Family

The boys (Cameron and Casey) came over on Saturday for pizza and poker night. I haven't played poker since the head bonking, and was surprised at how hard it was for me. I haven't been drinking alcohol since January or so (the smell of ANY kind of alcohol makes me awfully nauseated), so that wasn't the problem.

My boys are just like me, in that they love to tease and poke fun. But they also know which subjects are off limits for that sort of thing. It would appear that they think that my addled brain is off limits for the teasing.

I was so proud of my sons Saturday night. They were both very gentle in explaining and re-explaining the rules to me all night long. They also both said encouraging things like, "it's OK, Mom, we don't mind" and things like that. Their voices were soft and gentle when they talked to me. It never felt, even once, that I was frustrating them.

I think I was frustrated enough for all of us.

I've seen this side of them in many situations. For example, when we talk about my youngest brother. Even though he's much older than they are, they are very kind and protective when talking about him*.

I am so proud of my sons and I'm grateful for the gentle spirits that were entrusted to my care. They are very, very different from each other in many ways- but when it comes to their hearts I think that nobody would argue that they are both very kind and gentle men especially when it comes to people with special needs.

I think I'm going to have to say no to the poker for a while. I wonder if they'd consider playing Candyland or Hi-ho Cherry-o? I had to play those games with them until I thought my brain would go to Jello and ooze right out of my ears. It only seems fair.

*One day I'll write about my youngest brother here. I haven't yet, because he's very special to me and I find it hard to put his situation into context without writing up his entire life history. His life history is not my story to tell.

This post is locked down to members that have access to my private posts.

I had lunch with Heidi today, and I've been filled with thoughts of how much I miss my sister.

She's nine years younger than me, but I adored her from the moment we met. Those of you that are newish to my blog don't know that my sister is adopted. We got her from the baby store when she was six months old.

I didn't think I'd like her very much. In fact, I dragged my feet coming home from school the day I knew she was coming home to live with us.

But then? I saw her.

LOVE.AT.FIRST.SIGHT.

I became her little mama from the moment I met her. Oh how I loved that little baby, and I love her more each day (ummm- that's a lot of days, seeing as she was born in 1969).

I don't think there are many people on this earth that can claim that their sister is their best friend. I'm one of the lucky few.

I think the only fight we ever had was when she lived with me at age 14. I was already married and had two kids at the time. She stayed out too late and I was worried about her. I don't remember much about it- only that we had a fight. It was very unusual for us, and I think it was the first and the last fight we've ever had.

She's been my confidant, the keeper of my secrets and the cheerleader when I've needed it. As a Hospice volunteer, I've imagined what it might be like on the day that I die. My sister has always been in that scene. Perhaps it's because she knows me better than anyone in this world, and I trust her to know exactly how to be what I need. Michael has also been in that scene. He is the one I trust to pull the plug. (tee hee). He's also the keeper of my secrets- only in a different way. He's also my special person.

Now that I'm with the bearded eye-roller, Heidi and I live 50 miles apart. That kills me sometimes. I've never been this far from her in our adult lives, and it's still very hard to get used to- four years later.

Sis- you know this, but I wanted it here in my blog- because as we discussed today, this place is my real estate to proclaim to the world who I am and what I'm about. I believe in soul mates. I believe that we were meant to be sisters and that you and I are soul mates. I've loved you from the moment I laid eyes on you, and I will love you more than you could ever imagine for as long as I exist. I want to be there with you for EVERY.SINGLE.IMPORTANT event of your life. I will always be there for you. You can count on me... no matter what.

Love,
Sis

One of the things I like about having a blog is being able to go back through the years to read past entries. I've added a "on this day" feature in my comments that provides links to posts I've written in previous years on that date.

Today is Casey's 25th birthday and I'd written a happy birthday post to him 2005. As I read it again, I thought, "I wouldn't change a word of this post."

So here's a repost, just because I can...

Tomorrow is your 22nd birthday. That is so hard for me to comprehend because the time has passed much too quickly. Sometimes I miss that little boy that used to love to cuddle with me and promised to buy me pretty sparkly diamonds.

I remember feeling so guilty when I was pregnant with you. I thought I'd never love another baby as much as I loved your brother and I didn't think it was fair to bring you into the world under those circumstances. But then you were placed in my arms and I knew that it was indeed possible. I loved you so much that I thought my heart would burst.

I'm sorry that I didn't protect you from those mean nurses that insisted on naming you Yoda, but really, look at your baby pictures sometime. The resemblance is uncanny. I thought those eyes of yours would swallow your face.

I remember being awestruck at how you kept looking around at your surroundings only minutes after birth. It was as if you were starved for visuals and you were just taking it all in. I don't remember ever seeing a baby look around as much as you did.

The pediatrician had a good laugh with me about your first visit with him. The first baby they gave him was a girl, and he knew that wasn't right. Then they handed him this little peanut of a baby. He tried to give you back too, because he thought you'd be a Howard Huge like your brother.

You were always quite a little ladies man. Your next pediatrician was a woman and she used to laugh at how you'd flirt with her before you were even one year old. You'd give her this really coy little look and rub your toe on her leg. When you entered school, it was nirvana for you. You always had at least two girlfriends at a time. Your fifth birthday party consisted of four girls and one boy. I like those odds for you, kiddo.

I hardly ever put you down when you were a baby because you were such a cuddler. You just loved to lay in my arms and play with my hair and stare into my eyes. It was magical and I always wondered what you were thinking. You were probably plotting your next meal....

I remember always sitting with you for a while before you'd go to sleep when you were little. Sometimes it was to read a story, sometimes it was to just listen to you talk. Sometimes the things that came out of your mouth had me on the floor laughing. One time I looked at you and had my hand on your cheek and said, "I love you my sweet little boy". You put your hand on my cheek and said, "I love you my sweet BIG mommy". There was another time when you were about four and you looked like you were gazing into my eyes. I asked you what you were thinking and you said, "You have a zit on your nose". Yeah, a real charmer, you were.

You always seemed older than your years and I was constantly amazed at your lack of fear. I don't think you were even eight years old when you had purchased something with your allowance that was defective. You asked me to drive you right back to the store so you could return it. You didn't want or need my help, just a ride. I was in awe of you when you did that.

We've lived without a man in the house from the time you were six until you moved out. As you got older, you turned into quite a handyman and I appreciated it because we were living paycheck to paycheck. I don't know where you learned to do the things you did, but it made me feel safe having you around. When you were 15 and the gas water heater went out, I didn't have enough money to hire someone to install it. You said that you could do it, and I knew that you could. And you did. Now that I think about it, having my 15 year old son replace a gas water heater on Halloween gives a new definition to fright night.

I remember the years that I was not allowed to call you anything except your name. If I accidently called you honey, sweet boy, or anything except for your name in public I'd get the dirtiest scowl and a tongue lashing when we got to the car. Now you put up with it all and you even say "I love you" to me in front of people. You really are my sweet boy.

I am so proud of you, and I always have been. We had a few months of rocky roads in your early teens that lead you to living with your dad, but it became a great discovery for both of us at how much we loved each other. I hated not having your presence in our home. I was so happy when you wanted to come back.

After high school when you decided to leave the nest and spread your wings, it nearly broke my heart. I adored spending time with you every night after you'd come home from work. But I also realized and appreciated how important your independence is to you.

So, here I am the night before your birthday wishing just a little that you were that sweet baby again just for a little while. I miss smelling your sweet baby hair (when you finally grew some) and I miss watching you sleep. At the same time, I am so proud at what a wonderful man you've become. Everyone that knows you thinks the world of you. You are trustworthy, you have a kind heart and you are fiercely protective of those that you love. I can't possibly imagine being more proud of you than I am.

I'm so lucky that I was given the gift of you.

I love you, son.

I woke up at 11:30 a.m. this morning. I was dead asleep from the time I went to bed until 11:30- none of this wake up and decide to go back to sleep stuff.

Sleeping over 12 hours was truly delicious and I don't feel even a little bit guilty about it, because I woke up refreshed and ready to conquer the world.

It's not in my plans to conquer the world today, mind you, but if I had planned it- I'm ready for it.

Yesterday was lovely. Dinner turned out fab and the company was great. Of course, having Riley here is always a treat for me. The bearded eye-roller tells everyone that Riley could sneeze and I'd think it was the cutest thing in the world.

It was fun playing Easter Bunny to my real kids Casey, Jessica, and Riley) and my Internet kids. I have collected so many Internet kids that I think I've lost count. I've never had one live close enough to actually invite to family gatherings- so having Angela (and her tag-along, Colby.. tee hee) here is wonderful.

BTW, Angela? You're never allowed to move away. OK, one caveat, you are allowed to move back to your REAL mother's vicinity, since I know she's kind enough to share.

We ended up watching Michael Clayton (with George Clooney) and my comment once the movie was done was, "I want last two hours of my life back". Can you believe that I had two full hours of George Clooney and didn't savor every minute? Well, that just goes to show you how much I did NOT like that movie.

I experimented a bit with the asparagus and it turned out really well. I used a turkey baster to take the drippings out of the prime rib pan and poured them into a sauce pan. Added to that, 1/2 cube of butter (everything is better with butter, dontcha think?), 3 beef bullion cubes, sliced mushrooms, sliced green onion, garlic and salt. I let that cook for a couple of hours until it was reduced to a thick sauce. I laid the asparagus on to a serving dish and a poured the sauce over the top of the asparagus. It made for a lovely presentation and it was really yummy.

Anyhoo- now I have to decide whether I want to conquer the garden, or just reeeeeeelllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaxxxxxxxxxxxx today.

::kid in the back raises hand:: Hey RisibleGirl, why don't you just relax today?

Good idea, kid in the back! I think I'll do that!