Dreams/Nightmares

And........ that's all I'm going to say about that. I don't do resolutions.

Son#1 told me that The Walking Dead was having a marathon on NYE, and I've wanted to start watching the series, so I recorded it. The Hubs was sort of interested, but unsure because he doesn't like "scary" movies.

We started episode one in the evening and then something else (truth be told, I fell asleep and he watched something else.) The next day he said that he didn't plan to watch TWD anymore because he had bad dreams.

Here's the interesting thing. I also had dreams about zombies. In my dream, I was trapped in an airplane with other passengers until the zombies left. Instead of waking up in a cold sweat, I woke up thinking, "What an awesome dream! I wish I could finish it to see what happens."

I wonder what that says about me? Ha ha.

I think I've been too busy to give in to the 'stuff' swirling around in the back of my head. I'm excellent at putting stuff away in boxes in my brain until I have time to deal with it. That's so opposite of how I handle things physically. In other words, my house is not one of a hoarder, but my brain sure is.

I know that sometimes I'll create work for myself so I don't have to deal with 'stuff', but I haven't really had to do much of that because my business has kept me so busy. That's good for the pocketbook, notsomuch for the mind. I've dealt with three deaths in less than a year and no amount of Hospice work has compelled me to do what I've learned over the years. What I should know is that putting it away in the back of my head isn't going to work for very long. Unfortunately, that's a skill that I've honed over the years- be it good or bad.

It's time I clear out the clutter in my head so I can have a peaceful night. I've had nightmares for as long as I can remember and I'm ready to ditch them. I've decided to do some free-writing, not here- because it's too personal, but some place where I can dump everything and then ceremoniously burn it.

I think a bath is in order first. That sounds FANtastic about now.

I often have dreams that I'm floating, rather than walking. In these dreams, if I want to go higher (such as if something is in my way like a house) I have to concentrate and breathe more deeply. It's not flying though, I'm floating.

When I have this dream, it's a pleasurable experience, but I try to hide it from everyone because I know it's not normal. The problem is, that as much as I try, I can't hide it and the best I can do is to do a floaty-bouncy walk, kind of like the astronauts on the moon.

I had another one of those dreams last night. I was floating away after someone told me that I was "magnificent" (ha! healthy self-esteem, anyone?)

I'd been sitting in a field of wheat reading a book, when a woman came up to me and told me she saw me from afar and asked me if I was from this planet. I told her that I was (and in the dream it seemed like a normal conversation...) and she said that she'd never seen anyone from this planet so magnificent.

Should I really be admitting this dream in public? ha ha!

I had to leave for some reason and then the floaty thing happened. I was glad that I was in a big wheat field because it made it less obvious that I was floating.

I decided to look up "floating" on some dream interpretation sites and it varies. All I know is that I feel REALLY good and light when I'm floating in these dreams, and I have these dreams a few times a month. That's good enough for me.

This interpretation is fairly universal:

To see yourself floating and enjoying this action in a dream generally bears a positive significance and relates to a general balance achieved in one's life. To calmly float in water or through air is a metaphor for acceptance, for wellbeing and peace of mind, for letting go of past problems and conflicts and the release of negative emotions and feelings buried deep down inside you, which have prevented you from achieving a general equilibrium in your life.

I had a pretty wacky dream about my mom last night. Wanna hear it? Sure you do (especially you, Mom!)

I was back in high school and Mom decided that she was going to take my brother (JP) and me to school on a motorcycle. Apparently school was very VERY far away because we went on the freeway and through the desert. Mom had JP in front of her and I was behind her just barely hanging on. To make matters worse, I kept leaning the wrong way (just like I used to do with an old boyfriend when he'd take me on his motorcycle) and we almost crashed several times. It was nerve-wracking.

My mom has never driven a motorcycle (that I know of) in real life or in my dream- - making it even MORE nerve-wracking.

Mom dropped us off at school, and lucky me! It was movie day! I was really excited to see my cousins, L and K saving a seat between them for me in the front row. Sadly, my cousin L is in stage four cancer in real life and this was woven into my dream. L and I cuddled under a blanket during the entire movie except when she'd go to the nurse's office to get a shot of pain killer.

::sigh:: now my dream doesn't seem so fun anymore, except the parts where my cousin was not in pain and was laughing at the movie with me.

Getting back to the dream...

The school bell rings and my mom was there to pick us up. Apparently she took this whole Motorcycle Mama thing seriously because while we were in school, she bought and wore a leather outfit and cut and dyed her hair. She looked just like Rizzo, from Grease and had an attitude to match. You should have seen all the boys hanging around her as she sashayed those hips around the parking lot. (can I have a burger with that shake?) She was even smoking a cigarette! Mom!



That must have shocked me so much, that it woke me from my dream. It is kind of fun thinking of my mom turning in to Rizzo, but not so fun being on the back of her motorcycle. She could use some lessons.

• I took The Hubs to the airport at 2:30 this morning. He's flying out to visit his mom for 10 days. Hot chili garlic sauce might make an appearance. Oh who am I kidding! There WILL be hot chili garlic sauce!


• Einstein had a birthday dinner fit for a prince. The Hubs is hoping that none of his friends see this video. Muah ha ha ha ha


• It looks like I'll get to create annual information security training for Big Fish. Big Fish and all their partner businesses. I gave them an outline, which was presented to the Chief Information Security Officer (CISO) yesterday. He said he REALLY liked the content. Holy smokes- this is HUGE!
  
  The funny thing is that I know I'm up against this guy. I was in a meeting with the shark and the person who manages me. He mentioned that one of the partners (another HUGE FISH), called him about this training. My manager said, "Lori is also in the running for this project, but [Other Huge Fish] wanted at least another vendor to look at.
  
  Am I concerned? Nope. I think that vendor's sharky ways is going to come back to bite him.


• While waiting for the meeting with the CISO, the CISO's Chief of Staff (yup, that's her title!) told me that she really appreciates how enthusiastic I am about my work and she said that it shows in the product I produce. I told her that it's a little hard to take in the morning for some- but she said she really likes it. She's going to be the one to make the hiring decisions for contractors (I'm pretty sure), so yeah- I feel really good about seeing some income from Big Fish in 2010.


• Speaking of Big Fish, I'd better get back to work. I'm doing something that's going to blow them away and potentially get me in good graces with the customer service training manager. I heard through the grapevine while I was in Salt Lake that they were looking for vendors to create eLearning. I assure you that I'll be working THAT angle, thank-you-very-much.


• I'm also finishing up a project due EOY for a small bank and soon to do a project for another BIG FISH company. The Non-Disclosure Agreement is signed and I'm just waiting for the contract. It's for sure a done-deal that I'll get the contract. The gal I'm working with at that company got H1N1 and ended up in the hospital with pneumonia, poor thing, so she's running a little behind.


• I've made contact with my former CISO, who is now at another big bank. I'm hoping for some work from him in the future. If he has it to give, I know he'll give it to me.


• In totally unrelated news, I had a dream last night that I was in some sort of contest to work for David Cassidy. Yup- my old teen idol. There were about 20 of us girls competing including YOU TERRI P! He took everyone out to breakfast except me, saying he didn't have enough energy to deal with me that day. I'm SO SURE!
  
  So, what did I do? I got my best ball gown on, which was VERY low cut (something I'd never wear in real life), and went to the restaurant. I was wearing a fur coat over the top and a knit cap (the one my friend Sarah made. Yeah, that's the look that sells, right?
  
  I got to the restaurant and sat down on a bar stool at the big table holding all these other women. When I took off my fur coat, I didn't notice that the low neckline had moved over to the side and my 'stuff' was hanging out. That's when The Hubs walked in. He was none-too-pleased about this.
  
  The dream ended before I found out if I won. I suspect my subconscious was being kind to me in ending the dream before I got to the part where I failed miserably.