Yeah, I know, I claim to be Risible Girl yet I act more like mushy-reflection girl. That's why this blog is called MOSTLY risible. While on the 'risible' topic, does everyone here know what risible means? There. Now you do.

It's that time of year, the time where people typically look back on their lives and reflect. Some make resolutions (yeah, we'll get to that maybe tomorrow), some don't. I wasn't going to write one of those reflective New Years Eve posts, but something hit me today like a ton of bricks.

I don't often buy People magazine, but I was at the store today shopping for the grazing festival that was to take place at our pad. It included boys, video games and football. Since my laptop has a fried motherboard, I despise football, and I don't like video golf, I thought I'd better find some sort of mind numbing activity to occupy my time. There it was. People, the best and worst of 2004. Perfect!

It was all fun and games until I got to the article, "Honoring the Fallen". It started, "Since the war in Iraq began, 1,293 U.S. soldiers have given their lives. Here, in the order of their passing, are the names of 832 brave men and women who died in the line of duty in the past year." And so went the list. The name and age of all of the fallen soldiers this year. Most of them just babies. Babies younger than my two sons.

Seeing that list sucked the breath right out of me. I turned the page. Two more pages full of names in tiny little letters. It was all so, so stark. I'm not sure if that is the proper word, but it was like a slap in the face. It brought me to tears to think about these boys, these babies; and to think about their families. Families who were spending the holidays without them.

I thought about my oldest son and his friends. They were all very angry after 9/11. Some were talking about joining the army. I have to be honest, that very idea scared the hell out of me. I am so thankful for the brave men and women who have served our country, and I am very proud to say that my brother is included in that honorable group. However, it devastated me to think of my son joining those ranks. My son didn't join. But some of his friends did. They went in knowing what they were up against. Those are very brave young men.

Then there were the boys who joined the reserves prior to 9/11. They joined so they could make a little extra money, or get help with college tuition, not even knowing what they were getting themselves in to. They were called to duty, and it scared them. It scared me. I can't imagine how it worried their families. I have to wonder how many of those boys on that long list of names fell into this category. It just makes me so, so very sad.

It all brings everything into perspective. I don't think that I'm necessarily someone that needs perspective, because I'm one of those polly-anna type of people who look around and count all of my blessings on nearly a daily basis. It hasn't always been like this, meaning there was a time that I didn't feel so lucky. I really wasn't very lucky and this enables me to look back over my life, how it was, and compare it to how life is now. It is very easy for me to see how blessed I am.

My boys are happy, healthy..... and alive. I am married to a wonderful man who is a partner in every way. I enjoy my job tremendously, and we both make enough money that we are never in need. I have wonderful friends and truly wonderful family; old and new.

This year I finally got a diagnosis for the liver problems that have been plaguing me since 1986. Believe it or not, I consider that a blessing as well. Because now I'm being monitored a lot closer, which means that I am more likely to receive a liver transplant in time. The whole thing is much less scary to me now.

So, even though it wasn't my plan to leave this year on a reflective note, I did.

While reflecting, I'm so happy for the new friends I've made through my new hobby; my blog. I've been enriched reading about your lives and thoughts. Oftentimes very thought provoking. Thank you for sharing yourselves with me.

I wish everyone a safe and healthy 2005, and for me, I am looking forward to getting my little buddy back. (that's my laptop... whimper...)