Family

I generally talk to Sis at least once a day. Usually it's nothing very deep, just something funny that one or the other might have noticed and we know that we're the only ones that could possibly find it funny. Because we're like that, you know. Our 'men folk' roll their eyes at us. A lot.

We also pass along dumb email during the day that makes us laugh. Or, if we can't talk on the phone for whatever reason, we'll email back and forth. We exchange at least two email messages a day in addition to the phone calls. Yeah, we pretty much stalk each other.

Let's just say we're in constant communication.

The last time I heard from Sis was Christmas night. She regaled me with stories of how our mother once again made everyone miserable for the holidays. Good times.

Yesterday I was pretty much in a day-after-Christmas coma and didn't really notice that we hadn't talked or exchanged email. No big deal, there have been a few times in our lives that we've gone more than a day. Not often, but it's happened.

Today I rang her cellphone at the decent hour of 10:30 a.m. and sang a song to her voicemail in my best opera-cowardly-lion voice. I also asked her a question. That is a guarantee that I'll get a call back immediately, unless she's at the movie or something. Nada. No call.

I forwarded a couple of funny emails. No reply.

I called again at 2:30 p.m. and noted that just like the time I called at 10:30, her phone went immediately to voicemail. Since she doesn't have a land line, her phone is NEVER off. Not even when she's at work (which she's not, by the way. She's off work this week.)

Of course this leads me to believe that Sis is either tied up with duct tape and being held hostage, or she's laying in a ditch somewhere. I have now given myself a whopping headache from grinding my teeth together due to worrying all day.

So, what I want to know is, why is it that I do this to myself? It's probably nothing. Although unlikely that she'd go without telling me, maybe she went to see her sig other's kids with him and her cellphone doesn't have reception or something. Yeah, that's the story that I'm going to try to stick to.

Because if something did ever happen to my sister, I'd be lost. Seriously lost.

The Thursday before Christmas was a lot of fun. After work, BJ, his mom and I wandered around downtown and went Christmas shopping for ourselves. This is a tradition that BJ and his mom started before I was in the picture. A tradition that I happened to really enjoy. I got hubby two new pairs of shoes and hubby got me a pair of emerald drop earrings (they're fabulous, by the way).

BJ's mom then treated us to a night at a swanky hotel downtown, and we treated her to dinner at a swanky restaurant. The food, the wine and the conversation was great. After dinner, we decided that we'd continue spending time together back at the hotel after getting comfie in jammies and robes that were provided by the hotel.

When I came out of the bathroom, I saw hubby in his white robe and black socks. I teased him mercilessly, as I am prone to do. I tell him he looks like a little old man every time he wears black socks with anything other than pants.

Case in Point:

Then came the knock on the door. It was mom.

As soon as she walked in the door, I was on the floor laughing. They both just looked at each other like, "what?" I'm sure that Mom was wondering what her son's wife thought was so darned funny. I'm sure she wonders that a lot.

Check out the feet....

If you're looking for humor, you might want to try back tomorrow. If you're looking for reflection or tips on how NOT to parent your kids, you've stopped in the right place.

Like most people, I find my family dynamics to be very interesting. I recently shared some info with hubby that surprised him, but it also allowed him to put together some puzzle pieces. He had several "aha!" moments that night. I have lots of "aha!" moments and lots of theories about why people act the way they do in my family.

Several people in my life know that I have issues with my mother. They also know that I attribute a lot of my good qualities to her. Not because she modeled these good qualities; it's that I was so turned off by her bad behavior that I did a complete 180.

I'm starting to realize that perhaps I should have just done a 90 degree turn; at least when it comes to the way I raised my kids. Because I never felt a safety net beneath me, I became too much of one. Because I was disciplined so harshly, I became too soft in the discipline department. Because I was made to feel that everything I needed was an imposition, I gave too freely.

I was a single parent, their only parent really, for 13 years and had plenty of time to devote to running my kids lives. I became their alarm clock, their financial adviser, their bank, and pretty much anything else they 'needed'. I didn't really give them much of an opportunity to solve problems on their own. It wasn't that I forced my opinion on them, I just never pushed them off the pier to teach them to swim, so to speak. If they had a problem, they came to me and I solved it for them.

I moved out of my house and in with hubby in 2003, when my boys were 20 and 22. Until then, I saw my boys pretty much every day even after they'd recently moved out on their own. I still cooked for them, and still solved their problems.

BJ's house was over an hour away, so now the boys were even more on their own. Son #2 was the least affected by this. He's always been fairly resourceful and relied on me very little. Son #1 relied on me more heavily- too heavily. Once hubby and I started co-mingling funds, I knew that I had to stop handing money over all the time. Needless to say, the boys were not prepared with 'swimming' lessons and so they started to fail miserably. It was very hard to watch and I've lived with a lot of guilt over pulling the rug out from under them.

I learned to 'swim' at the ripe age of 17. I was on my own financially and never looked back. I even got married and had two kids by the time I was my youngest son's age (something I'd never recommend to anyone, by the way.) So I have a really hard time relating to all of this, all the while knowing that I've created the situation.

They're learning to swim now because thankfully they're both smart. They're still not quite prepared for REAL life and the oldest son still tries to use me as a safety net more than he should. I've learned to push back because I know that he'll never be on his own until I cut those ties completely. I'm looking forward to the day when I can have a phone call from him that doesn't end with, "oh yeah, I hate to ask but.."

So, where does it all end? I wonder what kind of parents my kids will be. Will it flip-flop the opposite direction again? Will their sense of entitlement cause them to be selfish with their kid, or did they like the way I parented and become similar parents. Even better, maybe they will do a 90 degree change and just be normal parents....

...is there such a thing as 'normal' parenting?

News flash! BJ flew out this morning on a business trip for a few days. Guy Town review will be delayed.

Who cares about Guy Town anyway. Girl Town was F.U.N., mainly because I got to see my little sister more drunk than I've ever seen her in my entire life. OK, that's not saying much considering we both took up drinking only in the last couple of years. Just call us late bloomers.

We spent the day shopping and walking around down town. I saw a lot of tired old men sleeping while their wives were doing Christmas shopping. The younger ones weren't sleeping. Instead, they were lined up along the walls OUTSIDE of the stores. I kept wishing the screaming babies and the strollers that were continually ramming into my shins were outside with the men.

Heads up everyone; when I rule the world, strollers will not be allowed in malls during the Christmas shopping season.

While walking around outside, we saw lots of great religious signs. One in particular caught our eye. One side read, "Stop sinning, or else!!!" Yes, there really were three exclamation points. I guess he was super serious about this. The other side of the sign listed his top five list of sins. It was kind of funny looking though because it looked more like a laundry list. We especially liked the last item on the list; "Free sex". We wondered if anyone would try to take him up on that.

I guess the list of sins made quite an impact on us because shortly after seeing this sign we spent five hours in a pub. FIVE HOURS. That's more than I've spent in any pub all year added together.

I was knocking back Key Lime Pie martini's (my new favorite fru fru drink), and she was having Cosmopolitans (my old favorite fru fru drink). When sis started having Marty Feldman eyes ( it was dark so you'll have to trust me on the crazy eye thing), I decided it was time that we stop with the drinking, and start with the eating. Because, being the older and wiser sister, I know whose job it is to ensure our health and well being.

After we paid the rent on our booth at the pub, we wandered our way back to the hotel. It was between 30 and 35 degrees out and we weren't really dressed for the weather. We were absolutely freezing for the one mile trek back to the hotel. Although cold, we did pause for a moment so we could make a prank call to hubby. I just wanted an opportunity to tell him that we were a couple of drunks standing on a street corner in a bad part of town. He just loves hearing stuff like that.

When all was said and done, we were two very miserable sister's last night. We were cold, we had tummy aches and our heads were spinning. Last time we shared that sort of misery, we were kids with the flu. That's not nearly as much fun.

Thanks sis for a GREAT day. I love you!

Like I said in a previous post, I am getting the heck out of Dodge during the testosterone laden X-box extravaganza. Instead, I'm going to go hang out with sis. The day will include shopping (something I really dislike ESPECIALLY during the holiday season), lunch, and dinner, topped off with staying the night in a swanky hotel downtown. I'm pretty sure alcohol will be involved at some point. My sis is a lush. Ha! Just kidding Sis (no really, she is..)

Yippee! A slumber party with my sis! I guarantee you, when the two of us are together for any length of time, much less over a 24 hour period, there will be plenty of stuff to write about. We're trouble makers and have no problem looking like a couple of fools just so we can have a good laugh about it. My camera phone will be in the locked and ready position.

Now, for the guys that read my post. Get your mind out of the gutter. This slumber party will not include pillow fights in babydoll nighties.

...but we might jump on the beds.