Hospice

I made a new friend at the Story-Catcher event Tuesday night. She owns a funeral home.

In the past, I've toyed with the idea of working in a funeral home as a funeral director because I'm not afraid to be present with families who are grieving. I'd like to think that I'm good at it, actually. Even if my new friend wasn't hilarious and fun to be around, I'd still want to get together with her to talk about her experiences. The whole funeral home business fascinates me for some reason.

Yes, I'm fully willing to admit that I'm an odd duck.

Our volunteer coordinator expressly forbid (he was joking!) us to hang out together. He said that the world is not quite ready for the two of us combined in any sort of gathering. Of course, that makes me want to hang out with her even more.

She has one vehicle. It happens to have the name of her funeral home all over it, which of course could be alarming to Hospice patient families.

She shared a story about one of her visits with a Hospice patient. She tries to park her vehicle down the road, rather than in the driveway, but I guess that's not far enough because a family member came rushing through the front door and was stunned to see the Hospice patient alive and well yacking it up with my friend.

For some reason, I can't stop giggling about that scene. I probably shouldn't, but I do.

One might think that it's awfully convenient for a funeral director to be a Hospice patient-care volunteer, but we have rules and guidelines in place where you cannot profit in ANY way from anyone you're assigned to. She shared with me that she decided to become a volunteer because, like me, she's really good with people in crisis and felt that she wanted to share her talents in a non-profit environment. I think that's really cool.

I like it that she's irreverent like me. There's a time to be somber and reverent, but you can't be that way ALL the time. Well, I guess you can- but you sure wouldn't be any fun to hang with.

I wonder if she'd let me job shadow her sometime. I wouldn't want to do this for a living- - I love what I do, but I'd like to get this silly fascination out of my head.

Have you ever had a strange fascination with something completely wacky?

I think I mentioned that I was a panelist for a group of new volunteers last week, right? I was asked to speak about my experiences as a volunteer and answer any questions they might have such as:

• "Are you ever afraid?" - - Yes, many times. My way of dealing with the fear is to tell myself that if I'm not meant to be there at that moment, then something would have kept me from that appointment; or when making calls, the person on the other end won't pick up the phone if they're not up to talking.


• "How do you keep from crying?" - - I tell myself that if I cry, that puts the other person in the position of feeling like they need to comfort me. I'm there to comfort them. That usually nips it in the bud.


• "How do you keep from getting too attached?" - - I don't stop myself from feeling love for these people, but I do set boundaries for myself.

I'm doing lots of fun things for this Hospice organization, including trying to bring them into this century when it comes to technology. I'm looking forward to speaking for the Hospice Ambassador program and also looking forward to my next Story-catching assignment. My coordinator told me that I have to wait my turn because there are other volunteers who want to do it too. Meh. Next week I'm going to be on a panel of Story-catchers to share my experiences. That's going to be fun. It'll also be interesting to pull something out of my last experience that I can share in public. This guy was so much fun- but did have some very 'naughty' stories for an 85 year old man!

I received a note in the mail yesterday. I wanted to put it here so I have it to read back on when I'm feeling like I'm not doing enough.

Dear Lori,
Thank you for the beautiful description of your hospice work on Sunday to our new volunteers. The breadth and depth of your experience with Hospice is unsurpassed.

Your energy and JOY in doing this work were really uplifting to the new volunteers. What a delight it is to have you back "home" with [name of Hospice organization].

I feel so supported by you as well with all of your good ideas and willingness to share your expertise, technology know-how and positive spirit with us in improving and evolving our program.

I appreciate your time Sunday and all you do to make our program wonderful.

I *love* what I do with Hospice, and never feel that I'm doing enough. I always want to do MORE. I feel energized with each and every assignment, and that tells me that I'm supposed to be there. Yesterday we had lunch with our investments manager and I mentioned that I was on my way to Hospice House after lunch. He then shared that he's on the board of trustees for another Hospice organization. You couldn't get me to shut up about Hospice. I loved it that it turned from talking about money (one of my least favorite topics because money is not my thing...) to Hospice.

I feel like Hospice is home for me.

I mentioned a few weeks ago that I'm the first to roll out the story-catching service that our Hospice organization is offering. In theory, I'd meet with a patient whose family has requested this service and record a story on a little recorder; put the story on CD and present it to the patient and their family. It's not supposed to be an interview and you shouldn't hear my voice (much). Just the patient telling their story for about 20 minutes or so. In THEORY it should be an easy transition of sitting down, giving a brief introduction on the recorder of the patient's name and date and keeping the patient on track.

After reading a brief summary of what the patient wanted to share, I knew that it was going to be more than 20 minutes. No problem. The recording device has a lot of capacity.

To say this man was ready for the interview is an understatement. He started talking from the moment I walked into the door and I had trouble finding a gracious way of saying, "hey- we need to start the recorder." So much for graceful.

Twenty minutes went by.... then another twenty... and another twenty.... until we were up to three hours worth of 20 minute stories.

This man's eighty-something years of life have been amazing. Three hours wasn't enough, so I made an appointment to meet with him again. That was yesterday.

Again, I was off to a completely ungraceful start. I just decided to turn on the recorder as soon as I could- even though he was in the middle of a story. We spent another three hours together and I still feel that he had more to share, but it's important that we get this finished and presented to the family. My volunteer coordinator is under pressure to get our first story finished so the social workers will feel comfortable in referring the (totally free) service to more people.

I told my new friend that we had to wrap this up, and told him what would happen next. And then I did something I wasn't really expecting. I told him that I wanted to continue visiting him even though our project was complete, which really put a smile on his face (mine too!) I really had/have no intention of volunteering in the patient-care side of Hospice, but there's something about this amazing man that made me want to see him again. I called the volunteer coordinator and asked him if I could be assigned as this man's volunteer.

I promised the coordinator that I wouldn't 'adopt' everyone whose story I would be recording. Besides, when will I have time? I've also signed up to be in the new Hospice Ambassador program. Public speaking to create awareness about Hospice and what it has to offer.

Man, it's a good thing I don't have a job.

::KIDDING:: But I do need to make sure that I keep this balanced. Balanced? What is that?

Well, I made it. Yesterday was by far the most emotional part of training. Today was more going over what is required of us as volunteers, paperwork, and listening to other volunteers tell their experiences.

I have to go get two TB tests in a matter of two weeks and once again get a Antibody titer since my vaccination records are not in order. Remember the last time I did that? I had ZERO immunity to all of the things I'd been vaccinated for or even had as a child (mumps, chicken pox). I started the series of vaccinations, but didn't finish- so I have to go thru that again. Bleh. Hopefully the one set will be enough to make it so I don't have to get the rest of the series.

If I do, then I will. It's irresponsible to walk around unvaccinated, especially if I travel. It puts me and other people at risk to not be vaccinated. If I didn't know I had zero immunities to childhood disorders and the ability to make that right, unvaccinated people would be putting me at risk. Best to know, right?

Tuesday is my first assignment. Tomorrow I'm going to lay REALLY low. I'm zonked out from going from Vegas straight into a series of days of Hospice training.

I give my Hospice patient a call tomorrow night to make sure he's up for our adventure of storycatching. I'm the first volunteer they're rolling this out with, so it's up to me to make it a good example. They'll be sharing my work in a future inservice meeting.

We'll be asking for permission to share the stories, so if I'm able, I'll share them with you here. Let me tell you- this guy has had QUITE a life and his story is going to be fascinating.

In other news, it's going to be nice to be home tomorrow. I'm calling it the calm before the storm. I have loads of clients coming up and lots of work to do (gotta pay the tax man some way!), and I'm almost to the point of hiring my small little team of peeps. Eeeep! I've been fighting it too long. I've been told by the man who has the midus touch that I'm a fool for not growing my business. He's a very successful man and I respect his opinion a great deal- so I'm going to listen to his advice. I'm only going to grow enough to help out my boys. At least that's what I say now. I think the rest will come in the form of partners.

2010 is going to be the best year of my life. It's started out that way and I see nothing but wonderful things on the horizon. I can't wait to see all of it unfold. Put on your seatbelts, it's going to be quite a ride!

I know I owe more Vegas stories, and they're coming, I promise!

As previously mentioned, I'm smack in the middle of Hospice training (for the fourth time, I might add.) It's been emotionally draining, to say the least. This is not to say that I'm not glad that I'm there. I had the choice to do the training again and reminded myself that I've always gotten a lot out of training each time. So far, I'm glad that I opted in.

It's nice to be back to this particular Hospice organization. It feels like home, and the staff have all been so happy to see me again; affirming to me how I truly am meant for this work. Sure, they could be just telling me nice things, but they're telling all the participants of the training about the work I've done for them. It feels good and it feels right.

Today was the exercise that is always so emotional for me. I'm too lazy to track down the post from 2004 (wow, I've been writing her a long time!), but... oh forget it. Hold on, I'll find it.....

OK, here it is.

Anyway, it's interesting to me how my choices have changed each time I've done this exercise. Typically, all of my possessions are the first to go, but I held on to our home up until the point where it came to the relationships. I've known how this exercise goes each time, but sitting in a chapel, watching other people give up their possessions, knowing that patients really ARE giving up everything- all of it is just like doing it the first time. I make an effort to be truly present when doing Hospice-related things and this exercise was no different.

It was hard for me to not think of my cousin during this exercise. We are supposed to put ourselves in the story, but I kept shifting back and forth between the two of us. The story being told was so close to her story and though I was fully aware of the things she had to give up when her journey was coming to an end, I became even more keenly aware of her loss. Independence, the ability to provide, the ability to be the mother she once was.. all the things that would devastate me to let go of.

In the end, I came back to me and thought about the relationships in my life. Just as in previous times, we were asked to visualize what it would look like after we die. Who would be there when we took our last breath. The scene in my head surprised me, to be honest. I'm going to keep that private, except to the person who was with me. I'm still trying to rationalize it in my head, quite frankly (NO! It wasn't Donny Osmond!)

I'm looking forward to what tomorrow brings (eeep, I'd best get to bed because we start bright and early, one hour away from home...). I'm also looking forward to my first assignment. That'll be Tuesday morning at 10am.

I suspect I'm going to have some interesting dreams tonight.