I'm surrounded by sick furry things. BJ (the one with the furry face) has had the flu for about five days now. Einstein (the one with fur all over) has had the sniffles and snorts for about a week. Me? I'm washing my hands like crazy. I've been feeling slightly sore-throaty and sniffly, but it could be allergies. Yeah- that's what I'll believe. It's allergies.

I'm leaving for the airport at 5am for a 7:30 something flight. I'm hoping I won't get sick at all, but if I do it HAS to wait until I get home tomorrow night. I've flown way too many times with a stuffy nose/head and it's by far my least favorite thing to do. Besides, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't win a popularity contest if I infected the people at my destination.

The new furniture came, so BJ is convalescing in style and comfort in front of his 7ft movie screen. Einstein is laying smack next to my leg, so he's doing his own form of convalescence. Poor guys, but really they could have it much worse. For example, Ranger Mike also has the flu. He sounds miserable and doesn't have anyone to get his medicines or tuck him in. It makes me want to fly him out here so I can take care of all three of 'em.

Welp, see you on the other side of Saturday!

Saturday I'll be flying out for the day to visit my grandmother for her 96th birthday and will finally meet my half-sister (my biological father's daughter.) We've talked on the phone a few times and she seems like a really nice person, so I know that this will not be an uncomfortable meeting. I'm looking forward to it, actually, because she's so fun to talk to. I dare say that she's even friendlier than I am. Is it possible?

Lots has happened with my grandmother since the last time I visited her. She is failing in both health and memory and is now living with one of my aunts. I'm prepared that this will be the last time I see her. She may not even know who I am, and I'm OK with that. After all, she only met me five years ago.

I suspect that after this meeting, I'll be inclined to keep in touch with my half-sister. I really hate that term, because I don't have ANY full-blooded siblings, and certainly don't refer to them as my half-brother, etc., yet I feel that calling her 'sister' would somehow dishonor the relationship I have with the siblings I grew up with.

I'll figure all of that out, I'm sure.

It's going to be a long and most likely emotional day for me. I fly out in the early morning, and fly back that night. I suspect that there will be lots of processing going on in my noggin, and for that I'm thankful for my trusty blog. In a few years, I'll look back on this part of my history and will have figured out everything by then. It'll be a nice reminder of my feelings and thoughts.

What a ride it's been, eh? It all started on Feb 23, 2005, when I both found my father and found out he was dead on the very same day. I didn't stop searching there, and am thankful for my tenacious nature. That lead to finding my grandmother, still alive at the age of 92, excited about meeting me.

When I think back over the last five years, I can hardly believe the roller-coaster of 'stuff' I've experienced. If I were to just tell my story to someone, I'm pretty sure they'd think I was embellishing because seriously? Just wow. No regrets and lots of wonder and opportunities for growth.

I suspect that 2010 is going to be a year of growth for me, which means there are both difficult and wonderful things in store. I have a feeling that this visit will go down in the 'wonderful' column.

Our volunteer coordinator read this to us on Saturday, and I've been meaning to post it because I loved it so much. My sweet friend Yvonne wrote something in FB that is giving me the kick in the pants to post this.

Let Go
To let go does not mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off, it's the realization I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable, but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another, it's to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective, it's to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more.

~Fr. Robert Gehring, Maryknoll Associate Priest from the Diocese of Gary, Indiana, serving in Bolivia

Well, I made it. Yesterday was by far the most emotional part of training. Today was more going over what is required of us as volunteers, paperwork, and listening to other volunteers tell their experiences.

I have to go get two TB tests in a matter of two weeks and once again get a Antibody titer since my vaccination records are not in order. Remember the last time I did that? I had ZERO immunity to all of the things I'd been vaccinated for or even had as a child (mumps, chicken pox). I started the series of vaccinations, but didn't finish- so I have to go thru that again. Bleh. Hopefully the one set will be enough to make it so I don't have to get the rest of the series.

If I do, then I will. It's irresponsible to walk around unvaccinated, especially if I travel. It puts me and other people at risk to not be vaccinated. If I didn't know I had zero immunities to childhood disorders and the ability to make that right, unvaccinated people would be putting me at risk. Best to know, right?

Tuesday is my first assignment. Tomorrow I'm going to lay REALLY low. I'm zonked out from going from Vegas straight into a series of days of Hospice training.

I give my Hospice patient a call tomorrow night to make sure he's up for our adventure of storycatching. I'm the first volunteer they're rolling this out with, so it's up to me to make it a good example. They'll be sharing my work in a future inservice meeting.

We'll be asking for permission to share the stories, so if I'm able, I'll share them with you here. Let me tell you- this guy has had QUITE a life and his story is going to be fascinating.

In other news, it's going to be nice to be home tomorrow. I'm calling it the calm before the storm. I have loads of clients coming up and lots of work to do (gotta pay the tax man some way!), and I'm almost to the point of hiring my small little team of peeps. Eeeep! I've been fighting it too long. I've been told by the man who has the midus touch that I'm a fool for not growing my business. He's a very successful man and I respect his opinion a great deal- so I'm going to listen to his advice. I'm only going to grow enough to help out my boys. At least that's what I say now. I think the rest will come in the form of partners.

2010 is going to be the best year of my life. It's started out that way and I see nothing but wonderful things on the horizon. I can't wait to see all of it unfold. Put on your seatbelts, it's going to be quite a ride!

I know I owe more Vegas stories, and they're coming, I promise!

As previously mentioned, I'm smack in the middle of Hospice training (for the fourth time, I might add.) It's been emotionally draining, to say the least. This is not to say that I'm not glad that I'm there. I had the choice to do the training again and reminded myself that I've always gotten a lot out of training each time. So far, I'm glad that I opted in.

It's nice to be back to this particular Hospice organization. It feels like home, and the staff have all been so happy to see me again; affirming to me how I truly am meant for this work. Sure, they could be just telling me nice things, but they're telling all the participants of the training about the work I've done for them. It feels good and it feels right.

Today was the exercise that is always so emotional for me. I'm too lazy to track down the post from 2004 (wow, I've been writing her a long time!), but... oh forget it. Hold on, I'll find it.....

OK, here it is.

Anyway, it's interesting to me how my choices have changed each time I've done this exercise. Typically, all of my possessions are the first to go, but I held on to our home up until the point where it came to the relationships. I've known how this exercise goes each time, but sitting in a chapel, watching other people give up their possessions, knowing that patients really ARE giving up everything- all of it is just like doing it the first time. I make an effort to be truly present when doing Hospice-related things and this exercise was no different.

It was hard for me to not think of my cousin during this exercise. We are supposed to put ourselves in the story, but I kept shifting back and forth between the two of us. The story being told was so close to her story and though I was fully aware of the things she had to give up when her journey was coming to an end, I became even more keenly aware of her loss. Independence, the ability to provide, the ability to be the mother she once was.. all the things that would devastate me to let go of.

In the end, I came back to me and thought about the relationships in my life. Just as in previous times, we were asked to visualize what it would look like after we die. Who would be there when we took our last breath. The scene in my head surprised me, to be honest. I'm going to keep that private, except to the person who was with me. I'm still trying to rationalize it in my head, quite frankly (NO! It wasn't Donny Osmond!)

I'm looking forward to what tomorrow brings (eeep, I'd best get to bed because we start bright and early, one hour away from home...). I'm also looking forward to my first assignment. That'll be Tuesday morning at 10am.

I suspect I'm going to have some interesting dreams tonight.