Work Related

• I took BJ to the airport at 2:30 this morning. He's flying out to visit his mom for 10 days. Hot chili garlic sauce might make an appearance. Oh who am I kidding! There WILL be hot chili garlic sauce!


• Einstein had a birthday dinner fit for a prince. BJ is hoping that none of his friends see this video. Muah ha ha ha ha


• It looks like I'll get to create annual information security training for Big Fish. Big Fish and all their partner businesses. I gave them an outline, which was presented to the Chief Information Security Officer (CISO) yesterday. He said he REALLY liked the content. Holy smokes- this is HUGE!
  
  The funny thing is that I know I'm up against this guy. I was in a meeting with the shark and the person who manages me. He mentioned that one of the partners (another HUGE FISH), called him about this training. My manager said, "Lori is also in the running for this project, but [Other Huge Fish] wanted at least another vendor to look at.
  
  Am I concerned? Nope. I think that vendor's sharky ways is going to come back to bite him.


• While waiting for the meeting with the CISO, the CISO's Chief of Staff (yup, that's her title!) told me that she really appreciates how enthusiastic I am about my work and she said that it shows in the product I produce. I told her that it's a little hard to take in the morning for some- but she said she really likes it. She's going to be the one to make the hiring decisions for contractors (I'm pretty sure), so yeah- I feel really good about seeing some income from Big Fish in 2010.


• Speaking of Big Fish, I'd better get back to work. I'm doing something that's going to blow them away and potentially get me in good graces with the customer service training manager. I heard through the grapevine while I was in Salt Lake that they were looking for vendors to create eLearning. I assure you that I'll be working THAT angle, thank-you-very-much.


• I'm also finishing up a project due EOY for a small bank and soon to do a project for another BIG FISH company. The Non-Disclosure Agreement is signed and I'm just waiting for the contract. It's for sure a done-deal that I'll get the contract. The gal I'm working with at that company got H1N1 and ended up in the hospital with pneumonia, poor thing, so she's running a little behind.


• I've made contact with my former CISO, who is now at another big bank. I'm hoping for some work from him in the future. If he has it to give, I know he'll give it to me.


• In totally unrelated news, I had a dream last night that I was in some sort of contest to work for David Cassidy. Yup- my old teen idol. There were about 20 of us girls competing including YOU TERRI P! He took everyone out to breakfast except me, saying he didn't have enough energy to deal with me that day. I'm SO SURE!
  
  So, what did I do? I got my best ball gown on, which was VERY low cut (something I'd never wear in real life), and went to the restaurant. I was wearing a fur coat over the top and a knit cap (the one my friend Sarah made. Yeah, that's the look that sells, right?
  
  I got to the restaurant and sat down on a bar stool at the big table holding all these other women. When I took off my fur coat, I didn't notice that the low neckline had moved over to the side and my 'stuff' was hanging out. That's when BJ walked in. He was none-too-pleased about this.
  
  The dream ended before I found out if I won. I suspect my subconscious was being kind to me in ending the dream before I got to the part where I failed miserably.

This not writing in my blog much thing is getting out of control! Especially when I don't post on Thanksgiving!

I didn't even call anyone on Thanksgiving. I hope I get a hall pass though, because BJ was sick and we laid very low this year.

It's not too late to write about the things I'm thankful for. In fact, I'm trying to do that every day on my GratitudeLog.

What a year this has been, eh? A wild ride, for sure.

The year started out pretty bleak. I knew I was getting laid off, I'd just broken several bones in my face just a couple of days prior and BJ lost his job. All in that order.

But that layoff turned into a wonderful new career, working for myself and BJ working for himself too. Sure, I've had a few moments of "what if this doesn't last?", but those moments are fleeting because of the nice nest egg we have in our savings thanks to the severance pay. I don't seem to have a problem getting new projects and clients, and I've not once marketed myself. It's all come from my reputation with people I'd worked with or for in the past as they've moved to new companies.

So, all those times that I whined about how hard I was working? I guess it was worth it.

BJ's business took off too. I mean really, what are the odds?

And my face? Well, the bones didn't heal properly, but you'd never know it by looking at me. Just how does that happen? I don't know- but I'm glad it did. When I watch shows like CSI, I think about what a medical examiner would think if they looked at my bones. Ha! It kind of makes me laugh a little.

This was also the year that Einstein came into our lives. What a little bundle of joy he is. BJ told me from the time we met that he NEVER wanted any pets whatsoever. But bless his heart, he saw how the year started out and decided that getting a dog would make me so happy- so he finally said yes. I never really pestered him, I just joked with him about it mainly. Even the day he said, "OK", it was a joke.

He told me he had to go out of town for a business trip (that, of course never happened since he lost his job too!), and I replied with a picture of a puggle and the words, "then I want one of these". I made sure he wasn't joking, because I couldn't believe he'd actually said "OK" to a puppy.

And now? Well, you couldn't pry Einstein away from BJ. He just loves that little guy and tells me all the time how much Einstein means to him. He even said that it's a good thing that we'll never get divorced because I'd have a fight on my hands in regard to custody of Einstein. Who knew? BJ is just as surprised as I am about what a great little companion Einstein is for him.

I knew back at the first of this year that things would turn around. As I've probably said a million times, things ALWAYS turn around. I just needed to watch carefully for the open doors. Open doors don't scare me. I suppose that comes from living for almost 50 years. I can clearly see things for what they are- - learning experiences. Some good, some bad. But there really is no such thing as a bad learning experience as long as you've learned something from it, right?

BJ came into my life at the exact right time. Those learning experiences have come fast and furious the past few years and I don't think I would have had the fortitude to face them without him by my side. I'm so glad that I overcame my fear of relationships and grabbed onto his hand. I can't think of anyone more perfect for me than BJ.

My sons are happy and have started living their own lives. I used to be afraid of that idea, because I made them such an important part of who I was. If anyone asked me to define myself, for many years I would have said "mother", and would have had a hard time thinking of anything else. Now I have many things that define me, but "mother" will always be at the top because of the beautiful souls that were given to me to raise. I'm thankful that they are happy in their new lives. I'm especially happy for the women they have chosen.

I became an aunt for the first time this year. It's so fun to see my baby sister as a mother. I love to see the capacity of love she has for that little baby. I love to see some of her features on his cute little face. Mostly, I love seeing my sister so happy.

I'm thankful for my family and especially thankful that my family doesn't bicker and quarrel. Life is so short and family is precious. Ranger Mike and I used to be 'mortal enemies', but you couldn't find two people closer than we are if you tried.

I'm also very thankful for all of YOU. If I didn't have this place to write down my feelings, my thoughts would just fester in my brain because I really do hate whining in real life. I'm not called Pollyanna for nothing! I felt stronger because you assured me that I was strong. That's been so important for me to 'hear'. I'm so glad that I'm now friends on Facebook with many of you because it allows me to take a peek into your lives and give back some of that support. Wow, I've made such good friends here. The amazing thing is that people who read my blog know me MUCH better than friends in real life (many of which do not even know that I have a blog.) I think that's because in real life, I try to focus on helping vs. receiving.

I may ignore my blog, but it's always here when I need to write. I don't think I'll ever give it up. I suspect that I'll become more active at some point, but right now I'm just living life and thankful for all that I have.

I took an entire day off from my computer and blackberry yesterday. This exercise made me feel very uncomfortable, which tells me that I need to do it more often. Am I or was I addicted to the Internet? Perhaps. I think the better question is, "Am I addicted to the perception that I'm on top of everything?" Bingo!

I used to have my laptop on from the time I woke up until the time I went to bed. I may not have been using it, but it was there and ready to go just in case. It was especially important to me for those times when I worked for my previous employer and had an email from the Top Dog at 9pm asking me something. I wanted to be right on it. Or, maybe I saw something on TV that made me curious. I always had my trusty Internet close by to find out anything I wanted to know.

Lately, I've been turning my laptop off every night at about 7pm. Even on weeknights. I decided to try a full day without turning on my computer. Like I said, it was very uncomfortable.

I'm not sure if everyone is like me, but I doubt it. My mind is ON 24/7- yes, even when I'm asleep. My dreams, crazy as they are, are even a reflection of what's going on in my head. If I'm having a particularly stressful day, my dreams are extremely stressful. Sure, clowns might be involved ::heh::, but clowns can be scary too!

So, yesterday there were many times that I was tempted to turn on my computer. It got to the point where I started to panic because I couldn't immediately take care of what was twirling around in my head. All of it was work related. What if?

That ended up spiraling to, "What's going to happen when these projects end?" "How will we pay the bills if I don't get any more projects?" "What if I can't get these projects (two have yet to be formally handed over to me) done on time?" "I need to write and organize right now!"

I knew that I could probably sooth myself by turning on my computer and losing myself in the cyberworld and list-making, but I didn't do it. I already had a spotless house, so scrubbing something wasn't even something I could do to get my mind off of THE.BIG.SCARY.FUTURE.

I ended up enjoying myself with lots of great movies and some doggie play time. Of course, with the "stuff" still swirling around in my head. ACK! Make it stop!

Today I've reminded myself that there is NOTHING permanent about anything. I've learned that lesson many times over. Failed marriage, lay-off from a company that I was with for almost 18 years, animals that I've had to put to sleep (yes, that's another thing that I've been stressing about, even though Einstein isn't yet one year old, thanks to watching Marley and Me); well you get the idea, the list is endless.

There is nothing I can control except how I react to my circumstances. Worrying about the future is just plain dumb. Things are going to happen as they happen and I have very little control over the future. All I can do is accept everything as a learning experience or a gift and do my best to do my best.

Things are going so well right now and what do I do? I worry about when it's going to end. Not *if*, but when. If I were my friend talking to me, I'd say, "hey- look at everything that you've been through and you STILL find a way to come out on top of things." "Way to go for not rolling over and dying!"

My 'friend' is right. I need to listen to her.

I know- it's been a while. I feel guilty about posting because I don't have the time to read other peoples' blogs. But then I remind myself that this blog is for me and my family so:
A: I can search for stuff in my "diary" and
B: My family knows what's going on in my life because as everyone knows, I despise talking on the phone!

Things are rolling like crazy in this household. Both of us are busy with our consulting careers and thank our lucky stars that we were let go from the chains of employment (aka working for 'da man.)

I was a little frightened when I first started with Big Fish, because everything was so new and foreign to me. I know from past experience that when I feel fear, I'm about to go into a huge growth spurt. I'm settling in quite nicely and think that I'm going to really be able to make some significant changes for that company. How cool is that?

(it's cool- trust me)

I met my first shark yesterday. I was quite appalled at his behavior, but chose to go the high road as usual. I'm working with this guy through my contract with Big Fish. He's another vendor that provides information security training. His stuff is way out of my league technologically speaking and I never saw him as a competitor. Apparently he sees me as one, which is ridiculous. He's been busy thumping his chest to Big Fish about how they should let him do the kind of training that I *can* do. Apparently he does not realize that I really could toss this vendor over the side of the ship if I really wanted to, and find another vendor to do what he does.

Oh, and he offered to give me a commission if I sell his product to other people. That was the part that was appalling. I'm representing Big Fish in this project, not my company, and he has no business even offering that to me. I can assure you, that I have absolutely no plans to do any sort of business with this person. I wish I didn't have to through Big Fish, but I'll just keep my yapper shut and let him think he's running his show.

In other news...

• I'm trying to wean myself off of the drugs from the first head injury. I'm off two of them, but worried about the last two. I'd really like to see if I can go without, but worried that I won't be able to. Time will tell.



• The surgery on my tendon was a complete success. I have full range of motion in my jaw now and can actually chew stuff. I won't likely take that for granted anytime soon. I see the surgeon next week about potential surgery number two. On nice days, I'm rarely in pain but on rainy dreary days I sometimes feel as bad as when I first took the face plant almost a year ago. I am still numb in parts of my face and my lips get tingly (not in a good way.) I'm sure that I'm the only one that notices it, but I still have swelling in the cheek area.



• BJ's a-fib is gone, but he's still on lots of drugs. He hates that, but you gotta do what you gotta do. He's been so good about exercising and eating healthy. It's been a lot of work and self-control, but he's done it and I'm very proud of him.



• Einstein is becoming a wonderful dog. I guess he's not really a puppy anymore since he's 10 months old. He drives BJ batty at night with his squeaky toys and squeaky ball. He loves making things squeak and turns into a full-on puppy between the hours of 6pm and 9pm. Thankfully, BJ thinks he's as cute as I do.

I think that about catches me up.

Holy smokes. My little business is growing to such proportions that I can hardly keep track. Thankfully, I've always had a good email filing system. I have a folder for each customer and sub-folders for each project for that customer.

I now have five solid clients. In addition to the endless (in a good way) projects with client number one, the contract with mega-company (client number 3) and the bank (client number 2), I have client number 4- a new partner (a huge information security company), and I've just landed another MEGA company (client number 5)

You'll see the names of the mega companies if you're logged in and have been given permission to view my private posts.

I think out of all of these clients- the new partnership I'm forming is the most exciting to me. He has the business model that I wanted to originally do for my business; create off the shelf compliance and information security training and license it to small banks. How we came across each other is SO happenstance it's mind-blowing. He posted a question on a message board that I rarely read, asking if there was someone in that forum that knew anything about consumer compliance training. It wasn't on a compliance forum. It was on an infosec forum, so he was pretty much barking up the wrong tree.

I emailed him on a whim, thinking that I really didn't have time for another client. Boy am I glad that I did. We had a brief exchange of email, I sent him my resume and gave him the link to my business site. He emailed me and asked me to call him right away if I could. I did and the rest is history.

He owns a huge security company that caters to small banks (my clientele if I actually got to my business plan.) They've been asking him for information security training and compliance training, so he was looking for someone to do that.

::ahem:: that's what I specialize in.

We're in the early stages of partnering on this. I'll create the training (which I already have the content), and he'll license it to small banks. He currently has 3,000 banks under his belt and has people marketing to the rest. We'll share the profit and I get to keep the intellectual property rights to my training; meaning I can use this same training to sell to anybody that I want as long as it doesn't compete with his current clients.

He's so excited about what he saw in my portfolio and what I can offer, that he's thinking of splintering off this portion to start another company.

Peeps, this is H.U.G.E.

Thank goodness I now have a business attorney. I have a feeling I'm going to keep him busy.

As you can guess, I haven't figured out a way to clone myself. Thank goodness I have the next best thing, genetically speaking. I'm giving Cameron and Casey (my sons) training to help me with this. They have the background that I need, because they both worked at WaMu's call center. They know all the weird terminology and they're both very computer literate. So, kind of like clones- only they're boys. Eventually I might have enough business to bring on more people.

I know that Cameron and Casey will be able to hit the ground running, which is what I need right now.

Holy cow. This thing is like a snowball rolling downhill. I'm going to let it keep rolling until the end of the year and make some big decisions in January, like where do I really want to go with my business? I know this- I really don't want it to grow so big that all I do is administrative work. I want to always my hands in the creative part.

Four months, and all of this. Every bit of it has been either happenstance or just a mention from someone I've worked with in the past. I'd like to think that this is my reward for being willing to dig in the trenches and always be the best employee possible.

September 25th will be the anniversary of the failure of Washington Mutual Bank (WaMu). I remember hardly being able to catch my breath after we got the news and how we (my co-workers and I) were working in a stressful environment every single day until we knew what was going to happen to us.

Gosh, if only I had a crystal ball then.