(that Dun dun DUN is supposed to be ominous music, by the way)

I went to see the orthodontist yesterday about fixing my jaw so I can bite down on the right side of my mouth. He laughed when I told him my typical chewing process. Chew on the right side first until I can't chew anymore, then move the food to the left side to finish chewing. Swallow and repeat with the next bit of food.

The face surgeon told me that I had more problems with my mouth than was caused by the fracture to my jaw and that I'd benefit from orthodontics anyway. I always knew that I looked kind of like a bulldog from the side when I'd shut my teeth, but had no idea that it was because I have a severe overbite. I didn't know that you can't have an overbite without looking like "buck-toothed beaver" (as we kids used to say in elementary school.) My bottom teeth are being worn down to the nubbins in front due to the scraping from my top teeth every time I shut my teeth together.

I never noticed that it's not normal to have your top teeth completely cover your bottom teeth when you close your mouth. It was fascinating to see my teeth from the inside of my mouth (they use mirrors and a camera for this.) I could clearly see everything that the orthodontist was explaining to me.

Bottom line- if I want to keep my teeth the rest of my life, then I'll need braces for at least two years. Additionally, I'll probably need surgery on my jaw which is a hospital procedure- paid by medical insurance, thank goodness- because our dental insurance is hardly worth the paper it's written on.

So I have some decisions to make. He's referred me to a surgeon that specializes in jaw surgery and I'm going to wait to make my decision until then, although I have a pretty good idea of what I'm going to do (or not going to do, as the case may be...)

Let's face it. I'll be the big five-oh in January and this is a huge dollar investment (just over 10k, none of which is covered by insurance), and a huge time investment (we all know how much I hate going to the doctor and this would feel the same way), and two years out of my life wearing METAL ON MY TEETH. I'm already freaking out about turkey neck and little wrinkles that are starting to pop up. I'm starting to freak out a little bit about looking old.

Yes- I'm VAIN. There. Now we all know.

At the rate I'm going, I don't see myself living until I'm 100. Or even 80 for that matter. Here's a little secret that I can finally share because apparently it's not true. Ever since I was a young teen, I had a very strong feeling that I was going to die in my late 40's. I've only two more months, then I'm home free of that little prediction. Still, looking at my health history, I don't see myself living to an old age.

I know, this is really morbid thinking- but here's where I dump all of my thoughts, right?

So, it's not about the money- though that's a lot of dough, it's about the investment in time. I see my youth rushing past me at light speed and I don't want to spend any of that time that I'm still fairly good looking being a metal mouth. I'm to the point where I could wear braces and the day after I get them off, I could fall down and bonk my head and say syonara to life as I know it. I realize that the next time I bonk my head, it could be the big bonk. I watch CSI, I know how head bonks can kill a person.

Again with the morbid, I know. I live with these thoughts every.single.day, but now they have a little more context about them. If tomorrow is my last day, do I want to spend it like this? So far, I can say emphatically YES. My life is exactly perfect. Would wearing braces change that for me? YES.

So, I guess in writing all of this out, I can see where my head is. Besides being in "crazy world" with the morbid thoughts, I think I have a clear answer to the idea of braces. I'll wait to give the definite answer until I talk with the jaw surgeon, but I can't see anything changing my mind at this point.