I received a phone call from the Hospice volunteer coordinator at about 4:45 asking me if I could possibly go sit with a patient who is in the actively dying phase of her journey. She said that the patient was afraid to be alone and so of course I said yes. I'm not in patient care, but there was no reason for me to say no.

She was in a nursing home five minutes from my house. I expected the patient to be elderly, but she wasn't. I think she was younger than me, but I'll never know. I'll also never know why she was alone. She had a bulletin board full of pictures of her children who look to be in their early teens, and a family picture of all of them together (with I'm assuming her husband) from about three years ago.

Her nails were recently painted with little flowers, and she had a vase of tulips which looked to be about a week or two old by her bed. SOMEBODY has been visiting her, but why was she alone at such an important stage of her journey?

I'll never know the answer to these questions because she was asleep the entire 3.5 hours I was there, with the exception of one time when she sat up in bed; looked at me and then laid down again. I can't quite get that visual out of my head.

I became fixated on watching her breathe. As long as I've been volunteering for Hospice, I've never been with a patient when they died so really didn't know what to expect exactly. I knew that breathing slows way down and is shallow. Up and down went the white blanket covering her, with very few pauses. Every once in a while a petal from one of the tulips fell, which would make me immediately focus again on her breathing. I thought for sure it was some sort of 'sign', but it wasn't. I was just being WAY too vigilant.

She didn't die on my watch, and I'm not quite sure how I would have reacted if she did. I never had a chance to form a relationship with this person and didn't know anything about her but her name. No idea what her diagnosis is; how long she's been sick; nothing.

I left shortly after 8pm, because she was peacefully sleeping. I left my card with the nurse and told her to call me if she wakes and needs someone to sit with her. Based on what I know about how things normally happen, I don't think she's going to die tonight and I'm comforted by the fact that the coordinator has found someone to sit with her tomorrow, when she'll really need someone.

I'm staying dressed, just in case they call- but I suspect I've met with this mysterious woman for the last time.