maybe fate was TRYING to kill me with all those head bonks in the last couple of years, but I was stronger. Who knows. Maybe it's a metaphorical death, something I'm starting to believe based on things that have happened in the last couple of weeks. Something (not someone) very dear to me has died. Of course, I won't know for 3.5 more days if it's literal or metaphorical, so maybe I shouldn't be too careless over the next few days.

I've tempted fate by flying somewhere one week before this imaginary death. In a windstorm, even. I'm home safe and sound. It didn't kill me.

I'm flying to Vegas on my birthday- so I know THAT's not going to kill me.

Actually, I've always imagined it would be a car accident. When I've let my mind wander, I see myself getting smashed in the face and head at a very fast rate. Neato, huh? Now who wants to live in my head? Nobody? Really? Sometimes I think about funny things too. I do! In fact, last night I could see BJ's cPap on his face because I had my reading light on and I imagined that he was playing astronaut. I had to put a pillow over my face so he wouldn't hear me laughing.

I'm driving to and from a hospice in-service meeting tomorrow, and Friday afternoon I'm driving to get my hair cut- though, that's only blocks away. What do they say about accidents being close to home?

Do I shut myself in the house? We all know that's not even safe for me. Should I wear a helmet? Wrap myself in bubblewrap?

I can't wait until Saturday at midnight. Maybe I'll stay up and have a toast. Anyone want to join me?