The grief support group for last Thursday was canceled, due to some very bizarre circumstances. Unfortunately I can't reveal those circumstances- but suffice it to say, 'one bad apple DOES spoil the whole bunch' in this case.

I feel that last Thursday was a bump in my learning curve- or at least I hope so. My new soul sister (Oh great, now I have another song stuck in my head) made me feel a whole lot better about what happened.

I was questioning the fact that I've been making phone calls to the bereaved for over two years now, and I've *always* been able to work through the feelings. I've thought about some of those people from time to time, and lots of the calls did affect me. But they didn't affect me to the degree that Thursday affected me.

Soul Sista (ohhhh, I like that!) reminded me that the difference between the two experiences is that in group, there is a person sitting in front of me- versus a faceless voice on the phone. My phone calls are to people that I haven't met before, nor would I probably speak to again; the people in group were folks in which I've started developing a relationship. I also had to admit that seeing the pictures of their loved ones had an added level of connection.

I was anxious to see what would happen on Thursday, because now I felt prepared for how much of an effect this all might have on me. I'd started visualizing things to help me step back a little from the emotions.

I vow to not let my own emotions get in the way of doing what I feel I should be doing.

In a round about way, I was given the gift of having another week to study more methods to enable me step back, and more time to work on visualization.

At this point, I feel fairly confident that I've worked through the things I needed to work on to get me back on track. I've always said that I treat my life as one big lesson plan. I hope I pass the test on this chapter.