Hospice

Have you noticed that I've been writing more lately? I feel my authentic self returning full speed ahead and I like that person. A lot.

I am back from the Hospice in-service meeting. It was like being 'home'. I made the right choice in going back to this particular organization. I walked in and it felt like a huge hug. I know that sounds weird, but that's how it felt.

I'm so excited about being a story-catcher. That's what they're calling our group. Pretty neat, right? The volunteer coordinator, someone I've known for many years, pulled me aside after the meeting and told me that they'd like me to be the person to mentor the other volunteers and let them sit in and watch how I do things until they're comfortable in doing it themselves. I had a good reputation in the bereavement group for being a good listener and I'd take pages and pages of notes. We'll be using a small recorder, making my job a lot easier.

After the meeting I went up to the nook where I used to make calls to the bereaved. I ran my fingers across all the booklets and pamphlets that I've sent to so many people after talking with them, and took a deep breath. I'm so ready to begin, but have to go through training again before I get the reins again.

I don't mind, really. The stories and experiences we hear in training are always amazing. Besides, I can never get enough of playing patient and being rolled around in a wheelchair.

Reprinted without permission- but I'm taking the chance that Dr. Wolfelt will be OK with this.....

I'm thinking of you today, my friend, in the loss of your mother.

"There is nothing in nature that can't be taken as a sign of both mortality and invigoration." ... Gretel Ehrlich

I remind you that the word "bereaved," which to our modern-day ears can sound like an old-fashioned term that only a funeral director might use, means "to be torn apart" and "to have special needs." So despite its obsolescence, the word is still accurate and useful. Perhaps your most important "special need" right now is to be compassionate with yourself. In fact, the word "compassion" means "with passion." Caring for and about yourself with passion is self-compassion.

This article is a gentle reminder to be kind to yourself as you journey through the wilderness of your grief. If you were embarking on a hike of many days through rugged mountains of Colorado, would you dress scantily, carry little water, and push yourself until you dropped?

Of course not. You would prepare carefully and proceed cautiously. You would take care of yourself because if you didn't, you could die. The consequences of not taking care of yourself in grief can be equally devastating.

Over many years of walking with people in grief, I have discovered that most of us are hard on ourselves when we are in mourning. We judge ourselves and we shame ourselves and we take care of ourselves last. But good self-care is essential to your survival. To practice good self-care doesn't mean you are feeling sorry for yourself, or being self-indulgent; rather, it means you are creating conditions that allow you to integrate the death of someone loved into your heart and soul.

I believe that in nurturing ourselves, in allowing ourselves the time and loving attention we need to journey safely and deeply through grief, we find meaning in our continued living. We have all heard the scripture, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." To this I might add, "Blessed are those who learn self-compassion during times of grief, for they shall go on to discover continued meaning in life, living and loving."

Remember, self-care fortifies your long and challenging grief journey, a journey that leaves you profoundly affected and deeply changed. To be self-nurturing is to have the courage to pay attention to your needs. Above all, self-nurturing is about self-acceptance. When we recognize that self-care begins with ourselves, we no longer think of those around us as being totally responsible for our well-being. Healthy self-care forces us to mourn in ways that help us heal, and that is nurturing indeed.

I also believe that self-nurturing is about celebration, about taking time to enjoy the moment, to find hidden treasures everywhere -in a child's smile, a beautiful sunrise, a flower in bloom, a friend's gentle touch. Grief teaches us the importance of living fully in the present, remembering our past, and embracing our future.

Walt Whitman wrote, "I celebrate myself." In caring for yourself "with passion," you are celebrating life as a human being who has been touched by grief and come to recognize that the preciousness of life is a superb opportunity for celebration.

I'm heading out on a business trip tomorrow, and am actually looking forward to it for a change. I think it's because it's not too long of a trip. I leave tomorrow afternoon and I'll be back at about noon on Friday. I have plans with friends each night (assuming I don't get another sinus infection..) and I get to wear jeans to work.

I've told the other two clients that I'm unavailable next week. It'll be nice to not have to keep my brain on 24/7.

My cousin is declining rapidly which, based on what I've learned, is not a surprise. I'm doing what I can to be a comfort to her mother (my aunt) by checking in with her often and sharing what I know. Obviously nothing can take the pain of losing someone away from another person. All we can do is listen and invite them to share their pain with you. You never have to worry about saying the right thing, if all you're doing is listening.

I've now experienced family situations in which Hospice was allowed in too late and Hospice was allowed in right away. My Aunt tells me that Hospice has been a great comfort to them. My hope is that the three (ha ha ha) people who read my blog will take away what I'm sharing about Hospice and keep it in the back of their mind if they're ever presented with a situation in which Hospice is recommended.

I had my typical weekly meeting with "Big Fish" this morning. She mentioned that they're hoping to keep me on after this quarter (yippee!) She said that they're also going to introduce me to one of their subsidiaries who is looking for someone to create eLearning. Weeee!

For me, the better news is that I've finally decided on which Hospice organization I'm going to join. James (my volunteer coordinator) gave me an offer this morning that I cannot refuse. I'm going to be their story gatherer. I'll be going to patient's homes and recording their stories. Once we've finished with that patient, we'll present their audio stories on a CD to their family. This is so exciting to me! I love people's stories and I can't imagine anything I'd love to do more.

I'm going to their in-service meeting the end of this month and then going through 40 hours of training again (bleh!- but I know I'll enjoy it), and then I get to start.

I'm absolutely thrilled with this assignment. THRILLED!

I called and left a message with the Hospice volunteer organization on Monday. Hopefully I'll hear back from them soon. I asked to speak to a specific person (James), because he and I really hit it off when I was in his organization. He called me his Hospice sugar mama because not only did I volunteer there, I donated monthly and my company matched my funds.

I left James' organization when I found out that there was a different Hospice only five minutes from me when we moved to this place. It made a lot more sense than driving a half hour each way. But the one I was at most recently merged with another organization and now they're just blocks from each other. I really liked the Hospice counselor (Fearless Leader) but she moved, so there's really nothing tying me to this place.

So, about timing....

I received a devastating email from my Aunt that my cousin is going on Hospice. They were told yesterday that there is nothing more the doctors can do for her.

My cousin is only 48 years old and has a young son. My heart is broken for my aunt who lost her mother in childhood, lost her father when she was in her late 30's or early 40's and lost her husband 20 years or so ago. And now she's losing a child. I can't even imagine.

My heart is broken for her sister who lost her dad and her best friend, her sister. I can't fathom what that must be like.

I'm glad that my cousin is going on Hospice and that her family knows how much it will help ease the transition. I've never had a family member on Hospice. I've only witnessed Hospice from the eyes of a volunteer.

I pray that Hospice will be able to make her comfortable, as the cancer has spread to her bones. I pray that Hospice will be a comfort to the family and provide them the resources they need to guide them through this next stage. And I pray that my cousin will be at peace.