I've been struggling with a decision for the past few weeks and am sincerely at a loss.

The Hospice organization I've been volunteering for was an hour drive each way, so add in the 3-4 hours I put in and we're talking 5-6 hours of a Saturday eaten up. Of course, it's eaten up for a worthy cause, but considering the fact that I work between 50-60 hours a week, I've become less and less eager to spend my Saturday there.

Compound that by the fact that they're so behind on calls, that they've asked us to quit calling the folks whose addresses we have, and only call the ones whose addresses are missing. It's been my experience that those whose addresses are missing are usually not primary family members (they are friends/neighbors/health care workers). I made those calls the last time I was there and there was absolutely NO satisfaction in it whatsoever. I couldn't even find the drive to stay for more than 2 hours because I felt like I was just an address collector, rather than be a shoulder to someone in emotional need.

I haven't been there in about a month, due to moving to a new house and, truthfully, I'm just not motivated anymore.

After we moved, I found a Hospice organization literally 5 minutes from my house. I called them and they seemed excited to talk to me, so went to meet in person yesterday. They're smack in the middle of their training, so have invited me to sit in today and next Saturday while I (and they!) make a decision.

The decision seems simple, really. Five minutes from home and, shoot, I could put in a couple hours a week during the week and have my weekends free.

But I feel like I'm bailing on my current Hospice organization. I *love* the volunteer coordinators and the counselors that I work with. I feel horrible that I'm bailing at a time that they're already behind. But honestly? My fingers can't seem to type the email message to say I'm coming in "this Saturday". It fills me with dread because all I can think about is how much I need to do here at the house and how the prime part of Saturday will be eaten up, just to collect addresses.

I guess I need to send an email to the counselor and tell her how I feel. That would be a step in the right direction. Maybe if I'm forthcoming with her about what I'm thinking of doing, it'll make the pathway clear to make that decision.

I really don't like letting people down. That's the bottom line. But, I also have to do what is right for me.