Head Bonking

Geez, I'm clever with the titles- eh?

I was leading a meeting of three (including me) earlier today. Since there were only three of us, I was sitting down while going over my stuff. All of the sudden everything started going black and I felt as if I was in a weird dream. I kept trying to make it stop (yeah, like I have any control over it), but I wasn't having any luck. I was seeing double and felt like any minute I would fall off my chair and bonk my head. I couldn't make any sense of what I was doing or saying for several minutes (it seemed that way, anyway- not sure how long I was foggy).

Fortunately, the other people in the room know me very well (one is my favorite project manager "FPM") and so although it was super embarassing, it wasn't as bad as it could have been. One of them asked if I wanted to have her call 911.

Ummmm NO! Are you kidding me? This was embarassing enough. I don't even want to think about the scene that would have caused. I felt like a complete drama queen already, I didn't need cute guys in uniform tending to my needs.

Oh wait- maybe that was a mistake.

After the meeting, I had to stop and sit every so often on my way to my desk because I could feel the walls closing in on me. I'm still sitting at my desk, wondering when it'll be safe to go to the bathroom, let alone walk to the train station.

As I was writing this, I got an email from FPM:

FPM: You OK?
Me:Yep, thanks for asking. I think I'm going to stay in my seat for a while because I still feel 'funny'. This is the sort of thing that gets my head cracked open and frankly I don't think my head could take any more dents.
FPM: Let me know if you need anything. I draw the line at adult care related things but if you want coffee or something sign me up.

Funny guy....

I hope this stuff goes away before I make the trek to the train station. I really don't want to be passed out cold on the sidewalks of downtown Seattle. I prefer passing out in the comfort of my own home, TYVM.

I'm back from my visit with the neurologist with new drugs! Woo! I'd asked her to up the Klonopin prescription because it's just not doing what it used to do. She gave me a very emphatic "NO". She said that she doesn't want me to walk around like a zombie.

My employer will thank her.

However, I need something for the jerking and jaw clenching (yes, it's Baaaacccccckkkkkk), because some nights it drives me CRAZY. It also drives me crazy when the jerking decides to make an appearance in meetings. She said she'd up my dose of Seroquel and keep me at the same levels of klonopin, and add Requip. Requip is prescribed for restless leg syndrome, but she thinks it might help me with the full body jerking and jaw clenching.

I hope so.

The nice thing is that she always gives me 2 weeks of samples when trying me on new drugs. So, I'll start it tonight.

Now, the pamphlet tells me to talk to my doctor if I experience new or increased gambling, sexual or other intense urges (what? other than peanut butter M&Ms?) while taking Requip.

If you see me writing about quitting my job because I'm going to hang out at the pony races and talk of supplementing my income by working for Heidi Fleiss, be sure to let my doctor know. I have a feeling I might not notice because of all the other drugs I'm taking.

She told me that I'm pretty much where I'm going to stay (unless I bonk my head again). I'm almost a year out from the original injury and it's been quite a journey. The only time it really bothers me is when I'm under ANY kind of stress. I go back to ground zero immediately. It's really amazing to watch myself in stressful situations. I want to ask, "hey, where did Lori go?".

She said that I'll probably be on various combinations of these drugs for the rest of my life and I'm OK with that. Why? Because they really help and I don't have a problem in doing whatever it takes to make me feel better.

I'm so behind on reading blogs and writing about my adventures visiting the parents. Work is JUST.CRAZY. But then, y'all know I like it that way.

Well, to a degree....

I have a follow-up with the neurologist on Monday. Can't come soon enough. I'm feeling a little bit of a slide in some areas. I'm hoping that it's just because I'm so tired. I know that does have an effect on things.

I'm having nightmares and acting out my dreams almost every night and I'm having problems with the dyslexic typing and random spelling of words again. On the other hand, everything else (except the missed word here and there when I talk) is pretty much OK.

I am pretty certain that my meds need to be upped. I started out with 25 mg on the Seroquel (I think) and now am up to 100. Soon, I'll be getting into the levels that qualify for crazy meds.

Not such a stretch, eh?

What stinks about this particular med is its side effect is weight gain. That completely sucks. Of course, the candy of the devil peanut butter M&M binge I've been on certainly isn't helping. I need to get back on the stick before Casey and Jessica's wedding. I'd really like to show the man who divorced me because I was fat a thing or two. OK, OK, that's not nice. (but it's kinda true)

The klonopin has been at .5 mg since the beginning and I think it needs to be at least doubled. The jerking is driving me insane. I'm afraid of that one because it is an addictive drug. I'll tell you this- I'm addicted to NOT jerking, TYVM.

Next post will be about my trip to visit the fam. Pictures too! Those petroglyphs were amazing.

I'll fully admit that I tend to brag about my work accomplishments here on my blog. Probably way too much. Maybe it's because I want my kids and grandkids to have a record somewhere that their mom/grandma was really smarter than they thought. For some reason, I turn into someone who seems coo-coo for cocoa puffs whenever kids are around.

Or, maybe it's because I still don't believe I'm as smart as other people think I am. I know I'm smart- don't get me wrong. I just don't think I'm Albert Einstein-smart, especially after bonking my head. Thankfully, the bad brain days are few and far between. KNOCK.WOOD.

Today I was in a meeting as one of the presenters to a group of about 30. I was presenting on the phone, rather than in the room, which makes it a little awkward. Someone else was presenting something and couldn't figure out why something wasn't working- so I casually mentioned what the problem was without even seeing it in person. About five people piped in things like, "How do you know this stuff, Lori?"; "Lori knows everything about everything", etc. For the rest of the meeting people kept saying things like, "Lori probably already knows this, but...."

We all got a laugh out of it. I also got three casual job offers from the meeting. Funny how knowing bits and pieces of technology makes people think you're a brainiac. I just happen to be the only technology-minded person in that group, so I come off looking smart. It's all smoke and mirrors, people. Smoke and mirrors....

If they were to ask me about math, forget it. Just ask my 5th grade math teacher- Mr. Lee. He spoke to me as though I was the dumbest person on the planet.

Look at me now, Mr. Lee! You can take your yardstick and....

(wow- where did THAT come from?)

The boys (Cameron and Casey) came over on Saturday for pizza and poker night. I haven't played poker since the head bonking, and was surprised at how hard it was for me. I haven't been drinking alcohol since January or so (the smell of ANY kind of alcohol makes me awfully nauseated), so that wasn't the problem.

My boys are just like me, in that they love to tease and poke fun. But they also know which subjects are off limits for that sort of thing. It would appear that they think that my addled brain is off limits for the teasing.

I was so proud of my sons Saturday night. They were both very gentle in explaining and re-explaining the rules to me all night long. They also both said encouraging things like, "it's OK, Mom, we don't mind" and things like that. Their voices were soft and gentle when they talked to me. It never felt, even once, that I was frustrating them.

I think I was frustrated enough for all of us.

I've seen this side of them in many situations. For example, when we talk about my youngest brother. Even though he's much older than they are, they are very kind and protective when talking about him*.

I am so proud of my sons and I'm grateful for the gentle spirits that were entrusted to my care. They are very, very different from each other in many ways- but when it comes to their hearts I think that nobody would argue that they are both very kind and gentle men especially when it comes to people with special needs.

I think I'm going to have to say no to the poker for a while. I wonder if they'd consider playing Candyland or Hi-ho Cherry-o? I had to play those games with them until I thought my brain would go to Jello and ooze right out of my ears. It only seems fair.

*One day I'll write about my youngest brother here. I haven't yet, because he's very special to me and I find it hard to put his situation into context without writing up his entire life history. His life history is not my story to tell.