I was reading a blog last night that kind of bothered me. I was going to leave my comment on her blog, but it got rather long, so I decided that I wanted to share my thoughts here. I'm not writing about this to disrespect her opinion (nor do I want anyone else to do that, which is why I didn't link to her blog). I just wanted to discuss that topic a bit because I feel that I fall into the category she was referring to even though I don't believe she was specifically talking about me. I just wanted to defend those bloggers she was referring to.

The point of the post was that she felt that the people who write the witty, observant type of blogs (I'm thinking Seinfeld?) are putting on an act and that they were basically writing for their readers. She felt that this was covering up self-esteem problems.

As for me, I understand and like these blogs and the people behind them. I'm assuming that they're like me in that my writing is not an act and has nothing to do with self-esteem. This is how I am in real life. I even giggle about things when I'm all by myself because I am constantly amused by what goes on around me. I talk about what interests me, and I'm mostly attracted to the blogs that are like mine.

Really, look at the types of books out there. There are funny books, romance novels, spiritual books, etc. People write what they enjoy writing about or what they're good at. Sure, some authors of books write what they think will sell, but I don't think they're hiding anything. As for blogs, I think most write for their own enjoyment, and if they're like me, they write to amuse themselves. If nobody likes it, who cares. I'm not asking for anyone's opinion on how I look (I have a mirror), if I'm a good writer (I know I have a problem with grammar and apostrophe's), or whether anyone thinks I'm crazy (because I already know the answer to that!)

It's fun to write. I'll certainly admit that it is nice to see people coming back to read about what's going on in my life, just like it's nice that people call me to go have lunch with them. It's because they enjoy spending time with me. Who doesn't like that?

But the point is, I write for me, not anyone else. My personal journal (prior to going online) and letters to family and friends read very much like my blog. It usually contained funny observations, or something dumb I did that day. That's who I am, and I love to go back weeks or months later to re-read the dumb stuff I've written about. It makes me laugh and I LOVE to laugh. It's kind of like watching re-runs of a comedy that I've enjoyed, only better because it's all about me.me.me!

I went to lunch with a girlfriend of mine on Tuesday. We talked about some very deep things and both of us cried, but we also laughed a whole lot. At the end of the lunch we giggled about the fact that we were laughing and talking about death and cancer all in the same lunch hour. We connected. It's OK to have fun and be light hearted as long as you also can respectfully acknowledge in whatever way you feel comfortable, the sad things.

In Hospice, we laugh just as much as we cry. Laughter is SO good for the soul. So is connecting.

The blogs I avoid are the ones that live their lives to get people to feel sorry for them. Emotional vampires, martyrs, and drama queens/kings (in the attention-seeker way... I like FUNNY drama queen/kings). It's draining and annoying. I avoid those people in real life too.

I have a secret online journal that only a hand full of people know about. It contains very private thoughts and the comments are closed. I rarely write in it, but I do so to release emotions that nobody else needs to deal with. Again, I write that for me, but I have shared it with some who I felt need to know *why* I understand what they're feeling. I also wanted them to see that you can be on rock bottom and there is sunlight out there. I have built some really great coping tools over my life, and I have hubby and sis to talk to when I need it. But I still need to write because that's who I am.

I feel that blogs really are a reflection of what people are like in real life. Bloggers own the real estate, and that's the cool part. They can blog about whatever they'd like and not worry about boring anyone to tears or making anyone's eyes bleed. People can choose to read or not, but in real life people don't usually have that option. I mean really, have you ever been prisoner to a person in real life that just wouldn't stop talking? It's hard to walk away if you're a nice person. But a blog? They'll never know if you click the little "x" at the top of the page.

A blog should be for one's own entertainment- whatever that entertainment might be.

So, there's the other side of the coin. Now you can see why I didn't leave all of this in a teeny tiny comment box.

Sometimes I just think funny things. That's what hubby says when he hears me giggling for no apparent reason. I usually keep my 'funny' thoughts to myself because sometimes those thoughts are better left unshared. This one would definitely qualify. But heck, my mother taught me that it's nice to share.

Have you ever been to a class or a meeting where they have a "getting to know you" exercise; the one where you are supposed to share something that people would never guess about you? Normally I like to share the fact that I made a good living for two years singing in dinner houses, lounges and weddings. Or that I was in a Little Miss America pagent at the Hollywood Bowl. Those stories are usually good for a raised eyebrow or two. Especially considering what I do now for a living.

I have NO idea why this popped into my head just now, but I thought it would be funny to share in one of these "getting to know you exercises" the fact that I have two... oh, never mind.

I was just going to email this to my online son (he's not really my son, but I've adopted him) Jay-B, but decided that I'd just go ahead and share it with the world.

It just occured to me that the "B" might just be his middle initial. Most of my real life friends call me 'Lori D'. "D" is my middle initial. That started from the fact that in meetings I like to introduce myself as Lori D. (insert last name- here) I started adding my middle initial in my introductions as a joke, even at meetings at work, and really enjoyed the reaction it got. Especially from the execs. The reaction ranged from the double take, to the raised eyebrows to snickering. So, I just kept on going. I've been doing it for over 10 years now and still itch for when people ask me what the D stands for.

Ready? (I swear, I do this EVERY time, no matter who asks) It goes something like this...

..so what does the "D" stand for, Lori?

I usually add a pause for dramatic effect, then I say, "Dy-no-mite" said in my best Jimmy Walker voice.

Yep, it's true. Crazy that I've made it this far in my career, isn't it?

I'm proud to say that I'm writing this post from my laptop. She's not running on all of her memory, but she's plugging along. It was a harrowing day with Dell yesterday and I've just barely recovered from the trauma. Mommy needs a cocktail.

As promised by Dell customer service, the Dell guy came out and replaced my motherboard yesterday afternoon. It booted up fine (or so I thought) and I breathed a sigh of relief. There it was, my desktop with the forty million icons all over it. It truly was a thing of beauty.

I quickly rushed the Dell guy out the door so I could pet and coo over my little buddy. As soon as he was out the door, I carefully caressed the mouse. Nothing. My heart stopped cold. I wiggled and wiggled that mouse for all it was worth. Nothing. Nada. Zip.

"Ok, I'll just reboot", I thought. It didn't even get to the desktop this time. It froze while trying to load Windows.

"Ohhhhh Kayyyyy, let's try booting in safe mode", I said outloud. I hoped that my little buddy would hear all of the trouble I was going through to get her little heart started. Again, it froze up.

Just for good measure, I tried to reboot it again in safe mode. It froze up in the exact same spot. One of the drivers wouldn't load.

I dialed the number to Dell and proceeded to wait for 20 minutes before customer service finally picked up. It was a guy named Alexander who had a headset with a problem and a heavy Russian accent. A recipe for a migraine.

I told him what had happened, mentioning where exactly it was freezing up. He said, "Do you mind if we reformat your hard drive?" Whhhaaaaattttt? He asked me if I backed up, and I replied "of course". Big fat lie. I haven't backed up in like three months. He then tried to get me to reformat my hard drive again. I wouldn't bite.

I was on the phone for just over two hours with Alexander. I think it might of been his first day. Really. There were several times that I wanted to seriously beat the living crap out of him. Mostly it was when I heard him say "interesting...." after telling him what happened when I'd try out another one of his theories.

Finally, at the end of this two hour marathon, he said, "Let's try one last thing". Wouldn't you know it, that 'one last thing' was the winner. One of my memory cards was bad. It's on the way in the mail.

Several things made me believe it was his first day, but I think the last conversation we had confirmed it. He unsuccesfully tried to transfer me to their quality control department. When he couldn't figure it out, he asked me if I would call back and when a customer service rep answered I was to tell them to transfer me to their quality control department. I told him that there was NO way I was going to be on hold for another 20 minutes. He checked with his supervisor and I was let off the hook.

As soon as I got off the phone with Alexander, I backed up every stinking thing on my computer. That, and checked in the mirror for cauliflower ear.

Someone that I am privileged to call my friend shared with me today that she has cancer. I don't think anyone deserves this, but she especially doesn't deserve this.

She's had many struggles and quite a hard road over the past years.

..and then this.

According to my server reports, I have an average of 550-700 unique readers to my site each day, depending on whether it's a weekend or weekday. I am asking those that visit my site to please send healing thoughts toward my friend. Some might call it prayer. It doesn't matter that you don't know who she is; God or the Universe, or whatever your belief system is, will ensure that those thoughts are directed toward her. This, I know to be true.

(((((((Friend)))))), even if you don't know it, my thoughts and love are with you.