I've been making GREAT progress on my yard over the past 3 weekends. The worst part of it is done- the cleanup of the stuff that died out over the winter, and the danged weeds that think they're pretty enough to be showcased (they're not).

I've been doing something different this year and I hope my yard doesn't overdose on preen. I go over the areas that have already been weeded each time I garden and then pour another light dose of preen. So far, it's taking me about 10 minutes to re-weed those areas. Y'all have seen my yard by now- when I say areas, I mean BIG areas. The preen makes a HUGE difference.

Stuff is starting to grow back and the yard is not depressing to look at anymore. I tell you what, I have the MOST beautiful and relaxing yard until winter comes. Then it just depresses the heck out of me. I guess dead and brown would depress anyone.

Anyhoo...

I'm really hoping to FINISH the major stuff tomorrow- I don't care HOW long it takes. I was gardening for six hours straight last Sunday. I'm not talking namby-pamby gardening, I was hacking at things most of the time and filled my 48 gallon yard waste container with stuff that was no bigger than my hand. That's a lot of stuff. Trust me.

I still haven't used my prized rototiller yet. The area that I plan to till now has that nasty stinging nettle higher than my head. I need to wack that stuff down before I can get to where I want to go. I suspect I will have the same story to tell that I tell every year.

"I got smacked in the face with the nettle again".

You'd think I'd learn, but when I'm on a mission- I'm like a machine. I sometimes envision getting my garden to the point one day where I can have a cute little basket and a nice gardening hat and just pick the pretty flowers; weeds being a thing of the past. I have a feeling that if that day comes, I will have hired someone to do the 'dirty' work- and that's just not going to happen. There's something very therapeutic about wacking things.

Oops- did I say that out loud?

With every plant that comes back to life, my gratitude meter raises another few notches. Within a month, there will be no living with me because that's when EVERYTHING starts going to town in my garden and it different things bloom every few weeks until fall. That's a lot of joy, my friends.

I"ll take some pictures of "now" and upload them to my flickr account later on today. Every year I try to add something new (that also means removing something I didn't care for very much from the previous owners), and even though it'll probably look the same to y'all- it becomes more beautiful and more 'mine' every year. This is 'our' (me and my garden) third anniversary and it still takes my breath away.

No wonder I've become such a homebody. It's hard to leave a place that brings me such peace and joy.

If you haven't been with me long, here's the entry of when I first saw this place and had to rely on my faith that my gut wasn't steering me wrong.

I kid you not... every time I walk past this robin's nest, I want to take some scissors to it to trim it up a bit.


I do have to give her props for using some pretty colors:


I know... I know.... I really have to let go of "everything must be neat and tidy".

I had a nightmare while we were at my parent's house, that BJ decided to leave me. It was horrible because, in the nightmare, he actually moved out and then came back 'pretending' that he was back for good. However, he was doing things that made it obvious he was preparing for a more permanent departure.

"I think we should sell the house and move into an apartment. Then you wouldn't have to spend so much time in the garden" or "I think we should sell some of our stuff, that way we'll have more money in our checking account"

Whenever I'd question him about all that he was doing, he'd do his best to assure me that I was imagining things. I'd pretend that I believed him and it was really hard on me.

To be honest, it was very much like when my ex-husband left me in real life, so it was all very real to me and left me feeling very empty for a few hours after I woke up.

Last night, I had another one of those dreams that BJ was leaving me. I'm still really disturbed because it was so horrible and seemed to go on so long. I feel like someone punched me in the stomach and I can't make that feeling go away.

Those that have read my blog for a long time know that I've had issues with BJ's crazy step-mother. Part of the reason she's such a thorn to me is that she did all she could after BJ's dad died, to convince BJ (and who knows who else) that I was a mean and horrible person. That's the basis of this nightmare. I think it came from my trying to find a mother's day card to send to her that wasn't all "oh- you're such a great mother". Sadly, there aren't any "I wish you weren't a part of our lives" mother's day cards.

... so I guess the following nightmare is basically Karma for me having those evil thoughts while shopping for a Mother's day card for her.

In the dream, she finally convinced EVERYONE that I know, including BJ, that I'm an evil and horrible person. I'd been out somewhere and came home to a house full of people that hated me because I was such a horrible person. The step-mother was dragging me around by the arm to person after person to tell me that I didn't deserve BJ or deserve any friends and that FINALLY people believed her that I was evil and mean.

BJ wouldn't even talk to me in this dream, no matter how much I begged him to listen to me. I wanted to tell him that I'm not that person that she'd convinced everyone I was- but it was like talking to a wall. The step-mother was standing next to him smiling like the Cheshire cat. All around them were people yelling at me.

I left the house and outside were friends from work that the step-mother hadn't talked to yet, and they assured me that I'd be fine in the end- even without BJ. I was relieved that I had at least a few people that believed in me.

Then the step-mother came outside and convinced my work friends of what a horrible person I was. She then directed her awful diatribe to me, saying that she has told BJ from the beginning that he should leave me because I am always sick and I'm fat and now have turned stupid.

Finally, I found a shack on our property that I'd never seen before and went inside. Inside, were a bunch of people smoking crack and they seemed really nice. I told them that if they'd continue being nice to me, that I'd let them live in that shack for free. They agreed.

I guess it's easy being nice to a horrible person if you get to smoke crack in their house for free.

The dream ended with me walking outside and there was nobody around except BJ and his step-mother. He saw me come out of the house and turned his back on me and walked off. His step-mother just stayed there staring at me with a big evil smile.

The end.

Happy Mothers day!

I simply MUST carry some sort of camera/video device every where I go. I almost ALWAYS have something with me (my cellphone and Flip are always in my purse), but sometimes when walking to the drugstore during a break at work, I usually just take my wallet.

Yesterday I cursed the day I was born because there, before me, was the BEST photo op ever. Try to picture this in your mind, and then try to forgive me for not taking a picture.

At first glance, I saw a lady with a baby buggy-like stroller. Not unusual, right?

Let's take this apart.

The lady
In her late 40's or early 50's wearing leopard print leggings, leather jacket with fur trim, and big movie star sun glasses. OH yeah, and a leather beret.

The buggy
Also adorned with leopard print. Upon closer inspection, the buggy did NOT contain a baby. The buggy contained a little Yorkie, laying in the middle of a bunch of leopard print blankets.

I promise from now on to NEVER go outside my home without a camera.

Forgiven?

Oh yeah- GO DAVID COOK!

I'm back from my visit with the neurologist with new drugs! Woo! I'd asked her to up the Klonopin prescription because it's just not doing what it used to do. She gave me a very emphatic "NO". She said that she doesn't want me to walk around like a zombie.

My employer will thank her.

However, I need something for the jerking and jaw clenching (yes, it's Baaaacccccckkkkkk), because some nights it drives me CRAZY. It also drives me crazy when the jerking decides to make an appearance in meetings. She said she'd up my dose of Seroquel and keep me at the same levels of klonopin, and add Requip. Requip is prescribed for restless leg syndrome, but she thinks it might help me with the full body jerking and jaw clenching.

I hope so.

The nice thing is that she always gives me 2 weeks of samples when trying me on new drugs. So, I'll start it tonight.

Now, the pamphlet tells me to talk to my doctor if I experience new or increased gambling, sexual or other intense urges (what? other than peanut butter M&Ms?) while taking Requip.

If you see me writing about quitting my job because I'm going to hang out at the pony races and talk of supplementing my income by working for Heidi Fleiss, be sure to let my doctor know. I have a feeling I might not notice because of all the other drugs I'm taking.

She told me that I'm pretty much where I'm going to stay (unless I bonk my head again). I'm almost a year out from the original injury and it's been quite a journey. The only time it really bothers me is when I'm under ANY kind of stress. I go back to ground zero immediately. It's really amazing to watch myself in stressful situations. I want to ask, "hey, where did Lori go?".

She said that I'll probably be on various combinations of these drugs for the rest of my life and I'm OK with that. Why? Because they really help and I don't have a problem in doing whatever it takes to make me feel better.