Things that bug me

Since I last wrote, I've had an Echo, MRI and EEG

I saw the neurologist today to get the results from the MRI and EEG.

My brain looks fine. No tumors, bleeding, structural anomalies, etc. The EEG is abnormal. Apparently my brain shuts down (brainwaves stop) and then starts back up again. He said this happened several times during the EEG. So, I'll be wearing an ambulatory EEG for three days the first week of December. He doesn't need me to TRY to faint (thankfully), since he already sees abnormal activity. He just wants me to push a button and write down what's going on when I feel weird (or faint) to see if the body weirdness corresponds with the brainwave weirdness.

He said that this finding could be the difference between one type of dysautonomia and another. It could also mean that I have a form of epilepsy due to- or in addition to dysautonomia. It seems very confusing to me. I’ll have to bring BJ with me when I see him in December for the results of the ambulatory EEG.

I tried to find something about this on the Internet, but all I found was a guy that was able to stop his brain waves when he reached a very Zen place. Maybe I was feeling super Zen that day.

I see the cardiologist in November to get the results of the Echo. The only thing the technician said was that my heart rate was averaging 95 and asked me if that was normal. My normal resting heart rate is in the low 60's- so I can only assume that my heart was giving away the secret that I noticed I had a very cute and young technician and I was worried that he might see my boobies. Actually, I'm pretty sure it was because I had to lay on the arm that is still recovering from shingles. I'd be willing to bet that pain raises the heart rate.

Frankly, I'm ready to quit thinking about ALL OF this. True, I don't want to bonk my head anymore but I wish the process to get to the treatment phase was quicker and involved less doctor appointments. It will be nice to get to the bottom of all of my health issues, but I am one of those people who likes to put negative stuff away in a little box and not think about it. It's not like I'm declining in health or anything (well, except for the shingles- but I'm going to attribute that to Disneyland.) In fact, my fankle is great now, so I'm feeling more healthy with all the walking.

This is really harshing my buzz.

I mentioned yesterday that I purchased a heart monitor that sends information via bluetooth to my phone when I exercise. The whole setup is pretty neat. When I go for a walk, I get a report showing a map of where I walked (btw, I tend to walk in circles! Ha ha ha), how fast I went, how long I walked, altitude climb, and all kinds of nifty stuff.

I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I have monitors on my treadmill and the elliptical that will tell me what my heart rate is when I touch the heart rate monitor. I thought the elliptical was broken because my heart rate would be 180 then the next time I’d check it’d be at 60, up to 150 down to 50, up and down, up and down all while exercising at the same pace. My treadmill does the same thing. I told BJ about it, but he’s told me it’s just a glitch. I shrugged it off.

My cardiologist told me that I had an arrhythmia after wearing that heart monitor for a week a couple of years ago. I had no idea how much of one I had until I saw the report of my heart activity from the heart monitor I just bought. I didn't do any physical activity when I was wearing the heart monitor from the cardiologist (I couldn't because I had a broken foot), so I suppose I need to report this. My heart goes up and down in huge drops and climbs. It’s so frequent, that it almost looks like a heart beat on a monitor (but it’s not. The report I get shows spans of 5 minutes.) I showed it to BJ and he said, “Wow- that is really happening.” Duh.. I already told him that.

The idea of resuming this cardiologist stuff again makes me a crabby. I've been ignoring their calls for follow-up appointments because I can only mentally handle one physical issue at a time. I know this is probably irresponsible, but I'm going to wait until all my new dental work is done (yes, more backlash from when I fell on my face... the dentist said it could go on for five years after a crash like that.)

It's always something..... bleh.

Hey, this blogging every day stuff is working out great! Two days in a row! Go me!

I have a new client as of today, located in Hawaii! Gee, how awful will it be to go visit them?

Of course, I'll have to take my entourage (my accountant, BJ; my designer, Cameron; and my soon-to-be new writer, Michael.) Michael probably has no idea what he's gotten himself in to, but hopefully he won't notice until after the 4th quarter rush is over. Several companies seem to be waiting for that magical quarter to give me their contracts. It's gonna be crazy if they all follow through with what they're telling me.

I won't even get into what's happening in 2012. Suffice it to say, the train is moving down the track and there is no slowing it down. eeek.

So, rather than make myself crazy with dwelling on the work ahead, I'm going to write about reality TV. BJ wonders why I like reality TV so much, but it makes a lot of sense to me. I need SOMETHING to turn off my brain at night. Reality TV is my drug of choice. Arrest me, sue me, whatever you want to do- - just don't make me THINK! Justin Timberlake uses the wacky tabacky, I watch reality TV. We all have our vices.

With that said, I'm not confirming or denying that I watch Bachelor Pad, but if I did- I'd say that someone ought to create a new drinking game. Every time Vienna says "literally", people need to take a swig of their favorite beverage. Mine happens to be Fresca, so all that will do for me is keep me running to the bathroom all night. Thanks a lot, Vienna.

Life lesson #4,529: There is not enough Lori to go around, no matter how far Lori tries to stretch herself. I'm happy to report a very speedy lesson. Ummm.. well.... speedy in the grand scheme of things.

My business has been wildly successful; more successful than I'd even dreamed. That's saying a lot because I'm a big dreamer.

I've known early on that my business was successful due to the unique skill set I had to offer. I can say with full confidence that I'm the only person in the U.S. with my skill set, and I'm selling my skill set when I market to new clients so farming out the work is not an option. Cameron is coming along nicely in his training, but he's still 20 years behind me in experience so there's some catchin' up to do. I have complete faith that he'll be able to do anything that I can do eventually, but for now- the bulk relies square on my shoulders.

I was asked by "Big Fish" to up my hours from 30/week (starting January) to 40/week (starting March). I've been at 20/week since 2009. I thought that would be an awesome way to speed up to retirement. What I found was that it was a quick way to make lots of money, but in the end took a toll on my liver condition and took me away from my original goal to build my business to have a variety of customers. I was unable to offer the same customer service that my other customers were used to and so I've asked Big Fish to cut back my hours to 24. That's not as drastic as it may appear. At 24 hours I'm still making WAY more than I was making as a full time employee at my previous employer, PLUS I have other clients. Oh, and my sanity. heh.

Here's a tip from yours truly: Money isn't EVERYTHING. Money does NOT buy happiness. I already knew that, but I thought that I was responsible to make as much money as was being sent my way. I'd made my intention known that I wanted a successful business, therefore I felt that turning business away was irresponsible. What I found was that I was not taking care of myself. It was a very quick and painful lesson. One that I'm going to pay attention to.

It was a bit of a rocky road to climb out of the hole I'd made for myself, but I'm getting there.

I've learned that my neurologist was right that since the head injury my brain does NOT work right when I'm under too much stress. I forget things and become very confused. I can't even write well enough for spell-check to figure out what word I'm trying to use. Even worse, I'd become so wrapped up in working that I forgot to order my head meds (from the brain injury in 2007) refill from the mail order pharmacy and had to go cold turkey for six days. Each day became exponentially worse than the previous with the bottom completely falling out over the weekend. It was quite ugly. I called my doctor on Monday and she said that this was extremely dangerous and I should have called for a temporary refill on the drugs until the mail order drugs came in. So, I got that last night and feel much better today. Still feel like my brain is bouncing around the inside of my skull, but at least I don't hear funny sounds when I move my eyes. (weird, right?)

Underlying all of this is the frustration with my inability to walk. All of this began two years ago in May. Can you believe it? Tomorrow I go get a shot in my tendon (does NOT sound at all fun.) Not sure what the shot is, but the surgeon said it's not cortisone. She said it was an anesthetic of some kind. I'm also getting a new MRI on my ankle to see what's going on. It's official that I can no longer walk more than 10 minutes without pain shooting up to a 7 or 8. The pain level doesn't go back down for a couple of days, so I'm doing a lot of sitting on my arse. You can imagine what that does to the waist line. It's not necessarily weight-bearing that's causing the pain (though I'm sure it exacerbates the issue), it's just the movement of the ankle. Even driving a car hurts because I have to move my ankle to work the gas pedal.

My follow-up appointment with the surgeon is on Monday. I'm ready to have my ankle fused back together at this point. Or just cut the damned thing off (I kid... sort of....) I can't even begin to express the frustration this has caused me. I'm basically house-bound because walking anywhere for any length of time hurts even if I'm wearing my boot. I can't go do anything fun, not even grocery shopping. Sure, I could ride around in one of those carts, but I'm soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo done with this. As the weather becomes nicer, I become more crabby about it.

So, I guess we can all agree that it's been a very rough couple of weeks and all of it was self-induced. My brother told me this weekend (thanks for talking me down, bro!) that I really need to stop feeling responsible for everything and everyone around me and he's right. I think it's left-overs from being a single parent. It's a real mind-trip when you're responsible for EVERYTHING (keeping a household, making enough money to support my children, paying the bills, etc. etc. etc. ) for two children for most of their lives (TOTALLY WORTH IT!) It's hard to let go of that mind-set. The boys are able to support themselves and BJ has been able to manage living for 42 years without my assistance. Nobody is going to die if I'm unable to be the end-all and be-all for everyone and everything in my life (well, except Einstein, of course. giggle)

Yup, I know that there are awful things going on around me (Japan! Cancer! Death!) and so I feel guilty for whining about this. I think that it's the layer upon layer of stuff that has happened since 2007 that often-times feels like a never-ending mountain I've had to climb. Every time something else happens I think, "seriously? aren't we done?" And then I start climbing the mountain again and will continue to do so- perhaps not with a smile on my face but I'll climb dagnabbit.

The first step is to understand which path is worth climbing and that's what I'm working on now. I'll let you know how that turns out.

Back to square two on the fankle, which is depressing to say the least. No weight-bearing stuff (even walking) until we can keep my ankle in place and the tendon cools its jets.

My ankle pops out of place and locks within an hour from the time I leave her office and takes about ½ hour of manipulation before she can get it back in place when I see her next. Not walking has really cut down on the pain, but that can't be a long-term thing. I'm S.I.C.K. of gaining weight and I really can't eat less than I do. I'm taking two multivitamins a day and have a whey protein shake (made with almond milk) to make up for the lack of nutrition so my diet doesn't wreak havoc on my body.

Most of the manipulation doesn’t hurt because now my PT knows exactly what she needs to do now. She massages it until it’s warmed up and then pops it in place. It feels REALLY GOOD as soon as it pops and then suddenly my ankle can move. It’s the strangest thing. I imagine that it’s like when a chiropractor pulls on someone’s head to pop their neck into place. She told me that it’s not the same thing, but that’s the closest I can get to describing it.

My PT told me last night that she's not going to let this go on long before sending me back to the surgeon to see about repairing the tendon. The surgeon told me that could be a possibility early on, so I sort of expected this because I'm *that* person (if there's a side-effect, I get it. If there's a weird genetic thing to explain what's going on with my health, I have it... Need I say more?) I still have hope that there is something else we can do because quite frankly, I’m sick of surgery and I don’t have time for it.

To think this all started back in May of 2009 is crazy. Breaking a bone that didn't belong in the first place because I fainted in high heels. Come on, who else could tell THAT story, right?

(thank goodness I have a GREAT sense of humor)