Memory Lane

I remember vividly my husband of six years (today!) telling me eight years ago that his relationships have a five year shelf life (are you keeping up?) I'm glad he was wrong, and I knew he was wrong back then but chose not to argue with him. I just told him that I was willing to take the gamble.

I'm glad I did.

I'm not sure he signed up for what has gone on over the past three years, but he's been a real trouper about it. He used to be deathly afraid of hospitals, and now they're no big deal. I remember the first experience I had with him in a hospital was when his dad had an aneurysm. He had to stay seated because he kept feeling like he was going to pass out. Now he cleans up the blood and gore after head injuries and holds my hand in the ER.

He doesn't question my 'uniqueness' (nice word for it, eh?) and celebrates my successes. I've honestly never been with someone who accepts all of me like he does and it's really nice. I've always held back portions of myself in relationships for whatever reason, but now I'm free to be me. Even my awesome song and dance routines are met with applause and standing ovations. OK- I made that part up. He just (begrudgingly) puts up with it because he has no choice. I break into song and dance for no particular reason because it entertains me (and Einstein!)

I think we've been through more rocky roads in the last three years than most couples see in their lifetime, yet those experiences didn't seem so bad because we weathered it together. In the last three years, we've lost three jobs (two at the exact same time); BJ was in the ICU for a week; I've been in the ER for multiple head traumas and I've had two surgeries (with another one in a week). That's just in three years.

Every once in a while, when we're watching TV together- both of us with our glasses on and BJ with a blanket (because he's cold and I'm hot!) I get glimpses of what we'll be like when we (hopefully) grow old. It always makes me smile because I have no doubt that we're together for the long run. I feel safe with him.

Maybe we are already old- don't burst my little rainbow and unicorns world.

I knew it was going to be good, but I didn't know it was going to be THIS good. Thank you honey for the most awesome years of my life so far and the joy in knowing that there are more awesome years (even if things around us are rocky) ahead.

• I subscribe to a site called dealloco.com on my feedreader. Amazing deals to be had, and I do most of my Christmas shopping through this site.
  
  Anyway, one of the deals today was a fire escape ladder that hooks to a window. It reminded me of when I was a kid and was FREAKED OUT about "what if there's a fire?" I've always been rather literal, even as a kid. I'd hear stories in Sunday School about the Holy Ghost prompting you when something bad might happen (at least, that's how I interpreted it...) so, if I ever worried about something, I was POSITIVE that it was the Holy Ghost prompting me about [insert worry of the day here]. Worry wart. Some things never change.
  
  One of those worries was a fire. I don't remember how old I was, but it was in the house before our house in Yorba Linda (thebirthplaceofRichardMNixon) <- Factoid: I can never say the words "Yorba Linda" without following it up with "The birthplace of Richard M. Nixon".
  
  I remember my dad sitting at the edge of my bed several nights talking to me about this and then installing one of those fire ladders outside my window. Thanks, Dad, for making me feel safe.


• I've come to the conclusion, "once a mother, always a mother". You worry about your kids when they're little and you worry about your kids when they're grown. It seems to me that the problems when the kids become adults are just as worrisome- only they typically have a bigger impact. I think I'd rather have the little kid worries to worry about.


• Einstein has had a little bug the last couple of days. I started to obsess about it, so finally we took him to the vet. The conclusion was stomach flu of some sort (I'll leave this to your imagination)and allergies (swollen eyeball). I'm so used to his daily activities and schedule that little warning bells go off when he's not himself. He had a nausea shot at the vet, and he was so still last night that I kept looking over at him to make sure he was still breathing, because usually he's a bit of a monkey at night. Reminds me of when the boys were babies and they slept too long.


• We hired our landscapers to remove Old Man Winter from the gardens. We were out yesterday and came home to find six people working in the garden beds. I was giddy with excitement at seeing all this dead stuff (plants, not bodies) being hauled away out of the yard. It took them one day to accomplish what would take me WEEKS to do. I am so excited that all I have to do from now on is plant cool new plants and leave the rest to the gardeners. Squee!


• I've been immersing myself in the series, "Six Feet Under" for the past few weekends. I've seen it before and loved it. BJ hates it (of course) and says that it sounds like a big Soap Opera. He said, "Soon you'll be telling me that you're watching 'your stories'". It's kind of amazing to me how well we get along and enjoy each other's company, but our taste in movies and TV shows are so far apart, with the exception of a few. I refuse to question the reason.


• I'm going to see the cardiologist tomorrow to see about getting a monitor surgically implanted. I'm 100% for the idea because I want this fainting stuff figured out. Too many broken bones and injuries and it has to stop. I'm seeing the foot surgeon on Tuesday because my foot isn't healing AT.ALL. I'm starting to feel depression seeping in because I can't go out and do anything without my foot hurting- sometimes even more than my face. I've gained 15 lbs due to my foot (well, and coconut M&Ms), because the foot surgeon told me to get off of it as soon as it starts to hurt. That's usually about 10 minutes. Bleh. Yup, I'm feeling depressed. I guess that's not so hard to understand, given the hand I've been dealt the past couple of years, right? Thankfully, I can still see the good. Most of the time, anyway.

By Great Aunt, I mean she was my dad's Aunt. Her name is SO unusual that I'm not going to use her real name here because it would make it WAY to easy for someone to track my family (not that y'all are a bunch of stalkers, but you know I probably should be kind of careful!) I'll just call her Auntie (something I never called her, BTW).

Auntie was big on the power of positive thinking. In fact, I still have a book she gave me when I was a young teen, "The Power of Positive Thinking for Young People" by Dr. Norman Vincent Peale. She was also a HUGE Kahlil Gibran fan. Personally, I think she was way ahead of her time with the now ever so popular "The Secret".

Auntie died many years ago, on my dad and brother's birthday (they share a birthday). I think that was a true testament to how much she loved my dad. I've learned through Hospice that people have a lot more control over when they die than most people would like to believe. Auntie died in her sleep, most unexpectedly, but still I think there's a lot of meaning on the day she 'chose' to die. I was also the last person she had coffee with. Here's an excerpt from one of my blog entries where I wrote more about her:

My aunt had a collection of tea cups. She told me that when she got up in the morning, she'd decide who she was going to have coffee with and pull their tea cup from the shelf. She'd then drink her coffee from that cup and think about that person. She drank coffee with me the last day of her life.

When my dad's sister went to her condo after my aunt died, she found my teacup in the sink unwashed. She sent me the unwashed tea cup along with all of the letters I'd ever written my aunt, bundled in a large rubber band. What a gift that was.

Auntie was very special to me and had a great influence on me. She was like a grandmother to me, and I had the wonderful opportunity to spend a month with her on her ranch back when I was 12. It was a bad time for her, as she had just lost her beloved husband only a couple of weeks before I arrived, yet I recall very few times that she wasn't her usual positive self.

I've felt Auntie around me lately. She didn't believe in the afterlife, and I suppose she was in for a big surprise (I chuckle at the thought that she's probably watching me type this, actually). I even wore a ring she gave me yesterday to Thanksgiving, that was hers, made from her husband's dental gold after he died. I'm sure some would think that's gross, but it's special to me because I know how special it was to her. I've never worn that ring before. But I saw it in my jewelry case and just kind of wanted to bring her along to Thanksgiving. It just felt right.

Today, one of my bestest pals sent me a quote. It wasn't just to me, it was to several people, so I know she wasn't sending it to me as a "hang in there Lori". It gave me chills to read it, because of the timing of it all:

Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.
-Kahlil Gibran

When I read that, I understood even more about what an influence Auntie was on me. And I know beyond a doubt that she still is.

New co-worker in the funny mix. He's always been funny, but again we have more time to email back and forth these days. We'll name him Hunter. One of the things I *LOVE* about Hunter is that his laugh is just like my brother Joel's, and hearing that laugh makes me really happy. Thankfully Hunter laughs a lot.

Hunter sent me and FCW a picture of his bunker and here's how THAT email thread went:

Hunter: Told you I have a bunker. Weapons, ammo, and food. I'm not psycho, it's for hunting.

Me: Ummmm, if I say that I'm not a weirdo does that mean that I'm not?

FCW: I think if you have to tell someone you aren't you might be.

Hunter: Lol, think what you want. I just recommend telling people that you don't like very much to try breaking into my house.

FCW and Hunter proceed to banter about the types of guns Hunter has (boooooorrrrrrrriiiiinnnnnnnngggggggggg!)

Me: Yeah well, I have guns too. I'll take a picture tomorrow.

FCW: Laser Tag guns don't count.

Hunter: Neither do glue guns.

I'm SO sure! OK, they aren't *MY* guns, they're BJ's. I'd never even want to touch the things. I don't think BJ wants me to touch them either. Have I ever mentioned that someone he dated seriously ended up in prison for killing her boyfriend's wife? Of course, that was well after she and BJ stopped dating. Still, he's a little nervous about the women in his life handling guns.

Good call, BJ.

• I had lunch with my sis today! Woo! I've seen her more in the past 6 weeks than I have the entire year. That's pretty sad, considering she's my best friend. BJ and I just don't have enough of us to go around.



• We're having our (non family) favorite couple over this weekend to watch a college rivalry game- Huskys vs Sooners. Be prepared for pictures of me all decked out with OU gear. I even got face tattoos and dog tags. Oh yeah, it's going to be a klassy (with a k!) event.



• It occurred to me out of the blue today that it's been quite a while since I've felt stupid. I honestly believe with all my heart that the stupid era is behind me. I couldn't be more thrilled. I can deal with the physical stuff from the head bonking incident, as long as I have my precious brain. I'm now walking around work like I own the place. Maybe that's not such a good thing.



• It's in the news that there will be another round of layoffs toward the end of this month at my company (please let it be the last- I'm tired of losing all my pals). I'm going to take it as a good sign that Top Dog approved a $1500.00 software package for me. OK, I knew I was safe- but still it's nice to have a bit of reassurance.



• I worked in the garden last weekend and it was fab. It's been a while since I've been able to play in the dirt due to either weather, hospitals or visitors. I was going like a mad woman and got quite a bit accomplished. I stopped once I filled the 32 gallon bin. I also stopped short of the point where I couldn't raise my arms without crying. I get a little crazy when I'm working in the garden and sometimes pay for it. I took an extra klonopin that evening and the jerks weren't too bad. I think that's going to be my tactic when doing heavy physical labor.



• Have I mentioned lately how much I love my job? No? Well I do. Looks like I'm getting a new co-worker. The cool thing is that I met him on the train a couple of months ago. He heard me talking about Information Security and came over and introduced himself. I *REALLY* liked the guy and told him that he should apply for a job in my department. He sent me his resume; I pimped him out; and now he's my co-worker (or will be in a couple of weeks). I think I make a really great match-maker. His background is super interesting, as are most in my department. We have ex-secret service guys, ex-military (intel), and me- beauty school dropout. heh.



• FCW (favorite co-worker) told me that he's never met anyone with such a crazy life story as me. He doesn't even know the half of it. He knows I once made a living singing on the weekends, was in the Little Miss America pageant, was a beauty school dropout, taught courses in a community college (even though I never went to college myself.) I think I'll let him ruminate on all of that before he gets to hear the rest of the story that is my life.
  
  He's right though. When I think about all of the experiences I've lived, it is a little much. If I didn't live it myself, I'm not sure *I'd* believe it. Beyond all of that, I have so many stories to tell about stuff I did that could have gotten me in BIG trouble like the time when I was 17, me and my roommate donned my white beauty school uniforms and trolled the local hospital. We thought we might be able to pick up on some doctors. .... I'm NOT kidding. There are MANY more hair raising (for my parents) stories where that came from. Maybe I should start adding them to my blog. Y'all will then truly know how brainless adventurous I am.