Memory Lane

By Great Aunt, I mean she was my dad's Aunt. Her name is SO unusual that I'm not going to use her real name here because it would make it WAY to easy for someone to track my family (not that y'all are a bunch of stalkers, but you know I probably should be kind of careful!) I'll just call her Auntie (something I never called her, BTW).

Auntie was big on the power of positive thinking. In fact, I still have a book she gave me when I was a young teen, "The Power of Positive Thinking for Young People" by Dr. Norman Vincent Peale. She was also a HUGE Kahlil Gibran fan. Personally, I think she was way ahead of her time with the now ever so popular "The Secret".

Auntie died many years ago, on my dad and brother's birthday (they share a birthday). I think that was a true testament to how much she loved my dad. I've learned through Hospice that people have a lot more control over when they die than most people would like to believe. Auntie died in her sleep, most unexpectedly, but still I think there's a lot of meaning on the day she 'chose' to die. I was also the last person she had coffee with. Here's an excerpt from one of my blog entries where I wrote more about her:

My aunt had a collection of tea cups. She told me that when she got up in the morning, she'd decide who she was going to have coffee with and pull their tea cup from the shelf. She'd then drink her coffee from that cup and think about that person. She drank coffee with me the last day of her life.

When my dad's sister went to her condo after my aunt died, she found my teacup in the sink unwashed. She sent me the unwashed tea cup along with all of the letters I'd ever written my aunt, bundled in a large rubber band. What a gift that was.

Auntie was very special to me and had a great influence on me. She was like a grandmother to me, and I had the wonderful opportunity to spend a month with her on her ranch back when I was 12. It was a bad time for her, as she had just lost her beloved husband only a couple of weeks before I arrived, yet I recall very few times that she wasn't her usual positive self.

I've felt Auntie around me lately. She didn't believe in the afterlife, and I suppose she was in for a big surprise (I chuckle at the thought that she's probably watching me type this, actually). I even wore a ring she gave me yesterday to Thanksgiving, that was hers, made from her husband's dental gold after he died. I'm sure some would think that's gross, but it's special to me because I know how special it was to her. I've never worn that ring before. But I saw it in my jewelry case and just kind of wanted to bring her along to Thanksgiving. It just felt right.

Today, one of my bestest pals sent me a quote. It wasn't just to me, it was to several people, so I know she wasn't sending it to me as a "hang in there Lori". It gave me chills to read it, because of the timing of it all:

Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.
-Kahlil Gibran

When I read that, I understood even more about what an influence Auntie was on me. And I know beyond a doubt that she still is.

New co-worker in the funny mix. He's always been funny, but again we have more time to email back and forth these days. We'll name him Hunter. One of the things I *LOVE* about Hunter is that his laugh is just like my brother Joel's, and hearing that laugh makes me really happy. Thankfully Hunter laughs a lot.

Hunter sent me and FCW a picture of his bunker and here's how THAT email thread went:

Hunter: Told you I have a bunker. Weapons, ammo, and food. I'm not psycho, it's for hunting.

Me: Ummmm, if I say that I'm not a weirdo does that mean that I'm not?

FCW: I think if you have to tell someone you aren't you might be.

Hunter: Lol, think what you want. I just recommend telling people that you don't like very much to try breaking into my house.

FCW and Hunter proceed to banter about the types of guns Hunter has (boooooorrrrrrrriiiiinnnnnnnngggggggggg!)

Me: Yeah well, I have guns too. I'll take a picture tomorrow.

FCW: Laser Tag guns don't count.

Hunter: Neither do glue guns.

I'm SO sure! OK, they aren't *MY* guns, they're BJ's. I'd never even want to touch the things. I don't think BJ wants me to touch them either. Have I ever mentioned that someone he dated seriously ended up in prison for killing her boyfriend's wife? Of course, that was well after she and BJ stopped dating. Still, he's a little nervous about the women in his life handling guns.

Good call, BJ.

• I had lunch with my sis today! Woo! I've seen her more in the past 6 weeks than I have the entire year. That's pretty sad, considering she's my best friend. BJ and I just don't have enough of us to go around.



• We're having our (non family) favorite couple over this weekend to watch a college rivalry game- Huskys vs Sooners. Be prepared for pictures of me all decked out with OU gear. I even got face tattoos and dog tags. Oh yeah, it's going to be a klassy (with a k!) event.



• It occurred to me out of the blue today that it's been quite a while since I've felt stupid. I honestly believe with all my heart that the stupid era is behind me. I couldn't be more thrilled. I can deal with the physical stuff from the head bonking incident, as long as I have my precious brain. I'm now walking around work like I own the place. Maybe that's not such a good thing.



• It's in the news that there will be another round of layoffs toward the end of this month at my company (please let it be the last- I'm tired of losing all my pals). I'm going to take it as a good sign that Top Dog approved a $1500.00 software package for me. OK, I knew I was safe- but still it's nice to have a bit of reassurance.



• I worked in the garden last weekend and it was fab. It's been a while since I've been able to play in the dirt due to either weather, hospitals or visitors. I was going like a mad woman and got quite a bit accomplished. I stopped once I filled the 32 gallon bin. I also stopped short of the point where I couldn't raise my arms without crying. I get a little crazy when I'm working in the garden and sometimes pay for it. I took an extra klonopin that evening and the jerks weren't too bad. I think that's going to be my tactic when doing heavy physical labor.



• Have I mentioned lately how much I love my job? No? Well I do. Looks like I'm getting a new co-worker. The cool thing is that I met him on the train a couple of months ago. He heard me talking about Information Security and came over and introduced himself. I *REALLY* liked the guy and told him that he should apply for a job in my department. He sent me his resume; I pimped him out; and now he's my co-worker (or will be in a couple of weeks). I think I make a really great match-maker. His background is super interesting, as are most in my department. We have ex-secret service guys, ex-military (intel), and me- beauty school dropout. heh.



• FCW (favorite co-worker) told me that he's never met anyone with such a crazy life story as me. He doesn't even know the half of it. He knows I once made a living singing on the weekends, was in the Little Miss America pageant, was a beauty school dropout, taught courses in a community college (even though I never went to college myself.) I think I'll let him ruminate on all of that before he gets to hear the rest of the story that is my life.
  
  He's right though. When I think about all of the experiences I've lived, it is a little much. If I didn't live it myself, I'm not sure *I'd* believe it. Beyond all of that, I have so many stories to tell about stuff I did that could have gotten me in BIG trouble like the time when I was 17, me and my roommate donned my white beauty school uniforms and trolled the local hospital. We thought we might be able to pick up on some doctors. .... I'm NOT kidding. There are MANY more hair raising (for my parents) stories where that came from. Maybe I should start adding them to my blog. Y'all will then truly know how brainless adventurous I am.

Tomorrow is your birthday as well as Dad's birthday. Too bad you held out for the 7th, because it would have been awfully cool to say you were born on 6-6-66. A day late, and a dollar short, eh?

Even worse, having to share a birthday with your dad? Wow. Well, I guess we can call you the gift that keeps on giving, right?

JP, I don't talk about you much on my blog, but it's not due to a lack of love. Like my other siblings, you are very special to me and I celebrate the day you came into this world.

I don't remember much about when you were born, because I was only six. I think my memories with you start about the time you were three or four. One memory I'd like to erase is the one where I broke your little leg playing *cannon ball shooter with you. You used to love it, but I don't remember you asking me to do it anymore after that.

*For the uninformed, cannon ball shooter was me laying on my back, propping my brother on my feet and shooting him into the air. Kids, don't try this at home.

It's so easy to make you laugh, and that's fun for me. I love to tease you just so I can hear you laugh and say, "oh Lori...". One of the things I treasure about you is your laugh. There's a guy in my department at work that has a laugh just like yours and it makes me smile and think about you every time he laughs. Lucky for me, he laughs a lot.

You've been through an awful lot in your life, yet you don't complain. I could learn a lot from you, little brother. The very tip-top place in heaven? You'll be there, and there is no doubt in my mind about that, nor anyone else's mind who knows you.

I love the rare times when you and I get to talk alone. I love it when you share things with me in confidence and I'm honored that you trust me with those things. I love it that you're willing to try new things. Remember when we had the "eat weird things" day? I do. I still have the picture of me with a mini octopus hanging out of my mouth. I'm glad someone else appreciates the weird things in this world. Too bad you live so far away, we could do that on a regular basis because there are lots of weird things to eat. Did I ever tell you that I ate donkey in Italy? I thought about you when I ate it because I knew it would make you laugh.

I have a memory that I think about from time to time. It was right after your brain surgery, which caused you to have complete amnesia. I remember the first time I saw you after the surgery and the way you looked at me. It was if you were looking through me. I was used to seeing a sparkle in your eye when I'd walk in the room and that sparkle was missing that day because you didn't know who I was. I can't even begin to describe what that felt like. It felt really empty. I can't even imagine what that was like for you.

I can't believe that my 'little' brother is 42 years old. That's just craziness.

Happy birthday Joel. I love you.

I'll fully admit that I tend to brag about my work accomplishments here on my blog. Probably way too much. Maybe it's because I want my kids and grandkids to have a record somewhere that their mom/grandma was really smarter than they thought. For some reason, I turn into someone who seems coo-coo for cocoa puffs whenever kids are around.

Or, maybe it's because I still don't believe I'm as smart as other people think I am. I know I'm smart- don't get me wrong. I just don't think I'm Albert Einstein-smart, especially after bonking my head. Thankfully, the bad brain days are few and far between. KNOCK.WOOD.

Today I was in a meeting as one of the presenters to a group of about 30. I was presenting on the phone, rather than in the room, which makes it a little awkward. Someone else was presenting something and couldn't figure out why something wasn't working- so I casually mentioned what the problem was without even seeing it in person. About five people piped in things like, "How do you know this stuff, Lori?"; "Lori knows everything about everything", etc. For the rest of the meeting people kept saying things like, "Lori probably already knows this, but...."

We all got a laugh out of it. I also got three casual job offers from the meeting. Funny how knowing bits and pieces of technology makes people think you're a brainiac. I just happen to be the only technology-minded person in that group, so I come off looking smart. It's all smoke and mirrors, people. Smoke and mirrors....

If they were to ask me about math, forget it. Just ask my 5th grade math teacher- Mr. Lee. He spoke to me as though I was the dumbest person on the planet.

Look at me now, Mr. Lee! You can take your yardstick and....

(wow- where did THAT come from?)