Surgery is scheduled for tomorrow at 9am, and I check in at 7:30. That is, if the cardiologist's office gives me clearance.

Suddenly, that's a big hairy deal.

I've called the cardiologists office several times as soon as I found out I was going to have surgery to see if there was something special I needed to tell my surgeon. No return phone calls until the hospital called them requesting my EKGs. I got a call from a nurse the cardiologist's office saying that I had no business scheduling a surgery without clearance from the cardiologist. Ummmm, I hope there are records somewhere showing all my messages so she knows what a jerk she was to me.

Today I've been busying myself with deep cleaning (stuff the maids seem to ignore, like pulling up the cushions on the couches and chairs and vacuuming underneath); and organizing stuff. Oh, and washing all of Einstein's stuff. That boy sheds like it's his job.

It's same-day surgery (as most are these days), so I'll most likely be home before the anesthesia completely wears off. I request that you overlook anything incriminating I may write on my blog whilst under the anesthesia and the hefty pain meds I've been prescribed.

See ya on the flip side.

Last night I attended the first meeting for the soon to be rolled out Hospice Ambassador program. I'll be one of a small handful of people who will have the opportunity to speak to various groups about Hospice and 'man' the Hospice booth at heath forums and other adventures.

I'll also get to help create the materials for the Hospice marketing department. Ha- that sounds kind of funny... Hospice has a marketing department?

It's true, because no matter what health organization your doctor is with, you can choose which Hospice to work with. Of course, we think we're the best Hospice out there and want to get the word out.

Since I've been a volunteer for three different Hospice organizations, I CAN honestly say that the one I'm with is the best. That's why I came back to this one.

My Hospice is Catholic based, but it wouldn't be evident to a patient (or a volunteer for that matter.) All faiths (or lack of) are supported and honored, which is nice since I'm not Catholic.

Not that there's anything wrong with being Catholic. I'm just not.

The two main differences between this organization and the others that I've worked with are:

1. This one opted out of the "Death With Dignity" Act. I'm personally a big supporter in this Act, but can understand why they opted out since they are faith-based. As a volunteer we're not even supposed to discuss how it works, just simply give a pamphlet with more information. The Hospice health care workers cannot be involved in any way with the act (cannot give the meds, or be in the room when it happens), but can still provide care and comfort to a patient that has made that decision.


2. Our Hospice organization provides less structure and more patient and family guided care. Some Hospice organizations have rigid rules, such as no traveling; you have to have a DNR and other restrictive policies. My organization believes that everyone is different and respects that.

I'll be a good representative for Hospice in general because I tend to evangelize about it anyhow, but it's nice to be connected to an organization that cares for people the way I'd want to be cared for. The management feel like family to me and they seem like family to each other. It's unique to any other organization I've been with.

I'm looking forward to the next journey, especially the public speaking piece. I've always wanted to be a public speaker but didn't really know which topic I was passionate about enough to invest my energy. This one just fell in my lap, as most things have these days.

It's not a bucket list, people, because this list is made of the things I want to do as soon as I get the A-OK from the surgeon sometime in early July.

1. Break open my Zumba DVD and DO IT


2. Take Einstein to my three favorite hiking spots, and hike. First up- Franklin Falls


3. Use the elliptical while Einstein runs on the treadmill (they're right next to each other.)


4. Break open my Jillian Michaels' DVD. Note this is low on the list because Angela has scared me.


5. Take off the 15 lbs I've gained since the injury and then finally get to my weight loss goal (another 15 lbs, for a total of 30 lbs)

Of course goal number five should be helped by the ability to do the previous four goals. What's NOT helping is watching Paula Deen right at this moment! I could gain weight just watching her cook. Isn't she fun though? I want to be her when I grow up.

I remember vividly my husband of six years (today!) telling me eight years ago that his relationships have a five year shelf life (are you keeping up?) I'm glad he was wrong, and I knew he was wrong back then but chose not to argue with him. I just told him that I was willing to take the gamble.

I'm glad I did.

I'm not sure he signed up for what has gone on over the past three years, but he's been a real trouper about it. He used to be deathly afraid of hospitals, and now they're no big deal. I remember the first experience I had with him in a hospital was when his dad had an aneurysm. He had to stay seated because he kept feeling like he was going to pass out. Now he cleans up the blood and gore after head injuries and holds my hand in the ER.

He doesn't question my 'uniqueness' (nice word for it, eh?) and celebrates my successes. I've honestly never been with someone who accepts all of me like he does and it's really nice. I've always held back portions of myself in relationships for whatever reason, but now I'm free to be me. Even my awesome song and dance routines are met with applause and standing ovations. OK- I made that part up. He just (begrudgingly) puts up with it because he has no choice. I break into song and dance for no particular reason because it entertains me (and Einstein!)

I think we've been through more rocky roads in the last three years than most couples see in their lifetime, yet those experiences didn't seem so bad because we weathered it together. In the last three years, we've lost three jobs (two at the exact same time); BJ was in the ICU for a week; I've been in the ER for multiple head traumas and I've had two surgeries (with another one in a week). That's just in three years.

Every once in a while, when we're watching TV together- both of us with our glasses on and BJ with a blanket (because he's cold and I'm hot!) I get glimpses of what we'll be like when we (hopefully) grow old. It always makes me smile because I have no doubt that we're together for the long run. I feel safe with him.

Maybe we are already old- don't burst my little rainbow and unicorns world.

I knew it was going to be good, but I didn't know it was going to be THIS good. Thank you honey for the most awesome years of my life so far and the joy in knowing that there are more awesome years (even if things around us are rocky) ahead.

I received a phone call from the Hospice volunteer coordinator at about 4:45 asking me if I could possibly go sit with a patient who is in the actively dying phase of her journey. She said that the patient was afraid to be alone and so of course I said yes. I'm not in patient care, but there was no reason for me to say no.

She was in a nursing home five minutes from my house. I expected the patient to be elderly, but she wasn't. I think she was younger than me, but I'll never know. I'll also never know why she was alone. She had a bulletin board full of pictures of her children who look to be in their early teens, and a family picture of all of them together (with I'm assuming her husband) from about three years ago.

Her nails were recently painted with little flowers, and she had a vase of tulips which looked to be about a week or two old by her bed. SOMEBODY has been visiting her, but why was she alone at such an important stage of her journey?

I'll never know the answer to these questions because she was asleep the entire 3.5 hours I was there, with the exception of one time when she sat up in bed; looked at me and then laid down again. I can't quite get that visual out of my head.

I became fixated on watching her breathe. As long as I've been volunteering for Hospice, I've never been with a patient when they died so really didn't know what to expect exactly. I knew that breathing slows way down and is shallow. Up and down went the white blanket covering her, with very few pauses. Every once in a while a petal from one of the tulips fell, which would make me immediately focus again on her breathing. I thought for sure it was some sort of 'sign', but it wasn't. I was just being WAY too vigilant.

She didn't die on my watch, and I'm not quite sure how I would have reacted if she did. I never had a chance to form a relationship with this person and didn't know anything about her but her name. No idea what her diagnosis is; how long she's been sick; nothing.

I left shortly after 8pm, because she was peacefully sleeping. I left my card with the nurse and told her to call me if she wakes and needs someone to sit with her. Based on what I know about how things normally happen, I don't think she's going to die tonight and I'm comforted by the fact that the coordinator has found someone to sit with her tomorrow, when she'll really need someone.

I'm staying dressed, just in case they call- but I suspect I've met with this mysterious woman for the last time.