Head Bonking

For the most part, I've been having lots of great brain days. Sometimes, even though I'm having a great brain day, I do and say things that are hilarious. I provide myself and my co-workers plenty of entertainment. Pretty much most of them know by now that I'm not always 'right in the head'.

For example, I was in a meeting with one of the project managers on my team. He asked me a question and I answered "yes", but was shaking my head "no". He said, "Well, which one is it, Lori? Yes or no?" I asked him what he meant by that and he explained what I'd been doing. I didn't even realize it.

Sometimes I provide quotes for the executive. News articles are always better with a quote from an important person, right? Well, typically here's how the process goes:

1. I come up with a fabulous quote


2. I send it to the person who I'm "quoting", and ask them if I can quote them on this


3. I get approval


4. Viola!

This past Thursday I wrote a news article about the most recent Trojan Horse/IRS scam* and was trying to come up with a quote from an important person. Here's part of the quote I came up with, "we appreciate your virility...."

Yup, I got a bunch of teasing over that one. Especially considering the virility comment was in a Trojan Horse article. You just can't make this stuff up.

*Public Service Announcement: Do NOT open any unsolicited email that appears to come from the IRS. The IRS never initiates communication through email and they will never ask you for personal information through email. There's a recent phishing storm linked to the IRS that could cause you to inadvertently download a NASTY Trojan Horse virus to your computer if you click on the link or download the attachment.

I've decided to try to lower the seroquel to see if I could eventually get off it. I'd love to not have to take 5 sets of meds a day. I've tried to stop the klonopin, but that's a no-go. If I don't take it in the evening, I'm jerking around all night and all through the next day. This may be a lifelong thing. I'd be OK with just taking vitamins, ya know?

Anyhoo- I've been taking 100 mg of seroquel and I tried to take it down to 75. I've gone from not remembering any dreams to CIRCUS DREAMS again. Wow- it's amazing what 25 mg does.

Last night I had a dream that one of my blog friends moved next door to me. I've never met her in person, but I've 'known' her online since pretty much the time I started blogging. She and I have a lot of very freaky commonalities. Sometimes I wonder if we were separated at birth. I'm not sure if she'd appreciate the comparison though...

She's been on my mind lately because she's in the middle of moving to a new place AND she's taken on a wonderful cause. Please donate if you can. If not- then please send your good thoughts.

By the way, she cusses in her blog. Personally, cussing doesn't bother me because I feel that swear words are what you make of them. I know that there are some that read my blog that are sensitive to that sort of thing, so thought I'd warn ya.

Anyway, since I've never met her in person- I have no idea what she looks like. In this dream, I knew that she was the person moving in next door- but she didn't know that she was moving in next to me. I decided to surprise her.

I looked and looked for a red head- and there were none to be had, UNTIL....

Up pulls a repainted Oscar Meyer Wienermobile (repainted blue, in case you're wondering) and what do I see? A redhead driving it. I knew then, that it was her. She'd have the moxie to pull off driving a repainted Oscar Meyer Wienermobile.

...an Oscar Meyer Weinermobile. WOW.

Anyway, I'll give the 75 mg a whirl for the rest of the week to see what happens. I have to admit that my wacky dreams provide me loads of entertainment. It'd be tempting to stay at this level because I love to break apart the wacky dreams- but there's a downside. I'm not getting good sleep, so I'm super tired.

In case you're from another planet and don't know what a weinermobile is, here ya go:

I really need to get out of this spiral of yucky posts, because really- I think my life is really going GREAT. I just have had some physical bumps.

I'm STILL having fabulous brain days. How long has that been now, three weeks or more? This excites me more than you could possibly imagine. I'm even starting to feel like I have my game back at work. I'm back to being assertive and pushing for what I want and need. I'm able to see my ideas through without stammering. I'm able to look intimidating people in the eye and show them that I mean business.

I am SO very happy. I really am.

In spite of the two brain bops, I've gone beyond people's expectations at work. That excites me and makes me even more eager to continue being that "A+" employee that I've been in the past.

My company has awards that employees can send to other employees. In a matter of one week, I received three- one of which was from a senior level executive. I have to share because this is proof that I really am back. I truly believed I'd never be at this place again. Yes that's me- Pollyanna, admitting that I was seeing a glass half empty. I thought I was going to be stuck in sub-par and I was truly in despair.

Geez, I'm tearing up as I write this. I've needed to hear these things since June, when I first hit my head. I never thought I'd hear anything like this again.

Subject: Thank you Lori for being a true hero!
Lori,

I am so thankful to have you as such a strong, flexible, and friendly partner! I know the ERT review was dropped as an unexpected bomb on you this AM but you responded with speed, expertise, & grace.

This is all new to us (the review process is less than 12 hours old!) and we're learning through it. I know it's tough & not fun, but you persevere with a "can do" attitude and a smile in your voice (since I can't actually see you!). I'll continue to help as much as I can, but you're really the one making it happen!

THANK YOU for being patient and being a terrific partner doing what's right for your course and for the entire enterprise.

Lori, you're the best.

Subject: You ROCK!
Thank you Lori for your help and patience in helping create an enterprise approach and standard for required training courses. With multiple stakeholders and many people trying to tell you how to do things, you remain dynamic and driven and see it through.

I appreciate your expertise and contributions.

Subject: Lovefest 2008! Congrats on a milestone!

We're not out of the woods yet, but this is an excellent opportunity to celebrate a HUGE milestone and recognize Lori's contributions not only to the Info Security course but to all Enterprise Required Training (ERT). Being in first place is never easy, and Lori held tight during this wild ride of launching ERT for 08. Every time we asked her to pause, stop, answer, or redirect, Lori responded with professionalism, grace, and a SMILE! Resiliency defined!

I can't express how fortunate we are to have Lori as one of our front runners. Through her expertise and partnership, Info Security will be a great success. And all [company name] will benefit from the path she's blazed. THANK YOU!

Thank you. Thank you each and every one of you for holding me up while I was so low. I know without a doubt that your prayers, thoughts, and unending love are what brought me back.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I will *never* take my brain for granted ever again. And as vain as this may sound- I now realize how blessed I've been all of these years with the abilities I've been given. Without these abilities, I would never be where I'm at.

...where I'm at is a mighty fine place.

I mean it when I say that I truly love the friends I've made in my little cyberworld. I wish I could hug each and every one of you in person.

Thank you for helping me return to being me.

As of today, I'm now back down to my lowest weight- something I haven't seen since December 06. Unfortunately it's not something I had a lot of control over. I've not been able to keep anything down since Tuesday. I'm taking phenergan around the clock, but it's not doing a whole lot of good.

At first, I thought it was the flu, but now I think it's something else because even though I've lost a truckload of weight- I look like I'm pregnant and my abdomen is very tender. Plus? I've been sleeping about 13-14 hours a day.

Anyone want to guess? Come on... we've seen this before....

I'm calling my gastro as soon as the office is open to see if I can get in.

It would be no surprise that my liver is acting up, since I'm on so many meds, and almost all of them have doubled since the second head injury. I've never looked to see if any of them affect the liver, because I assumed my doctor took that into consideration. My bad.

Well, at least there's a plus side, eh? My pants are baggy again, in spite of the fact that two of those meds cause weight gain. And even better, I'm so darned happy that I have my brain back- that this little bit of yuck isn't getting me down like it would have before bonking my head. I've gained perspective.

The bad news is that once I get whatever this is 'fixed', I'll probably gain the weight again. Meh. I consider this a 'false' weight loss. It's not real.

I'm not sure I've mentioned it, but my deadline for the annual training I'm creating is next Tuesday. This REQUIRED training will roll out to 50,000 some people, so it's a pretty big deal.

I've known about this and have been piddling around with it since September. I've continually put it on the back burner for other projects that "have to be done yesterday". Two weeks ago, I drew the line in the sand and said that people had to leave me alone so I can get this training out.

It's been SO nice to not have to do other people's jobs. I'd forgotten what it was like to just do my own thing and not worry about someone else's deadlines.

People have tried now and again to pull me into something, but I've held firm. Probably because my arse would be grass if I didn't get this rolled out in time.

I have another big deliverable and think I might do the same thing. Maybe I'll give everyone a week to use me and abuse me, and then draw another line in the sand.

Oh, the power I have! ....in my dreams.

I'm thinking about talking to my manager about the parts of my job that I'm uncomfortable with and didn't sign up for. I'm not a marketing guru and I certainly don't know enough about this particular line of business to write award winning articles. That wasn't part of the job that I applied for and every time I think about it, I become panicked.

On the other hand, now that I feel back to 100% brain power, maybe I can take on this new stuff. I've always said that the things that scare me the most are the things I'm most proud of in the end.

On the other hand (oh- that makes three hands, doesn't it? )

On the other foot... what if I revert back to 'dumb' Lori? That fear is always going to be in the back of my head. Especially since I made the mistake of going through some old posts. I'd forgotten how often in the past I was SURE this time I was 'healed' for good. There's no way I could handle that new stuff if I didn't have a full tank.

Mantra for the day lifetime:
Live in the present.

Speaking of which... remember those life rules I refer to every now and then? I've mentioned a time or two that I keep them right in front of my face at my desk. This one popped out at me the other day and I just had to go hmmmmmnnnnn....

Rule Eight - What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. Take responsibility for yourself. Learn to let go when you cannot change things. Don't get angry about things - bitter memories clutter your mind. Courage resides in all of us - use it when you need to do what's right for you. We all possess a strong natural power and adventurous spirit, which you should draw on to embrace what lies ahead.

It's amazing to me how various rules in this list really pop out to me at certain times. Cherie Carter-Scott is so wise. I may have to write to her one day and tell her how much these rules have meant to me since I've found them.