Mush

This not writing in my blog much thing is getting out of control! Especially when I don't post on Thanksgiving!

I didn't even call anyone on Thanksgiving. I hope I get a hall pass though, because BJ was sick and we laid very low this year.

It's not too late to write about the things I'm thankful for. In fact, I'm trying to do that every day on my GratitudeLog.

What a year this has been, eh? A wild ride, for sure.

The year started out pretty bleak. I knew I was getting laid off, I'd just broken several bones in my face just a couple of days prior and BJ lost his job. All in that order.

But that layoff turned into a wonderful new career, working for myself and BJ working for himself too. Sure, I've had a few moments of "what if this doesn't last?", but those moments are fleeting because of the nice nest egg we have in our savings thanks to the severance pay. I don't seem to have a problem getting new projects and clients, and I've not once marketed myself. It's all come from my reputation with people I'd worked with or for in the past as they've moved to new companies.

So, all those times that I whined about how hard I was working? I guess it was worth it.

BJ's business took off too. I mean really, what are the odds?

And my face? Well, the bones didn't heal properly, but you'd never know it by looking at me. Just how does that happen? I don't know- but I'm glad it did. When I watch shows like CSI, I think about what a medical examiner would think if they looked at my bones. Ha! It kind of makes me laugh a little.

This was also the year that Einstein came into our lives. What a little bundle of joy he is. BJ told me from the time we met that he NEVER wanted any pets whatsoever. But bless his heart, he saw how the year started out and decided that getting a dog would make me so happy- so he finally said yes. I never really pestered him, I just joked with him about it mainly. Even the day he said, "OK", it was a joke.

He told me he had to go out of town for a business trip (that, of course never happened since he lost his job too!), and I replied with a picture of a puggle and the words, "then I want one of these". I made sure he wasn't joking, because I couldn't believe he'd actually said "OK" to a puppy.

And now? Well, you couldn't pry Einstein away from BJ. He just loves that little guy and tells me all the time how much Einstein means to him. He even said that it's a good thing that we'll never get divorced because I'd have a fight on my hands in regard to custody of Einstein. Who knew? BJ is just as surprised as I am about what a great little companion Einstein is for him.

I knew back at the first of this year that things would turn around. As I've probably said a million times, things ALWAYS turn around. I just needed to watch carefully for the open doors. Open doors don't scare me. I suppose that comes from living for almost 50 years. I can clearly see things for what they are- - learning experiences. Some good, some bad. But there really is no such thing as a bad learning experience as long as you've learned something from it, right?

BJ came into my life at the exact right time. Those learning experiences have come fast and furious the past few years and I don't think I would have had the fortitude to face them without him by my side. I'm so glad that I overcame my fear of relationships and grabbed onto his hand. I can't think of anyone more perfect for me than BJ.

My sons are happy and have started living their own lives. I used to be afraid of that idea, because I made them such an important part of who I was. If anyone asked me to define myself, for many years I would have said "mother", and would have had a hard time thinking of anything else. Now I have many things that define me, but "mother" will always be at the top because of the beautiful souls that were given to me to raise. I'm thankful that they are happy in their new lives. I'm especially happy for the women they have chosen.

I became an aunt for the first time this year. It's so fun to see my baby sister as a mother. I love to see the capacity of love she has for that little baby. I love to see some of her features on his cute little face. Mostly, I love seeing my sister so happy.

I'm thankful for my family and especially thankful that my family doesn't bicker and quarrel. Life is so short and family is precious. Ranger Mike and I used to be 'mortal enemies', but you couldn't find two people closer than we are if you tried.

I'm also very thankful for all of YOU. If I didn't have this place to write down my feelings, my thoughts would just fester in my brain because I really do hate whining in real life. I'm not called Pollyanna for nothing! I felt stronger because you assured me that I was strong. That's been so important for me to 'hear'. I'm so glad that I'm now friends on Facebook with many of you because it allows me to take a peek into your lives and give back some of that support. Wow, I've made such good friends here. The amazing thing is that people who read my blog know me MUCH better than friends in real life (many of which do not even know that I have a blog.) I think that's because in real life, I try to focus on helping vs. receiving.

I may ignore my blog, but it's always here when I need to write. I don't think I'll ever give it up. I suspect that I'll become more active at some point, but right now I'm just living life and thankful for all that I have.

I love you honey, and can't believe my good fortune in meeting you. Even more, I can't imagine this journey without you next to me.

BJ is home, having a nap upstairs in our bed. He said that the bed felt like heaven, and I'm sure it did. I expect him to sleep for a good long time, so thought I'd catch everyone up. I'm adding lots of hyperlinks for his mom so she can read more about some of this stuff. She's out of the country and wanted to be here, but we told her that BJ is fine and we'd keep her updated.

::waves to BJ's mom::

The official diagnosis is atrial fibrillation. He's probably had this problem for quite a while, but it's progressively become worse. The first time he was aware of it was about three years ago, but his doctor didn't see anything on the stress test. It's my understanding that this is something he'll have for the rest of his life but it can be controlled with medication.

The cardiologist at the hospital ran lots and lots of tests on him to make sure that this episode didn't cause permanent damage. We were thankful to hear that his heart is fine except for the AF.

He's now taking more medication than I am. I never thought I'd see that happen because he's a pretty darned healthy guy.

He's taking four prescription meds and one baby aspirin every day for presumably the rest of his life. I'm not going to give the names of the drugs, just because the poor guy should have SOME privacy (heh)... but here's what each one does:

• Drug 1 lowers his blood pressure


• Drug 2 decreases the electrical impulses to the AV node


• Drug 3 controls heart rhythm disorders


• Drug 4 is a blood thinner.

He'll need to get a blood test every day until drug 4 gets his INR levels where they want them to be. After that, he'll be tested regularly (don't know how regular yet) to ensure that his levels remain OK.

He's also been told that he needs to give up a few of his vices (smoking, coffee, alcohol), which he said is a small price to pay. I agree. Thankfully, the only vice we had in common was coffee- so I won't be doing stuff that will be tempting to him.

He has an appointment with his regular doctor on Tuesday and we'll be looking for a cardiologist that is affiliated with the hospital he was in, since this is a permanent heart condition. The ER doc had a recommendation and we'll look to see if he's covered by our health insurance. BJ *LOVES* that hospital and I do too. I went there for one of my surgeries and it was also a really good experience. I might just have to follow his suit and go to that ER (rather than ER from hell) if there's a next time for me.

He's been told that if he has these symptoms again, CALL 911. Do not even think about it- just go. AF puts him at risk for a stroke or heart failure, mainly due to blood pooling in the top chamber of his heart. This causes the blood to coagulate and possibly clot; going either to his lungs or brain.

Eventually, he might need to have a pacemaker or other device to regulate his heart if the meds don't control this.

I told him today that I'm glad that it didn't take something like this to show me how much I loved him. I already knew how much I love him- and so did he. There is no doubt in his mind that I love him as much as anyone can love another person. He is so precious to me and I'm thankful that he got such good medical care. I'll be forever grateful that we have medical insurance enabling us to get the best treatment possible for him. I'm thankful that I have such supportive managers that have told me very sincerely to 'let work go' and concentrate on my family. I'm also SO thankful that we have such supportive friends (including YOU) and family that have been praying and sending healing thoughts his way. I am a firm believer that this went hand in hand with the doctors in helping my sweet husband recover.

He's probably going to need surgery in the next few days- one to remove his wife from his body. I just can't stop hugging and kissing him. Well I guess that's nothing new. Just call me velcro wife.

Thank you again from both of us for all of the comforting comments and email. We're both so grateful for all of the support we've received. I wish I could hug you all.

OK, first things first. I'm alive and well.

Second things second, the wedding was absolutely lovely and perfect. Everyone (especially Jessica) looked beautiful.

Third things third, family and friends- I know you're chomping at the bit for details and pictures. I hope to have that done by tomorrow night. I'm busy editing over 1000 photos, over twenty videos, and trying to put a hardbound book of the wedding together for the newlyweds. I also want to put together a really cool video of bits and pieces of the wedding pictures and videos; all of which before they come back from their honeymoon.

Lastly, I just want to say that I'm so darned proud of the job Jessica did. That girl knows how to organize. Casey did very well.

I'll leave you with the toast that Cameron gave, because he couldn't have said it any better. I asked him to give me his notes so I could put it in their wedding book:

I would like to start by thanking everyone who helped with the wedding.

What an amazing day....

For me, it's a little strange. I'm gaining a sister and nephew, but I feel like I'm losing my brother. It's such a mix of emotions. Happiness, joy.... (big pause) relief. In all seriousness, I know I'm not losing Casey but it is wild to think of my brother as a married man and a father.

Oh how things have changed. It seems like only yesterday we were convinced that there was no one person in this world that we despised more than each other. We probably drove our parents crazy. But now Casey is my best friend and I would do anything for him. Who could have imagined.

Jessica, I can't think of any one who is more perfect for Casey than you. For starters, he eats real food now. Not just hot dogs and pizza. You bring balance to Casey's life. You seem to always be prepared for everything from dinner to camping. All the details are handled but you are never stressed out.

I've never seen Casey happier. As his brother, I can see that he was meant for this role as husband to Jessica and father to Riley.

So, the three of you we toast.

Congratulations and the best of wishes in your lives together.

Welcome to our crazy family Jessica and Riley. If I may be so bold, it looks like you two fit right in


I can't imagine our lives without the two of you, and I'm positive that Casey's life is enriched because of this union of families.

Congratulations Jessica, Casey and Riley!

Tomorrow is your birthday as well as Dad's birthday. Too bad you held out for the 7th, because it would have been awfully cool to say you were born on 6-6-66. A day late, and a dollar short, eh?

Even worse, having to share a birthday with your dad? Wow. Well, I guess we can call you the gift that keeps on giving, right?

JP, I don't talk about you much on my blog, but it's not due to a lack of love. Like my other siblings, you are very special to me and I celebrate the day you came into this world.

I don't remember much about when you were born, because I was only six. I think my memories with you start about the time you were three or four. One memory I'd like to erase is the one where I broke your little leg playing *cannon ball shooter with you. You used to love it, but I don't remember you asking me to do it anymore after that.

*For the uninformed, cannon ball shooter was me laying on my back, propping my brother on my feet and shooting him into the air. Kids, don't try this at home.

It's so easy to make you laugh, and that's fun for me. I love to tease you just so I can hear you laugh and say, "oh Lori...". One of the things I treasure about you is your laugh. There's a guy in my department at work that has a laugh just like yours and it makes me smile and think about you every time he laughs. Lucky for me, he laughs a lot.

You've been through an awful lot in your life, yet you don't complain. I could learn a lot from you, little brother. The very tip-top place in heaven? You'll be there, and there is no doubt in my mind about that, nor anyone else's mind who knows you.

I love the rare times when you and I get to talk alone. I love it when you share things with me in confidence and I'm honored that you trust me with those things. I love it that you're willing to try new things. Remember when we had the "eat weird things" day? I do. I still have the picture of me with a mini octopus hanging out of my mouth. I'm glad someone else appreciates the weird things in this world. Too bad you live so far away, we could do that on a regular basis because there are lots of weird things to eat. Did I ever tell you that I ate donkey in Italy? I thought about you when I ate it because I knew it would make you laugh.

I have a memory that I think about from time to time. It was right after your brain surgery, which caused you to have complete amnesia. I remember the first time I saw you after the surgery and the way you looked at me. It was if you were looking through me. I was used to seeing a sparkle in your eye when I'd walk in the room and that sparkle was missing that day because you didn't know who I was. I can't even begin to describe what that felt like. It felt really empty. I can't even imagine what that was like for you.

I can't believe that my 'little' brother is 42 years old. That's just craziness.

Happy birthday Joel. I love you.