Admittedly, some of the thoughts running around in my head are a little scary. For example, sometimes when I see people riding their bikes, I hear the theme song from the Wicked Witch of the West in my head. Yep, I do.

There’s a man who rides my train that reminds me of a troll. A REAL troll (ok, I know there’s no such thing as a troll). Every morning when I see him, I think in my head, "well, hello little troll". Of course, I’d never say it out loud because that would be mean.

Last night as I was walking from the train to my car, I saw a man that was walking like he was cross-country skiing. His knees were locked and he was taking these really huge gliding-like steps. His arms were swinging like they had poles in them.

I dunno… it just struck me as being funny.

My new Donny Osmond CD came in the mail today. I had a sucky day for reasons I won’t go into, so I decided to have a bubble bath, have a glass of wine and put on some headphones and listen to my new CD.

It’s a beautiful thing, and Mommy like! It’s typical Donny Osmond, so if you’ve never liked his style, you won’t like this either. Some of the songs have great lyrics though. I may have to eventually post one that I particularly enjoyed.

Now I shall go get all mushy with hubby and all will be right in the world of RisibleGirl. I even admitted to BJ that I was a closet Donny Osmond fan. As you can guess, he laughed and gave me the eye roll.

Scoff all you want BJ… I never make fun of your Anne Archer crush.

I have a little toy on my desk at work that makes me smile. It's a little toy that BJ got for me out of a gum ball machine.

(This is the actual size. It's a smilie wearing a football helmut, holding a football. It's hard to get a good picture from my phone due to the florescent lights in my office, but you get the idea..)


I think one of the reason's I really like this little guy is because there are a lot of people who know BJ that would never believe he'd do something like this. At work, he's kind of a stuff shirt (sorry honey, but you are!) He'd also never be described as goofy. I mean really, people might expect something like this out of me. But him? Uh uh.

He said that he was at the grocery store and saw this toy in a gum ball machine out of the corner of his eye. He teases me about my affinity for placing smiley faces in my email to him, and he has a long history of playing football. So, he thought I'd like it.

I dunno, it's kind of like when your little boy gives you a dandelion. It's not something fancy or expensive, but the thought behind it is just.so.sweet.

I hope I never lose that little guy. For that matter, I hope I never lose the big guy either.

I haven't posted much about Hospice in my blog, but I think that will change soon. Prior to moving in with hubby, I was a patient volunteer. When I was doing home visits, it was my job to be with the patient while their caregiver went out and ran errands, visited friends, etc. I found that my most rewarding times were when the caregiver would just sit and talk with me and let me give them a shoulder or an ear. My patients were asleep 90% of the time, so I didn't have a whole lot of interaction with them besides physical care. I did have a lot of interaction with the families though.

I started in-patient care after having a couple of bad experiences (believe it or not, bad experiences didn't include someone dying in my presence). One was an 80 year old husband who was eager to, shall we say, replace his wife. I should have known something was up, when the social worker told me I was the second volunteer with this family, and then asked me to tell her if the husband ever became 'inappropriate'. The other was a patient who lit her oxygen tube on fire thinking it was a cigarette. Of course, it blew up in her face. I wasn't there at the time, but it scared me to think that this sort of thing might happen when I was alone with the patient. So, I went to in-patient care.

I had some wonderful experiences there and met some wonderful people. Generally, the patients were there because their family had to be somewhere for a few days. The patients I met there were actually more alert, so I was able to talk to them. Generally there were about four patients in the center at one times, so I was able to visit more than one patient in a day. One of my favorite things to do is to listen to people's stories. Especially the older generation. I'm fascinated by their experiences and the attitudes and thoughts of people decades older than me. I found it most difficult to talk to those that were my age, or possibly younger. It made me feel guilty that I'm not more careful with my body (diet and exercise... ). It also made me realize how fragile life is and reminded me that I'm not immortal.

People have asked me how I keep from crying when I'm talking to those that are dying. Especially when they're in a considerable amount of pain. It's very difficult at times, and honestly, I'm not always successful. But the trick for me is something I was told in one of my Hospice classes. Whenever you start to cry, you put OTHER people in a position of feeling that they need to comfort you. I'm the sort of person that when I give service to someone, I give myself 100%. Keeping that bit of information tucked away in the back of my head has been my little 'parlor' trick.

I had to give up Hospice for a couple of years after I moved in with BJ. For one, the Hospice center was 90 minutes away; and two, I was planning a wedding and living in a new city, etc. About six months ago, I got the itch again but had to wait for the training to start up. Even though I had been a volunteer for over two years, it was a new hospital and I had to learn it their way (very different training and attitudes in this new Hospice environment, by the way).

I finished my training in October, but had to wait until this month to get the training to do what I've wanted to do for quite a while. That's grief and bereavement. I'll be calling families who have lost someone and seeing how they are doing. After about six months of that, I'll be able to help facilitate the weekly group counseling sessions.

I feel that, if one believes in callings, this really is my calling. I've mentioned before that I'm one of those people that even strangers will tell their life stories to. I've been told that I have a very comforting presence and that after talking with me, people always feel lighter. It's an interesting feeling for me, and I can't really place my finger on it. But when I connect with someone, I CONNECT. The rest of my life completely dissapears and I am 100% with that person at that moment. Believe it or not, I also leave feeling lighter even if the discussion we've had is very heavy.

I think that's why I avoid 'emotional vampires'. There's something about my personality that can detect that sort of person almost immediately. Once I detect that in a person, I pull away immediately and permanently. Maybe I've been gifted with that sense so I'm able to reserve my energy for those that really need me.

Anyway, I'm in training every Monday this month then I get to start this new journey. I'm sure it sounds strange to read that someone is excited to talk to grieving people, but I really am. Just like I feel that I'm at the pinnacle of my career, I feel that this is the pinnacle of my life.

Apparently changing hosts is like ummm... hummm... Oh I got it. The long 27 hour labor I had with son number 1. That's hard labor, thank you very much. Pitocen from the start (for those of you in the know....) and no drugs. That, my friends, was NO fun.

Yep, that's what this changing hosts is like. Ok, I'm being a drama queen. Forget I said all that. But I am more than slightly annoyed. My new host is saying that my old host is denying the transfer. Whaaaaat? Isn't that up to me? The old host says it takes five days and to please be patient. Apparently they don't know me very well.

So, I wait. I don't want to flip to Movable Type until I change hosts. That way it'll be like a fresh start, eh?

My posts are getting REAL boring! No worries, I'll be back to my 'charming' self soon. That's assuming I was charming in the first place. heh.