Reflection

I'm studying Buddhism in my spare time and am finding myself nodding my head a lot as I read. Though Buddhism is not a religion per se, many of the principles are universal to most religions, so what I'm reading seems familiar and comfortable to me. So far, I like what I'm reading and learning and much of it sums up nicely my own belief system. Especially the life after death stuff and why we're here on this earth.

My favorite quote today:

Before enlightnment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightnment, chop wood, carry water.
~Zen proverb

Aside from making me giggle, this quote reminds me to stay humble, and can be applied to any sort of education. We're here on earth to learn, but being enlightened (I'm not claiming to be enlightened, by the way) doesn't make me any more special than the next guy. It just helps me to understand circumstances differently than the average Joe. I still have to trudge through life just like everyone else.

Bummer, dude.

I was reading an interesting article on Oprah.com this morning, "The confidence game, how to bring out your inner hotshot." If I had any more confidence, I'd be annoying (probably already am, but too bad!) I was just interested in the article to see what it had to say about the topic.

I was able to tick off all of the indications of confidence (with confidence, even!) as I read through the article. Yep, I use furniture "wrong" in an office setting; I can maintain uncomfortable eye contact, etc etc etc.

Not too many years ago, people in the office would have never recognized the "Lori" outside of the office. If I were to put myself on a confidence scale of 1-10 back then, I'd be in the negative numbers. I had no confidence at all. Yet at work, you couldn't faze me. I was (and continue to be) NOT TO BE MESSED WITH.

I've always known my value at work. Outside of work, I had no value (in my head).

I can't really give a rhyme or reason about when the two selves fused, but I'm glad it happened. I'll admit that every now and then the old self peeks in, but it's rare and I'm able to shoo her away.

I think the best part of the personal emotional growth is that I can tell people, "don't tread on me". If they choose not to listen, then I choose not to spend my time with them. Who knew it could be so simple? Life is too darned short to be a welcome mat.

Back to the article... It pointed out that practicing the body language and speaking styles of a confident person, even if you don't feel that way, helps your brain to retrain its way of thinking. I've found that to be true. One of the benefits of "pretending" to feel confident is that you can see how others react to it. It's a lot better than you'd imagined, making it easier to not pretend the next time.

I suspect my hesitance to assert myself in the past was because I abhor aggressive people. It took a while for me to learn that you can be assertive AND kind at the same time. To me, that means I will not tread on others NOR will I allow others to tread on me. Pretty simple if you think about it in those terms.

Anyway, it's a good read if you need some confidence booster tips. It's also a good read if you want to know if you're in the right track.

People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost.
~H. Jackson Brown

I love this quote, and I'll tell you why. I love having discussions with people who aren't out to convince me to change to their point of view, but are just to help me to understand why they think the way they do. I really do enjoy having conversations with people who have a different viewpoint than mine, because I'm always interested in what makes people tick. I like to study people. People are so interesting, aren't they?

Who knows, I might learn a thing or two but rarely do I have a conversation about a topic that I haven't already thought through at some point.

Let's face it. I'm 51 years old and have pretty much thought through and made up my mind on all of the important stuff.

I'll let you in on a little secret: Just because I'm silent, it doesn't mean I agree with you. It means that I'm studying you.... in fact, my silence often indicates that I disagree with you, but I know that I’m talking to a “right-fighter” and my input will be perceived as arguing. Arguing isn’t very much fun to me, so I avoid it.

BJ and I couldn't be any different in the way we think about many things and what our core beliefs are, but I still respect his right to his beliefs and love the guy no matter what his beliefs. A big gap is our belief in life after death and a belief in a larger power than ourselves. I love it that we can talk about this stuff and end it with an agreement to disagree. Voices are never raised and respect of each other's intelligence is always part of our discussions. I guess one of us (probably him... ha ha ha) will find out that they are wrong after they take their last breath. I hope that I'm not the one who is wrong, but I'll find out sooner or later. I suppose that if I'm wrong, then there won't be any "finding out" anything. I'll simply end. It sounds kind of like waiting for retirement to come and once work ends, I lapse into a coma. What a drag!

I could even apply this thought process to the many people in my life that smoke. I HATE it that they smoke, but as an adult it's their decision as long as they don't do it in my house. I do things that other people might not agree with, but I'm an adult and it's my decision. Hmmmm... sounds like I'm pontificating.. but I'm just trying to make a point.

I learned a really good lesson this week, which is why I've posted the quote. I'm not going to get into the details because this blog is public, but will share that it had to do with one of my sons. I called him last night and a great conversation came out of it. What a great kid I have. He knows what he's doing, and knows what's best for him. I must have done something right with that kid, that's for sure.

Or perhaps, he was just born to be awesome no matter who his mother is (most likely the case.)

On a lark, I downloaded a puzzle app to my iPad. It was free, so I thought, "what the heck."

Eventually, I downloaded the pay version (big deal, it was only 3 bucks!), because I've found it to be a wonderful way to relax at night. What I really like about it is that I can use any picture I find on the Internet or out of my personal photo albums to create puzzles. Friends, beware, many of you have turned into a puzzle, especially if there's an animal in the picture with you! I can also make them hard or easy to do, depending on the brain cells I have left at the end of the day.

I now look at almost every picture as a puzzle, which is kind of fun. I find at least two new pictures a day (typically more than 10) to fill my puzzle bucket. I think I look at pictures differently now. I am drawn to the more intense photos in a way that I've never been before. I think that's kind of neat that something so simple has changed the way I look at things.

Much can be said about many things in life, I guess.

When you realize how perfect everything is, you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky.
~Buddha

"Perfect" is up to me. Today I'm going to give myself the gift of saying "No" instead of making myself crazy by meeting someone else's "pulled out of the air" deadline. As soon as I'd made that decision, I felt like things were back on track for me. I'm breathing again. Yesterday, I was just a bunch of tensed up muscles and anger because I wasn't practicing self-care.

Saying "No" has always been hard for me, but with age I'm learning that it's up to me to set boundaries. People, both professionally and personally, have had a habit of walking all over me because I've allowed them my back as a welcome mat. It's getting easier and easier for me to tell people, both professionally and personally to back off, because I see that the world doesn't come to an end. Some people don't have any awareness of appropriate boundaries. That's OK for them, just not for me.

It's really so simple, isn't it? A perfect life is much more simple than I give it credit for.