Mush

Poor hubby has to put up with me hitting on him all the time. I can't help it. He's just so darned cute and sweet. Uuhhhh, I meant handsome and manly.

He's out of town for a few days and I miss his cuddly, ummmm, errrrr, I mean buff body. So, here I sit planning all of the ways that I'll drive him crazy with my flirty ways when he gets home. I drive him crazy not in the good way, it's more like in the eye-rolling way.

I even suggested we go make out in the car, while sitting across his step-dad at breakfast on Sunday. Really, I did. It was perfectly logical when you think about it, and I'm sure you'll agree. There we were having brunch in a restaurant next to the airport with his mom and step-dad prior to his flight out. We still had lots of time after we finished eating, so he asked me what we should do to fill up the time between then and his flight. That's when I threw out my suggestion. Right in front of his step-dad (Mom was powdering her nose at the time). Yup, I did. Don't you think he was just asking for it though?

I got an unexpected opportunity for more flirting today. I had to overnight his forgotten cell phone charger to him this morning. I sent his charger all right. I also included a little perfumed lurve note with lipsticky lips all over it. There's no way he can say that he wasn't expecting that. I mean, he's been married to me for what, eight months now? He's got to be used to it by now.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have more scheming to do.

....it's not. It really is good and it's true. That's my new motto, and I'm sticking to it.

Last night was another wonderful night in the life of this newlywed. While in the middle of watching Spiderman 2, hubby paused the movie and said, "have I told you lately how much I really like being married to you?" I thought it was interesting timing because during my ride home from work I was wondering when marriage is going to stop being so fun. I keep waiting and waiting for marriage to seem like a complete drag. You know, the ball and chain bit, because that was my experience with my 'practice husband' almost from the beginning.

So, during our heart-to-heart last night I laughed at him about the fact that he 'warned' me when we started getting serious that this relationship will end just like all his other relationships. He replied by telling me that he now has new 'data' (geek!) and he's changed his mind about that whole thing.

I'm going to have to come to terms with the fact that maybe marriage IS fun and this one ISN'T too good to be true. Yeah, I guess I have new data too.

Today marks one year from the day hubby asked me to marry him. When we first started dating, he had me thoroughly convinced that this day would never happen. I accepted him at face value, and never pushed him for anything more. He was a 'confirmed bachelor' you know.

Every so often, he'd bump up the relationship status- always surprising me with each step. Then the biggie happened. He asked me to move in with him (we lived about 1.5 hours apart from each other, making it difficult to see each other often.)

I think my reaction surprised him. He was expecting the 'rush into his arms tearfully saying yes' scene. What he got was the "I have to think about it, I'm going to go for a drive." ......"By myself", scene.

I was raised in a very conservative religion. Although I formally gave that religion up about four years ago, my parents didn't. I knew that my living with someone before marriage would absolutely kill them and even though I have issues with my parents religious 'zeal', I still respected their right to feel the way they do.

So, I came up with a compromise during that drive. I told him that I would only consider moving in with him if it was a precursor to marriage and that we had to have a wedding date set within a year. He agreed to that. This was the first and last time I ever brought up that topic. I moved in with him the first weekend in September 2003.

I'd had two fake outs in the weeks leading up to the day he asked me to marry him. One of them was a beautiful weekend getaway in a wonderful posh hotel. He'd reserved the honeymoon suite with rose petals on the floor leading up to the bed. I just *knew* he was going to pop the question. I even poked around his suit and suitcase trying to find the ring while he was getting ready for dinner. Yeah, I'm nosy like that. Dinner came and went. Nothing. The waiter asked if we wanted dessert. Aha! I thought. He's going to have the ring brought out with dessert! Ummm, no. When we went back to the room, there were new items; an ice bucket containing champagne and a silver platter with a cover on it. "There it is!", I thought. I didn't want to seem eager so I let him lift the lid. Damned chocolate covered strawberries.

The next fake out was the day before the actual proposal. He told me to get all dolled up because he was going to take me to a swanky restaurant. There were classical guitars playing in the background and candlelight at the table. Suddenly he grabbed my hand and looked at me with tears in his eyes and told me that he can't remember when he'd ever been this happy. He went on to tell me that he loves every minute we spend together and how it all feels so right. I just *knew* that this was the moment. It was so perfect, well except there was no proposal.

The following day, we decided to just lay around the house in our sweats and watch movies all day. I don't even remember what we were watching when he paused the TiVo, got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I thought he was joking so I told him to shut up and put the TiVo back on play. I suppose he didn't quite get the reaction he expected out of the proposal either. I'm funny that way. He continued trying to convince me that he was serious. I continued to not believe him. I mean, come on.... where were the candles? Where was the music?

Even on to the next morning, I still didn't believe him so I decided to not bring it up when we woke up. He rolled over and said, "hey, did we discuss anything of importance last night? I had a little too much to drink, you know." Then he started laughing. I wanted to slug him. I probably did.

So, that was my marriage proposal. Less than three months from the day we moved in together, just over a year from the day we met. I'm really quite glad it happened that way because it proved to me that he took me to all those wonderful places because he wanted to pamper me. Nothing more. He proposed to me when I couldn't have looked ANY WORSE. That, in a nutshell says it all.

So, today is a special day for me. The day that the confirmed bachelor was a confirmed bachelor no more. I haven't regretted saying yes for even a minute.

This is a very public letter to my brother; the most recent addition to my blog viewers.

I've been thinking about why I was so prompted to call you on Tuesday evening. I told you the weird circumstances that lead up to it, and why sis and I thought *it* happened. I was glad to hear that you were all right. Well, physically anyway.

When you called me Wednesday after reading my blog for the first time, the reason for needing to call you seemed much more clear to me. You sounded so light hearted when we talked on Wednesday; vastly different than the brother I talked to on Tuesday. You told me that you were laughing out loud while reading some of my posts. Perhaps that prompting to call you wasn't any national emergency, but just the fact that I needed to send a little laughter your way.

You've shared with me before that I always know how to make you laugh. I'm so glad. You and "sis" are two people that I'd do anything for. You're my heart. You both are. If you ever feel alone, just know that you're very special to me. You and sis, my first loves,..... my family.

Now... back to my regularly scheduled blogging...

My third child/husband's (boy) best friend is here. They're playing x-box golf. I'm on the computer reading blogs and such. Suddenly I find myself in a mushy mood. "Go home husband's best boy friend", is what I'm thinking! ha ha.

Anyway, I had a 2.5 hour commute to work yesterday. I decided that I was getting a bit too stressed out over being late, so popped in a CD that I haven't listened to since the early dating time with my husband and me. The time before I knew that *this* was real and was really going to happen. Wow. It made me smile the rest of the way to work. It was Bryan Adams. I think I played that CD every time I went to his house when we were dating. I was totally into the Bryan Adams compilation CD I'd made at the time. The lyrics just spoke to me.

So, as I fought that 2.5 hour commute, I remembered how much I internalized some of the lyrics in the songs in those early days.

1. I'm ready To me, that symbolized how I really was ready to give up the "I'm never going to love anyone ever again" stage in my live
2. I will always return The lyrics are so about long distance relationships (at least to me!). Beautiful music and lyrics.
3. Nothing I've ever known Pretty much sums it up.

I dunno... I really thought I was done with love and all that stuff. Even when I felt things for my husband in the beginning, I fought it. I didn't want to get hurt; I've had a lifetime of that. He fought it too. He's not had the greatest of experiences either. Boy, did he fight it and was very honest with me about it. The thing is, I took him at face value. Was I surprised when he proposed. I honestly didn't expect it to happen. I certainly NEVER pushed it.

Yet, here we are. We've been living together for 13 months, married for 5 of of those months. I still get giddy about seeing him. I get butterflies when I hear his car pull up in the gravel driveway. We still have those "I can't believe that this is STILL this wonderful" conversations with each other frequently. I'm not kidding when I say we tell each other this at least weekly. At least twice a month we sit on the couch for a couple of hours and tell each other how much this relationship means to us. Who knew? I sure didn't. When I'd see couples who seemed to adore each other, I thought it was fake. Now I know better. We just click. It's SO easy. I wish I'd known how easy it could be and had the strength to give up on those awful relationships I'd had in the past. I'd of saved myself a heck of a lot of heartache. But then again, I have to think that I wouldn't fully appreciate what I have now. Catch 22 I guess.

So, a 2.5 hour commute turned into something really wonderful. I was able to go back in time and look at myself back then and smile at all the worries I had about getting too close. I was able to look at the actions that my future husband showed me (vs- the words that said he would never get to this place), and nod my head. I was able to tell that scared person I was, "ya know, it'll be ok- everything is really going to work out. You just wait and see..." I'm smiling now thinking about that . Too bad we can't all have a crystal ball, huh?

That same night, I had a night class for Hospice. I got home at 9pm. He heard me drive up the gravel driveway and greeted me at the door. He held me for a while and then kissed me and told me to go get comfy. So I did. I came out to find a plate of dinner that he made for me sitting on the table. It almost broke my heart to tell him that I already ate. He just took my plate, put it all away and cleaned up the kitchen. What a sweet man, huh?

I just kissed and held him when I saw that. Especially after the experience I'd had that morning. I told him over and over again how lucky and blessed I felt that we were together. That lead to another one of those hours long talks about us. He loves to gush too. How cool is that? Sigh....

So, this is what it's like. I had no idea that *this* really existed. I'm starting to settle into the fact that I can expect this to be wonderful for many years to come. I sure must have done something right to be this lucky, ya know?

Yep, I'm madly in love with my husband. How wonderful is that?