Mush

Here's my to-do list for the week
Step 1- Thank everyone
Step 2- Update my blog
Step 3- Visit everyone else

I can't thank you ALL enough for the email, cards, letters, tokens of love (AG- I'll treasure that), thoughts and prayers. Throughout this journey, I've never once felt alone. Not even for a minute. If what they say about you being a reflection of the friends you have- WOW- I'm just fabulous. (tee hee).

I've had 7 good brain days in a row at work. (I'm not counting weekends, because I tend to give my brain a rest- doesn't everyone?) It's been truly amazing and wonderful. I've told a few friends that I will never take my brain for granted again. I'm afraid to get too excited about this because I've reverted a couple of times after feeling this great, but something tells me that I'm truly on the mend this time.

!!Warning to the world: If I do revert back, I guarantee you that I'm NOT going to be a happy camper. Just sayin'.!!

I'm still jerking at the end of the day if I don't take the klonopin, and am not sure if that will ever go away. I'm also having the sleep-walking (and other weird things in my sleep) issues. I'm A-OK with both of those things as long as I have my precious mind and personality back. I've missed me. I'd almost forgotten what it was like to be me and now that I see a bit of me back, I wouldn't want to be anybody else. I like the 'real' me.

Yeah, I know, this sounds awfully pretentious- but losing oneself so suddenly is very traumatic. Finding oneself again is a very interesting (and wonderful, unless you're a murderer or something) experience.

I have stories to tell, but I don't want this to get too long. Trust me, the stories are hilarious. At least one of them is. I'll give you a hint..

Have you ever made a salad in your sleep?

No?

Well, I have.

With that, I bid you adieu and look forward to catching up on YOUR lives. I have just over 1000 feeds to read in my feedreader, so it's gonna take a while to catch up. I see a nice quiet weekend coming up in my future.

I received an email from Casey yesterday. Subject line, "What do you think of this?". No text in the body, but a jpg file attached.

I assumed it was just a picture of the latest prank he and Cameron pulled. He likes to send me pictures of his handiwork because he knows I appreciate a good prank.

I opened the picture expecting a good laugh and what did I see? I saw a picture of an engagement ring in a lil' jewelers box.

I wrote back as soon as I saw that with, "YOU NEED TO CALL ME RIGHT NOW!!". (Yes, I used capital letters. That way he'd know that I meant business!)

He did as he was told and I received a call almost immediately. I could barely contain my excitement (still can barely contain my excitement almost 24 hours later!) It was pretty much a given that they'd get married eventually, but nothing was official. This seemed so 'sudden', so I asked him what made him decide to finally take that step.

He told me that it was the heart-to-heart that he and I had on Saturday. Casey and I had some time to ourselves to just sit and talk about lots of stuff. I really like it when I have one-on-one time with my kids (all of them, including the girls!), because it's quite an honor to be asked for my thoughts and opinions. I've tried to stay out of his business in this matter, because it's a huge step- but it just felt right to talk about it on Saturday since we had 'alone' time. I wanted to know where he stood in this relationship, mainly because there's a little boy involved. I wanted to make sure that his heart was in the right place and that he was doing what was best for him, as well as Jessica and Riley.

That's a lot of responsibility for someone who is only 24 years old, but then again- Casey has always been very mature for his age (well, in the things that matter.. ha ha).

I've always known that whomever is lucky enough to marry Casey would be in for a lifetime of feeling safe and loved. Casey just has that way about him. Even though he was the child, he always took care of things that needed to be fixed around the house. I've mentioned before that he replaced the gas water heater all by himself when he was 15, because I couldn't afford to pay for a repair person. That's just how he is.

I can say the same thing about Jessica. Whomever is lucky enough to marry her is in for a lifetime of feeling safe and loved. She has this way about her that is very comforting and peaceful. Casey must have listened when I told him to marry someone smart, because Jessica is smart and knows how to use it. She has a great business sense about her and I can't wait to see what she's going to do next.

As a mother? She's tops. Seriously. Perhaps I'm prejudiced, but Riley couldn't be more perfect. Of course, I'm going to take full credit for his perfection, saying that he gets it from me.

Actually, I'm a very bad influence on him.


Wow- I've gone on and on here, haven't I? As you can see, I am so happy with the choice Casey has made.

I hope Jessica doesn't mind, but I'm going to quote from her blog this morning (no- you don't get the link!):

The most wonderful part of the evening was driving home through the part of downtown that is all lit up for the holidays. Then I asked him if he felt different. He asked what I meant. I answered that I wasn't sure something had just changed. He said yes, he felt as though nothing could ever go wrong now. And it clicked. That is exactly what I felt. Everything came into place. It's like the stars aligned and all is right with the world because I know we will always have each other. I know it sounds corny, but really everything is so perfect and magical. I just love it. I don't think I have stopped smiling yet!!!

Jessica, I can't stop smiling either. You two truly are perfect for each other.

Here's a hint:


Yup, that's my beautiful grandmother. Isn't she lovely? She's so graceful and elegant and teeny tiny. I feel like a big ol' buffalo compared to her- but that's not really important, now, is it? The important thing is that I found her two years ago and now I have a grandmother to call my own.

I was really sad that it was such a short visit, but we had work to attend to and the flight options weren't very good. We left at 9:30 pm Friday night and got on a plane at 5:30 a.m. this morning, so there was just one day to spend together.

Before we got there, I had a bit of an issue. It's kind of hilarious, and definitely blog-worthy.

We stopped at Starbucks on our way to visit my grandmother. Not being familiar with this car since it was a rental, I didn't understand that perhaps I should be careful about the door potentially shutting itself on my hand. There I was with one hand holding my iced vente americano, the other on top of the door as I sat down. Then bang- the door shut on my hand and it was stuck.

Sure, I could have dropped the coffee to give myself a hand free to open the door myself, but:
A: What a mess that would have made in the rental car
B: What a waste of good coffee
C: I could have gotten coffee all over myself

I chose instead, to cry out to the bearded eye-roller, "My hand is stuck in the door and I can't open it." BER moved faster than I've seen him move in a long time and freed my hand from the door.

In case you're wondering, that didn't feel very good- but I could NOT stop laughing. It was pretty embarrassing to admit that I'd rather keep my hand in the door than drop the precious coffee.

The visit with my grandmother was lovely. My aunt and cousin were there when we showed up, but said that they wanted my grandmother to spend time alone with us- so suggested we take her for lunch while they visited my other aunt.

Before leaving for the restaurant, my grandmother said that we could either take her walker, or she'd need an arm to hold on to while she walked. BER said, "I think having you on my arm would be a lot more fun, don't you?"

I have to say, I loved BER very much already, but watching how gentle and sweet he was with my grandmother made me fall in love even more. I told my grandmother that BER was going to be in BIG trouble later for flirting with another woman (her) and then we both giggled.

We shared private and special stories for almost three hours in that restaurant, and then went back to her home where my aunt and cousin had WAY too many baked goods (they're EVIL) and wine, and then we visited some more. She gave me some mementos to take home with me, including a birdhouse she hand painted. I didn't notice until I came home to unpack it that she'd signed it with a special note to me on the bottom. ::sigh:: I'll treasure that.

It was very difficult to pull myself away, but I could see that everyone was getting tired after a 9 hour visit, so we left.

I have so much that I would like to write about, but it's too private. I know I share a lot here on my blog, but I never share someone else's stories. That's very important to me and I know that my friends will understand.

I called my grandmother when we got home to let her know that we're safe and sound. While talking, she told me that she's so happy that BER and I are together. She said that it's very obvious that we were meant for each other. I have to agree. I'd also like to say that my grandmother and I were meant for each other- even if it didn't happen until 45 years after I was born.

I'm lucky indeed.

Funny, but your comments in my last post directly relate to what I'd planned on posting today.

Well, not the part of me being a bitchin' gal, but I'll take it! ha ha.

Annie, I like what you wrote about your husband's attitude. You're completely right- it *is* all about being grateful. This is exactly why I am Pollyanna. I'm simply grateful for everything that I have, and even though I whine here sometimes- not a day goes by that I don't feel sincere gratitude for something.

Usually, it's gratitude for being married to the bearded eye-roller. Boy, am I grateful that we are in each others' lives. I kid you not- we tell each other every.single.night on that back porch how nice it is being married. I suppose that could get sickening to listen to if you're not us- but it sure is nice for me to say it AND hear it.

I was writing a communication for the top dog today and thinking about how lucky I am. I absolutely love to write and I love to research, and this job allows me to do both things. While thinking about my luck, I kind of went down memory lane of what brought me to this place in my career. A place where I get to do something I love, get paid well to do it AND (bonus points) get to telecommute three days a week.

Wanna know my secret? It's because, as Anonymous G wrote in the comments, I'm tenacious. Even more, I'm not afraid to go after what I want. It's as simple as that.

It just never occurs to me that I can't do something if I set my mind to it. Add that to being a 'spin doctor' and you have someone who can sell herself to any future employer.

You need someone to do "x"? Yup. I can do that. (scramble... scramble... scramble.... what the heck did I just agree to?)

I think that most people I work with would be very surprised to know my educational background. Most people assume (trust me, I don't correct them!) that I have a good college education in the field du jour (computer technology? communications? journalism?). Nope. My education has all been from the school of life. While everyone else was going to college, I was having babies and waitressing.

Sometimes I look at where I'm at and can't believe my good fortune. Then there are other times that I really think about it and have to acknowledge that I didn't get here magically. I saw something I wanted, and then I made sure that it happened by doing a LOT of research. I'm just lucky that I was born with a very curious nature.

Sure, I've put myself in positions where I was clearly over my head, but I plugged along anyway because I'm not a quitter. Each time I win these battles, I have more ammunition to keep plugging away the next time it happens.

I hope this post doesn't come across as bragging. It's truly not my intent. I guess my point is that I'm grateful for the tools I have been given that brought me to this place in life. I see so many people who weren't blessed with the self-confidence to go after what they want. It makes me want to sit down with them and show them that if I can do it, they can to. And then? You'd better be grateful for it. It means nothing if you don't appreciate it.

Maybe I ought to take my show on the road. I'll call it "You too, can be a Pollyanna." ::snort::

I'm setting up my new NAS (Network Attached Storage) and while doing so, taking the opportunity to clean out my computer.

You know... instead of doing what I REALLY should be doing- WORKING.

Anyhoo- coming across a few gems that are making me smile. I think this is a much better idea that working, because working doesn't make me smile NEARLY as much. OK, in truth, working doesn't make me smile at all on the weekends. Pffffth.

Sent to Heidi on 3/14/04- just over a month before the bearded eye-roller and I got married.

Back from Vancouver...with a few mushy thoughts. I hope you don't mind.

It seems that every time we do something together (trips, out to dinner, etc.) I always think, "this is the BEST time I've ever had." That's what I thought the last time, and the time before that. How is it possible that everything we do is better than the time before?

I just feel so lucky to have the opportunity to love and be loved like THIS.....day in and day out.

I never thought it was 'real' when I witnessed it in the lives of other people. I never believed in this kind of love, and I thought there was NO WAY it would happen for ME.

It did, and I highly suspect I'll be saying that until one of us buries the other, hopefully not anytime soon.

You know what's funny? I thought I was madly in love with BER then, but it's NOTHING compared to how I feel about him today. I have a feeling that tomorrow I'll love him even a little bit more than I do today, because that seems to be the trend.

It's nice to be reminded of the good stuff when I have my head buried in work. It helps me to maintain perspective.

Well, in theory anyway.