I love you honey, and can't believe my good fortune in meeting you. Even more, I can't imagine this journey without you next to me.

There are many people in my life that won't believe what I'm about to write here. Ready? You may want to sit down (oh- you probably are- most people don't stand up whilst computing)

I've invited my ex-husband (the boy's dad) and his wife over for our Christmas Eve celebration.

::waits for those that have fainted to revive themselves::

I'm only writing the next part to give you an idea of how big of a deal this is (and is NOT intended as a victim or martyr statement). When I say that I have a time in my life that I compare the bad stuff to, in order to tell myself that if I went through that and survived, then I can survive "this"? My ex-husband was a very large player in that scenario. It truly was the scariest and most heart-wrenching, soul-crushing time that I've ever lived through.

Prior to Casey and Jessica's wedding, I'd had maybe two times where I spent more than 5 minutes with him from the time we divorced in 1990 or so. I'd forgiven him for what happened long ago, but even today there are memories that still make me feel like I was punched in the stomach when I think about them (fortunately it's not often that I even go 'there'.) I'm a firm believer in forgiving but not forgetting- otherwise, that lesson is going to come back to bite you in the tush.

Anywhoo... I spent quite a bit of time with the x and his wife at the wedding and actually enjoyed them. I think he and I have both changed quite a bit. It's still VERY obvious that we were not meant to be together (almost laughable at times because it's SO obvious), but they are really nice people and great conversationalists. That's when I started thinking about combining our family activities. BJ's divorced parents did that, and BJ really appreciated it.

I know it's getting more complicated to have family gatherings now that we have girls to go with the boys (yay!), so I thought this would be a great way to make it just a little easier. I suggested we try to do this for holidays and birthdays if possible and that I don't mind having it at my place all the time, but it doesn't have to be.

I'm actually kind of excited about this. It's really kind of nice to put the lid on that box of yucky stuff and move forward, ya know?

Next? I plan to skydive.

[edited to add, YES, they're coming and I'm actually excited about it!]

The comments about landing on my feet? Yup, I believe it too and so does everyone that knows me at work. I'll be sharing my plan with you as soon as I have a few conferences. I have some top level executives at my disposal and I plan to get information from them in regard to Lori's Next Big Adventure (hmmm, maybe I'll make a new category). I feel really GOOD about my ideas and I'm here to tell you that no moss will be growing under my feet even though I have many months of severance pay.

BJ asked me if I was at least going to take a couple of months off and I told him NO WAY. I'm sure there are many out there that would love to be afforded the opportunity to sit back for a few months and be paid to do it. I *wish* I was one of those people, and I'm sure my body wishes I was one of those people, but I'm not. My dad has been advising me that maybe taking some time off to regroup is a good idea. I know deep down that my dad (and everybody else that tells me the exact same thing) is right.

I'll say this- I'm *thinking* about it, but the whole idea scares me. What I wouldn't give for a crystal ball right now, yanno?

I'm in the office today and I see a lot of desks that have been cleared out. That makes me sad. Several of my friends received a transition package, meaning that they're staying on for a few months at double salary. I'm SO VERY happy for them. I wasn't just worried for myself, I was worried for my friends.

Lemme tell ya, that's a lot of worrying because I have gained a lot of awesome friends here at my current place of employment.

My termination notice was today at noon PST. It was a call-in since I'm telecommuting today. I thought I'd be funny and ask if I was the 10th caller and what did I win, when the conference line was picked up.

That one fell like a lead balloon.

I can't blame them- this has to be way more stressful on them than it is on me. I mean, I've been expecting this for a couple of weeks now. I would NOT want to be the one to tell person after person that their job will last only 6o more days.

So, my last day is 01/29. At least it's not on my birthday, right?

I am *not* taking this at all personally, and I do see some opportunities for me. I'll let you in on all of it once I get some things written down and thought out.

(Pollyanna is alive and well)

They couldn't find the whateveritis on the ultrasound (she said that doesn't mean that it's not there), so decided to wait 3 months and get another MRI to see if there are changes. If so, then they'll biopsy the old fashioned way (cut me open). She said that otherwise, she'd be shooting in the dark and that's not very helpful. While I was getting dressed, the doctor came back in and said, "Hey, can I take a look at your right breast for a minute?" As she was looking at it, she said that she noted something from the MRI and assumed that it was a mole- but she found that I don't have any moles. So, that one also gets an MRI redo in 3 months.

You know what I'm thinking? WHAT.EV.ER. I'm awfully glad that I'm able to compartmentalize stuff in my brain. You can betcha that I'm going to file the topic of the girls into that little box WAY far back in my head and not give it another thought. Damned drama queens. They've given me a few gray hairs over the past three or four years for no reason. Why should this be any different?

My appointment to find out my final date with my company is in 40 minutes. In 'preparation' I bought myself a peppermint mocha and a nicely frosted brownie. I'm enjoying them both thoroughly right now.