Back in 1978 one of my co-workers set me up with one of his friends. I was out shopping on the day of the blind date and happened to run across a sun lamp.

Back then, there were no such things as tanning beds. Well, at least I don't think so. I'd never used a sun lamp, but it was the dead of winter in Utah and being a former sun worshiper, the idea of getting a tan indoors intrigued me. So I bought it.

There was no time to read the instructions, get in an hour of tanning (are you seeing where this might be heading?) AND get properly primped for my date, so I opened the box, plugged in the lamp and got started. I laid on my stomach and propped myself up by my elbows and placed the sunlamp only far enough away to cover the parts that would show in winter: My face, neck and top of my chest.

After about 10 minutes of this, I was bored so turned on the TV and watched it while soaking up the UV rays. Running out of time, I shut the sun lamp off after 30 minutes and started getting ready for my date. I was disappointed that I didn't even have so much as a hint of pink or tan. Oh well, I thought, I'll just spend more time under the lamp tomorrow.

About an hour into my date, my face and neck started really tingling and my eyes were very sensitive. It was about that time that my blind date started asking me, "Are you OK?"

When I went to the restroom, it became apparent why my date was so concerned about me. I had blisters all over my face and neck, and my eyes were extremely puffy and red (and hurt like hell!). I was mortified. After leaving the restroom, I told my date that I wanted to go home and he didn't argue. I suppose it is kind of embarrassing to look as if you're dating a leper.

The blisters got worse and my eyeballs started swelling up (My EYEBALLS!) so my roommate took me to the emergency room where I was diagnosed with second degree burns on my face and neck. I couldn't shut my eyes that night, even though I had ice packs on my face to take down the swelling.

My face was a mess for weeks, and since I was a waitress at the time my manager wouldn't let me come to work. He said that I looked horrible and he didn't want me to gross out the customers. Yeah, he was a charmer. So there I was, ugly and out of work. I was really enjoying myself.

I had a date for Homecoming which was about three weeks after the tanning 'incident'. Within two weeks, my manager thought I finally looked good enough to seat people (but still not good enough to wait on them), but my homecoming date disagreed. He stopped by a few days before the dance, and when he saw me he 'suggested' that we just spend homecoming alone in my apartment. Me thinks he didn't want to be seen with scarface.

Interestingly enough, blind date guy never contacted me again even though our mutual friend tried explaining to him that this was not what I normally looked like.

Now, being older and wiser, I think the fact that he didn't want to go out with me again had nothing to do with how I looked. I think it's because he didn't want to date someone who could be that stupid. He was doing his part for the betterment of mankind by not perpetuating that gene pool.