Daily

It's not a bucket list, people, because this list is made of the things I want to do as soon as I get the A-OK from the surgeon sometime in early July.

1. Break open my Zumba DVD and DO IT


2. Take Einstein to my three favorite hiking spots, and hike. First up- Franklin Falls


3. Use the elliptical while Einstein runs on the treadmill (they're right next to each other.)


4. Break open my Jillian Michaels' DVD. Note this is low on the list because Angela has scared me.


5. Take off the 15 lbs I've gained since the injury and then finally get to my weight loss goal (another 15 lbs, for a total of 30 lbs)

Of course goal number five should be helped by the ability to do the previous four goals. What's NOT helping is watching Paula Deen right at this moment! I could gain weight just watching her cook. Isn't she fun though? I want to be her when I grow up.

I remember vividly my husband of six years (today!) telling me eight years ago that his relationships have a five year shelf life (are you keeping up?) I'm glad he was wrong, and I knew he was wrong back then but chose not to argue with him. I just told him that I was willing to take the gamble.

I'm glad I did.

I'm not sure he signed up for what has gone on over the past three years, but he's been a real trouper about it. He used to be deathly afraid of hospitals, and now they're no big deal. I remember the first experience I had with him in a hospital was when his dad had an aneurysm. He had to stay seated because he kept feeling like he was going to pass out. Now he cleans up the blood and gore after head injuries and holds my hand in the ER.

He doesn't question my 'uniqueness' (nice word for it, eh?) and celebrates my successes. I've honestly never been with someone who accepts all of me like he does and it's really nice. I've always held back portions of myself in relationships for whatever reason, but now I'm free to be me. Even my awesome song and dance routines are met with applause and standing ovations. OK- I made that part up. He just (begrudgingly) puts up with it because he has no choice. I break into song and dance for no particular reason because it entertains me (and Einstein!)

I think we've been through more rocky roads in the last three years than most couples see in their lifetime, yet those experiences didn't seem so bad because we weathered it together. In the last three years, we've lost three jobs (two at the exact same time); BJ was in the ICU for a week; I've been in the ER for multiple head traumas and I've had two surgeries (with another one in a week). That's just in three years.

Every once in a while, when we're watching TV together- both of us with our glasses on and BJ with a blanket (because he's cold and I'm hot!) I get glimpses of what we'll be like when we (hopefully) grow old. It always makes me smile because I have no doubt that we're together for the long run. I feel safe with him.

Maybe we are already old- don't burst my little rainbow and unicorns world.

I knew it was going to be good, but I didn't know it was going to be THIS good. Thank you honey for the most awesome years of my life so far and the joy in knowing that there are more awesome years (even if things around us are rocky) ahead.

I received a phone call from the Hospice volunteer coordinator at about 4:45 asking me if I could possibly go sit with a patient who is in the actively dying phase of her journey. She said that the patient was afraid to be alone and so of course I said yes. I'm not in patient care, but there was no reason for me to say no.

She was in a nursing home five minutes from my house. I expected the patient to be elderly, but she wasn't. I think she was younger than me, but I'll never know. I'll also never know why she was alone. She had a bulletin board full of pictures of her children who look to be in their early teens, and a family picture of all of them together (with I'm assuming her husband) from about three years ago.

Her nails were recently painted with little flowers, and she had a vase of tulips which looked to be about a week or two old by her bed. SOMEBODY has been visiting her, but why was she alone at such an important stage of her journey?

I'll never know the answer to these questions because she was asleep the entire 3.5 hours I was there, with the exception of one time when she sat up in bed; looked at me and then laid down again. I can't quite get that visual out of my head.

I became fixated on watching her breathe. As long as I've been volunteering for Hospice, I've never been with a patient when they died so really didn't know what to expect exactly. I knew that breathing slows way down and is shallow. Up and down went the white blanket covering her, with very few pauses. Every once in a while a petal from one of the tulips fell, which would make me immediately focus again on her breathing. I thought for sure it was some sort of 'sign', but it wasn't. I was just being WAY too vigilant.

She didn't die on my watch, and I'm not quite sure how I would have reacted if she did. I never had a chance to form a relationship with this person and didn't know anything about her but her name. No idea what her diagnosis is; how long she's been sick; nothing.

I left shortly after 8pm, because she was peacefully sleeping. I left my card with the nurse and told her to call me if she wakes and needs someone to sit with her. Based on what I know about how things normally happen, I don't think she's going to die tonight and I'm comforted by the fact that the coordinator has found someone to sit with her tomorrow, when she'll really need someone.

I'm staying dressed, just in case they call- but I suspect I've met with this mysterious woman for the last time.

If you're a Facebook friend, you'd be getting blow-by-blow commentary from yours truly about the United States Senate hearing, "Wall Street and the Financial Crisis: The Role of High Risk Home Loans". I've been breaking it into chunks in the evenings because there's no way I'd be able to focus on my projects and the hearings at the same time. If you clicked the link, you'd see that the video is 437 minutes. That's a lot of yacking.

Parts of the hearings made me really angry, but the things that made me angry have nothing to do with why WaMu was seized. I was angered at the fraud, finger pointing and greed. I thought I'd be upset with a particular executive, but I wasn't. In fact, I learned a few things that I didn't know and my opinion of him is different now. My friends know who I'm talking about. I've been carrying a big "he's an idiot" flag around for a couple of years now about the guy. I still think he made some dumb decisions- my fellow trainers will know what I'm talking about. I now think he has more integrity than I'd originally thought. Don't burst my bubble about it this week, OK? Let me live in this nice little fluffy cloud for a while.

Those that aren't in the know- I'm not talking about Killinger. I think I'll always have a soft spot in my heart for the guy. I remember being in kind of a fog after we were seized, and the thing that really hit me hard was seeing Killinger's pictures removed from the walls. That was the first time I cried about the whole thing.

Tomorrow the regulators are under fire. It's clear to many that the regulators unfairly pulled the trigger on WaMu. Because of this decision, many of my friends are STILL out of a job, and countless numbers of people lost a lot of money because they owned WaMu stock. I'm one of those people because I believed in and was loyal to my company. I was part of this company when it was so small that I probably trained every employee on the front line personally when I was a classroom trainer. I *loved* my company because I knew what wonderful people WaMu employed.

I trusted that purchasing stocks in this company was a win because there were so many other employees like me that did what we could to make WaMu successful. This cost me just over $100,000.00.

I know for a fact that many of my friends lost even more.

Are we destitute because of this loss? I'm thankful that I can say that we're not. I've read many stories of people counting on this money for their children's education or their retirement. I'm thankful that I'm not one of those people, but I do hurt for them.

So, here's a warning to my Facebook friends. You'll be getting more play-by-plays over the weekend as I digest the next round. I hope you don't mind a little cussing.

I made a new friend at the Story-Catcher event Tuesday night. She owns a funeral home.

In the past, I've toyed with the idea of working in a funeral home as a funeral director because I'm not afraid to be present with families who are grieving. I'd like to think that I'm good at it, actually. Even if my new friend wasn't hilarious and fun to be around, I'd still want to get together with her to talk about her experiences. The whole funeral home business fascinates me for some reason.

Yes, I'm fully willing to admit that I'm an odd duck.

Our volunteer coordinator expressly forbid (he was joking!) us to hang out together. He said that the world is not quite ready for the two of us combined in any sort of gathering. Of course, that makes me want to hang out with her even more.

She has one vehicle. It happens to have the name of her funeral home all over it, which of course could be alarming to Hospice patient families.

She shared a story about one of her visits with a Hospice patient. She tries to park her vehicle down the road, rather than in the driveway, but I guess that's not far enough because a family member came rushing through the front door and was stunned to see the Hospice patient alive and well yacking it up with my friend.

For some reason, I can't stop giggling about that scene. I probably shouldn't, but I do.

One might think that it's awfully convenient for a funeral director to be a Hospice patient-care volunteer, but we have rules and guidelines in place where you cannot profit in ANY way from anyone you're assigned to. She shared with me that she decided to become a volunteer because, like me, she's really good with people in crisis and felt that she wanted to share her talents in a non-profit environment. I think that's really cool.

I like it that she's irreverent like me. There's a time to be somber and reverent, but you can't be that way ALL the time. Well, I guess you can- but you sure wouldn't be any fun to hang with.

I wonder if she'd let me job shadow her sometime. I wouldn't want to do this for a living- - I love what I do, but I'd like to get this silly fascination out of my head.

Have you ever had a strange fascination with something completely wacky?