Mush

Caution: Those with problems regulating their sugar might want to skip this post, otherwise you might go into a diabetic coma from the sweetness.

The rest of you will probably gag.

BJ and I were on our separate computers in different rooms this morning, checking email. He's not on his computer NEARLY the amount of time that I am, so I took the opportunity to send him a little love note. I signed it with x's and o's.

He replied, "right back atcha".

I said out loud, "Hey, where are the x's and o's?"

He came running into the room and said, "I thought I'd give those to you in person".

...and he did.

Gah- sweetness overload.

Jessica sent the family an announcement that her new nephew was born, and sent a picture. Of course, I went gaga over the baby, as I tend to do. The title of this post comes from a response from Kathy after reading my big ol' bunch of gaga over babies.

"What?! You love babies, Lori? Get outta here….. "
Kathy, April 17, 2008

Oops. The secret is out. Lori loves babies.

I'm the first one in the room to grab a baby and run off with it. No worries, I give them back- only because BJ won't let me keep it.

He's so mean to me....

Here's a picture of me and Riley the day we met. It was Superbowl Sunday 2006. As you can see, we're not watching football. Anyone surprised? No? I didn't think so.


Even though this picture is super blurry, thanks to Casey's excellent photography skills, I love it. This was the first time I got to read a book to my grandbaby. No, he's not mine biologically, but I have lots of experience with loving people who aren't biologically mine (right Dad? right Heidi?). I'll always consider Riley to be my first grandbaby.

::Disclaimer:: Girls and boys (Jessica, Casey, Cameron and Kathy), this is in NO WAY an attempt to pressure you into providing me more grandbabies.

/lies (tee hee)

I had lunch with Heidi today, and I've been filled with thoughts of how much I miss my sister.

She's nine years younger than me, but I adored her from the moment we met. Those of you that are newish to my blog don't know that my sister is adopted. We got her from the baby store when she was six months old.

I didn't think I'd like her very much. In fact, I dragged my feet coming home from school the day I knew she was coming home to live with us.

But then? I saw her.

LOVE.AT.FIRST.SIGHT.

I became her little mama from the moment I met her. Oh how I loved that little baby, and I love her more each day (ummm- that's a lot of days, seeing as she was born in 1969).

I don't think there are many people on this earth that can claim that their sister is their best friend. I'm one of the lucky few.

I think the only fight we ever had was when she lived with me at age 14. I was already married and had two kids at the time. She stayed out too late and I was worried about her. I don't remember much about it- only that we had a fight. It was very unusual for us, and I think it was the first and the last fight we've ever had.

She's been my confidant, the keeper of my secrets and the cheerleader when I've needed it. As a Hospice volunteer, I've imagined what it might be like on the day that I die. My sister has always been in that scene. Perhaps it's because she knows me better than anyone in this world, and I trust her to know exactly how to be what I need. Michael has also been in that scene. He is the one I trust to pull the plug. (tee hee). He's also the keeper of my secrets- only in a different way. He's also my special person.

Now that I'm with the bearded eye-roller, Heidi and I live 50 miles apart. That kills me sometimes. I've never been this far from her in our adult lives, and it's still very hard to get used to- four years later.

Sis- you know this, but I wanted it here in my blog- because as we discussed today, this place is my real estate to proclaim to the world who I am and what I'm about. I believe in soul mates. I believe that we were meant to be sisters and that you and I are soul mates. I've loved you from the moment I laid eyes on you, and I will love you more than you could ever imagine for as long as I exist. I want to be there with you for EVERY.SINGLE.IMPORTANT event of your life. I will always be there for you. You can count on me... no matter what.

Love,
Sis

One of the things I like about having a blog is being able to go back through the years to read past entries. I've added a "on this day" feature in my comments that provides links to posts I've written in previous years on that date.

Today is Casey's 25th birthday and I'd written a happy birthday post to him 2005. As I read it again, I thought, "I wouldn't change a word of this post."

So here's a repost, just because I can...

Tomorrow is your 22nd birthday. That is so hard for me to comprehend because the time has passed much too quickly. Sometimes I miss that little boy that used to love to cuddle with me and promised to buy me pretty sparkly diamonds.

I remember feeling so guilty when I was pregnant with you. I thought I'd never love another baby as much as I loved your brother and I didn't think it was fair to bring you into the world under those circumstances. But then you were placed in my arms and I knew that it was indeed possible. I loved you so much that I thought my heart would burst.

I'm sorry that I didn't protect you from those mean nurses that insisted on naming you Yoda, but really, look at your baby pictures sometime. The resemblance is uncanny. I thought those eyes of yours would swallow your face.

I remember being awestruck at how you kept looking around at your surroundings only minutes after birth. It was as if you were starved for visuals and you were just taking it all in. I don't remember ever seeing a baby look around as much as you did.

The pediatrician had a good laugh with me about your first visit with him. The first baby they gave him was a girl, and he knew that wasn't right. Then they handed him this little peanut of a baby. He tried to give you back too, because he thought you'd be a Howard Huge like your brother.

You were always quite a little ladies man. Your next pediatrician was a woman and she used to laugh at how you'd flirt with her before you were even one year old. You'd give her this really coy little look and rub your toe on her leg. When you entered school, it was nirvana for you. You always had at least two girlfriends at a time. Your fifth birthday party consisted of four girls and one boy. I like those odds for you, kiddo.

I hardly ever put you down when you were a baby because you were such a cuddler. You just loved to lay in my arms and play with my hair and stare into my eyes. It was magical and I always wondered what you were thinking. You were probably plotting your next meal....

I remember always sitting with you for a while before you'd go to sleep when you were little. Sometimes it was to read a story, sometimes it was to just listen to you talk. Sometimes the things that came out of your mouth had me on the floor laughing. One time I looked at you and had my hand on your cheek and said, "I love you my sweet little boy". You put your hand on my cheek and said, "I love you my sweet BIG mommy". There was another time when you were about four and you looked like you were gazing into my eyes. I asked you what you were thinking and you said, "You have a zit on your nose". Yeah, a real charmer, you were.

You always seemed older than your years and I was constantly amazed at your lack of fear. I don't think you were even eight years old when you had purchased something with your allowance that was defective. You asked me to drive you right back to the store so you could return it. You didn't want or need my help, just a ride. I was in awe of you when you did that.

We've lived without a man in the house from the time you were six until you moved out. As you got older, you turned into quite a handyman and I appreciated it because we were living paycheck to paycheck. I don't know where you learned to do the things you did, but it made me feel safe having you around. When you were 15 and the gas water heater went out, I didn't have enough money to hire someone to install it. You said that you could do it, and I knew that you could. And you did. Now that I think about it, having my 15 year old son replace a gas water heater on Halloween gives a new definition to fright night.

I remember the years that I was not allowed to call you anything except your name. If I accidently called you honey, sweet boy, or anything except for your name in public I'd get the dirtiest scowl and a tongue lashing when we got to the car. Now you put up with it all and you even say "I love you" to me in front of people. You really are my sweet boy.

I am so proud of you, and I always have been. We had a few months of rocky roads in your early teens that lead you to living with your dad, but it became a great discovery for both of us at how much we loved each other. I hated not having your presence in our home. I was so happy when you wanted to come back.

After high school when you decided to leave the nest and spread your wings, it nearly broke my heart. I adored spending time with you every night after you'd come home from work. But I also realized and appreciated how important your independence is to you.

So, here I am the night before your birthday wishing just a little that you were that sweet baby again just for a little while. I miss smelling your sweet baby hair (when you finally grew some) and I miss watching you sleep. At the same time, I am so proud at what a wonderful man you've become. Everyone that knows you thinks the world of you. You are trustworthy, you have a kind heart and you are fiercely protective of those that you love. I can't possibly imagine being more proud of you than I am.

I'm so lucky that I was given the gift of you.

I love you, son.

I really need to get out of this spiral of yucky posts, because really- I think my life is really going GREAT. I just have had some physical bumps.

I'm STILL having fabulous brain days. How long has that been now, three weeks or more? This excites me more than you could possibly imagine. I'm even starting to feel like I have my game back at work. I'm back to being assertive and pushing for what I want and need. I'm able to see my ideas through without stammering. I'm able to look intimidating people in the eye and show them that I mean business.

I am SO very happy. I really am.

In spite of the two brain bops, I've gone beyond people's expectations at work. That excites me and makes me even more eager to continue being that "A+" employee that I've been in the past.

My company has awards that employees can send to other employees. In a matter of one week, I received three- one of which was from a senior level executive. I have to share because this is proof that I really am back. I truly believed I'd never be at this place again. Yes that's me- Pollyanna, admitting that I was seeing a glass half empty. I thought I was going to be stuck in sub-par and I was truly in despair.

Geez, I'm tearing up as I write this. I've needed to hear these things since June, when I first hit my head. I never thought I'd hear anything like this again.

Subject: Thank you Lori for being a true hero!
Lori,

I am so thankful to have you as such a strong, flexible, and friendly partner! I know the ERT review was dropped as an unexpected bomb on you this AM but you responded with speed, expertise, & grace.

This is all new to us (the review process is less than 12 hours old!) and we're learning through it. I know it's tough & not fun, but you persevere with a "can do" attitude and a smile in your voice (since I can't actually see you!). I'll continue to help as much as I can, but you're really the one making it happen!

THANK YOU for being patient and being a terrific partner doing what's right for your course and for the entire enterprise.

Lori, you're the best.

Subject: You ROCK!
Thank you Lori for your help and patience in helping create an enterprise approach and standard for required training courses. With multiple stakeholders and many people trying to tell you how to do things, you remain dynamic and driven and see it through.

I appreciate your expertise and contributions.

Subject: Lovefest 2008! Congrats on a milestone!

We're not out of the woods yet, but this is an excellent opportunity to celebrate a HUGE milestone and recognize Lori's contributions not only to the Info Security course but to all Enterprise Required Training (ERT). Being in first place is never easy, and Lori held tight during this wild ride of launching ERT for 08. Every time we asked her to pause, stop, answer, or redirect, Lori responded with professionalism, grace, and a SMILE! Resiliency defined!

I can't express how fortunate we are to have Lori as one of our front runners. Through her expertise and partnership, Info Security will be a great success. And all [company name] will benefit from the path she's blazed. THANK YOU!

Thank you. Thank you each and every one of you for holding me up while I was so low. I know without a doubt that your prayers, thoughts, and unending love are what brought me back.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I will *never* take my brain for granted ever again. And as vain as this may sound- I now realize how blessed I've been all of these years with the abilities I've been given. Without these abilities, I would never be where I'm at.

...where I'm at is a mighty fine place.

I mean it when I say that I truly love the friends I've made in my little cyberworld. I wish I could hug each and every one of you in person.

Thank you for helping me return to being me.