The bearded eye-roller

BJ and I are favoring different candidates for the presidential election. I'm not going to say who is for McCain and who is for Obama because I don't want to start some sort of ruckus here on my blog. We'll just say that unless one of us changes our mind, we'll be canceling each other out and nobody needs to worry about our household being the one vote that toppled the whole thing over. (Yes, I know- one vote will not make a difference...)

Apparently the man has been doing some reading during the night because I came downstairs to find PROPAGANDA about my candidate.

Does he think that he's going to change my mind? If so, then I think some of these new drugs in his system have made him coo coo for cocoa puffs.

We have VERY different spiritual views and have managed to be respectful about it. This is the first time that we've not agreed on something political so it's going to be an interesting time for us. Maybe I oughta take his political propaganda and trade him for some spiritual propaganda (which, by the way, is WAY more important than politics in my opinion.)

For those that want daily updates on HRH, he's doing great. He's been able to sleep through the night since coming home from the hospital. He hasn't been able to sleep through the night in MONTHS. He's beside himself with happiness (me too!) He's getting bored, which is no big surprise. He's a whole lot like me. Did I tell you that he was actually working in ICU? We both need our heads examined, but our employers sure like us.

BJ is home, having a nap upstairs in our bed. He said that the bed felt like heaven, and I'm sure it did. I expect him to sleep for a good long time, so thought I'd catch everyone up. I'm adding lots of hyperlinks for his mom so she can read more about some of this stuff. She's out of the country and wanted to be here, but we told her that BJ is fine and we'd keep her updated.

::waves to BJ's mom::

The official diagnosis is atrial fibrillation. He's probably had this problem for quite a while, but it's progressively become worse. The first time he was aware of it was about three years ago, but his doctor didn't see anything on the stress test. It's my understanding that this is something he'll have for the rest of his life but it can be controlled with medication.

The cardiologist at the hospital ran lots and lots of tests on him to make sure that this episode didn't cause permanent damage. We were thankful to hear that his heart is fine except for the AF.

He's now taking more medication than I am. I never thought I'd see that happen because he's a pretty darned healthy guy.

He's taking four prescription meds and one baby aspirin every day for presumably the rest of his life. I'm not going to give the names of the drugs, just because the poor guy should have SOME privacy (heh)... but here's what each one does:

• Drug 1 lowers his blood pressure


• Drug 2 decreases the electrical impulses to the AV node


• Drug 3 controls heart rhythm disorders


• Drug 4 is a blood thinner.

He'll need to get a blood test every day until drug 4 gets his INR levels where they want them to be. After that, he'll be tested regularly (don't know how regular yet) to ensure that his levels remain OK.

He's also been told that he needs to give up a few of his vices (smoking, coffee, alcohol), which he said is a small price to pay. I agree. Thankfully, the only vice we had in common was coffee- so I won't be doing stuff that will be tempting to him.

He has an appointment with his regular doctor on Tuesday and we'll be looking for a cardiologist that is affiliated with the hospital he was in, since this is a permanent heart condition. The ER doc had a recommendation and we'll look to see if he's covered by our health insurance. BJ *LOVES* that hospital and I do too. I went there for one of my surgeries and it was also a really good experience. I might just have to follow his suit and go to that ER (rather than ER from hell) if there's a next time for me.

He's been told that if he has these symptoms again, CALL 911. Do not even think about it- just go. AF puts him at risk for a stroke or heart failure, mainly due to blood pooling in the top chamber of his heart. This causes the blood to coagulate and possibly clot; going either to his lungs or brain.

Eventually, he might need to have a pacemaker or other device to regulate his heart if the meds don't control this.

I told him today that I'm glad that it didn't take something like this to show me how much I loved him. I already knew how much I love him- and so did he. There is no doubt in his mind that I love him as much as anyone can love another person. He is so precious to me and I'm thankful that he got such good medical care. I'll be forever grateful that we have medical insurance enabling us to get the best treatment possible for him. I'm thankful that I have such supportive managers that have told me very sincerely to 'let work go' and concentrate on my family. I'm also SO thankful that we have such supportive friends (including YOU) and family that have been praying and sending healing thoughts his way. I am a firm believer that this went hand in hand with the doctors in helping my sweet husband recover.

He's probably going to need surgery in the next few days- one to remove his wife from his body. I just can't stop hugging and kissing him. Well I guess that's nothing new. Just call me velcro wife.

Thank you again from both of us for all of the comforting comments and email. We're both so grateful for all of the support we've received. I wish I could hug you all.

The cardiologist decided that they wanted to keep BJ one more day, so he didn't get to come home today as planned. It's almost a sure thing that he'll be leaving the hospital tomorrow. At least that's how it looked when I left.

I was feeling pretty gross and, I'll admit it, worn out by the end of the day today. I think the adrenaline is leaving my body and now I'm starting to feel the punishment of the uncomfortable chairs and my sleeping position the last two nights. We won't even go into the worry and stress we've been under since Sunday morning. Today was the first day that I really knew for sure that BJ was going to be OK. He's himself today and that makes me tremendously happy.

We had to learn how to give him shots today until the drugs he's prescribed are at their ultimate level. It sounds like he's going to be taking almost as many drugs as me. From what I can count, he's going to be on four different drugs- presumably for life.

I knew we'd grow old together- I just didn't think it would be this soon.

BJ insisted that I go home and sleep tonight, maybe less out of feeling sorry for me and more that he wanted to sleep without worrying about me wandering the halls naked or something. You never know what I'm going to do on my nightly cocktail of drugs.

So, I'm home. I immediately hit the shower and boy did THAT feel good. Now I'm kind of sitting back and revisiting the past few days. WHAT.A.RIDE. this has been.

My kids taught me something today. They taught me that they're here to support us, just as much as we're here to support them. I have this habit of waiting until there's good news before I give the bad news to people. Of course, if I knew there would never be good news, then I'd share the bad. Jess (my daughter-in-law) told me that I need to call them whenever anything happens, no matter how small and she's speaking for all of them (my sons and the wonderful women they're with). She's right. I'd certainly want to support any one of them if something happened, no matter how small. What happened to BJ is not small and I didn't share that information directly.

I truly need to learn to allow other people in with the bad as well as the good. Thank you Jess you are 100% right, and I'm going to try to break my bad habits.

I came home to see flowers on our doorstep to BJ "from your family". I know exactly who that is. Cameron, Kathy, Casey, Jessica and Riley? I have a feeling that when BJ sees that card with the words, "your family"- he's going to get teary-eyed. "We" have the best kids (all of them) anybody could ever imagine.

In fact? We have the best LIFE I could ever imagine. This could have been so much worse, but he's going to be OK and that's all that matters.

I've shared all of your words of support with BJ and y'all have literally brought tears to that sweet man's eyes. Thank you so much for your support. I think now he's beginning to understand why I feel so close to my little community.

From what I can tell, BJ's heart is finally regulated**. It seemed that way when I woke up this morning. He's no longer having problems with beathlessness and his heart rate is not swinging from 70's to 160. I'm done playing doctor because they've placed him on a portable that transmits somewhere other than his room. I can't watch the pulse, BP or oxygen levels anymore. Meh. I was really getting fixated, so it's probably a good thing.

I've slept sitting up in a chair for the past two nights and believe it or not, my back is NOT killing me. That's not to say that I'm not looking forward to my own bed. I'm just glad that they let me stay with him all night. There's no way they'd get me to leave his side, maybe that was apparent.

The first "sleepover" comes with a funny story. One that I find so endearing and sure tells me that no matter what- that man I married is always looking out for me.

So, y'all know the drugs I'm on at night- right? Well, I took them before knowing we'd be going to the ER. I probably would have opted not to take them otherwise. Here's this man, hooked up to wires, scared out of his wits and he's STILL looking out for me. Apparently I was very active, trying to walk off many times during the night. I guess he convinced me to get in bed with him so he could hold on to me to keep me from wandering off. Every time I'd try to get out off the gurney, he'd hold tighter and talk me out of it.

Is that the sweetest thing you've ever heard? That man I married is selfless. If it were me, I'd let him wander off (kidding).

He's doing a physical stress test right now- walking on an inclined treadmill while they measure his heart and BP. They also shot some radioactive stuff in him, I'm assuming to do an ultrasound of some kind.

I *think* this is the last of the tests. That's what they told us yesterday anyway.

I'll try and answer everyone personally once BJ is asleep- but just wanted to know that BJ appreciates every single one of your comments. Of course, I do too. Thanks from the bottom of my heart.

** Oops I lied. Apparently he's still in "A-fib" but his heart rate is no longer going between 70 and 160.

BJ and I have seen our share of hospitals and emergency rooms. It's all been with me as the patient and BJ the comforting spouse. Today? The shoe was on the other foot. Today was the scariest day I think I've ever had in my life and I saw things flashing before me that I did not care to see.

I woke up late this morning, as I often do on the weekend, to find BJ breathing 'strangely'. It was clear that he couldn't catch his breath. Apparently this had gone on since 2am and his heart was 'doing funny things' (his description.)

He's had the heart thing happen before. It races, and slows down and generally it goes away after a couple of hours. His doctor gave him a heart stress test and he passed with flying colors, so BJ took that to mean that the 'funny' stuff meant that it was all in his head (or something... I really don't know WHAT he thought). I thought it was panic attacks because that's what happens to me when I get panic attacks.

This is the first time I have seen it go so long and the first time he had the breathing problem so I told him that he needed to be seen today. He said that it would get better just give it time. This back and forth went on for two hours until finally I told him that I was NOT going to let up on him until he'd agree to go to the ER. I can be awfully annoying when I want to be. True that.

Off we went (he insisted on driving, the dope) and he kept saying that he was going to be embarrassed because they'd tell him, "yeah, so what- you have a weird heartbeat and you can't breath... now go home and get out of our face." I told him, "THIS ISN'T NORMAL. THEY'RE NOT GOING TO LET YOU GO HOME UNTIL THEY FIGURE IT OUT."

(OK, I wasn't yelling, but I was FIRM).

We got there and the guy checking him in turned around to the gal in triage and said, "we need to get this guy a room, NOW" after monitoring his heart. It was then, that everything started to cave in on me because I know they don't bump you right into the room unless it's something serious. Remember my head injury? I waited for three hours and was having seizures. *I* wasn't bumped into a room.

As we waited, he made a phone call and quietly said that they'd need to hook him up to an EEG immediately.

Tears started welling up in my eyes as I followed the nurse wheeling him to the room, but I forced myself to remain calm because I didn't want to scare BJ. Some of the 'tricks' I learned as a hospice volunteer come in really handy sometimes. There were no rooms available right then, so they put him on a gurney, hooked him up to heart monitors, oxygen and put in an IV right there in the hallway. This was the first IV he's ever had, can you believe it?

Finally they pulled someone OUT of her room and put her in a hall and moved BJ to a private room. The lady whose room we took was not a happy camper about it.

In the room I was able to watch his heart go from 160, down to 80, up to 120, down to 90... up and down CONSTANTLY.

During this time, I kept going back in my head to something that happened about four days ago. I was sitting on the couch and looked over at BJ as he was standing in the kitchen. I was overcome with a horrible feeling of dread when I looked at him and (I swear this is the absolute truth) I thought to myself, "what if BJ has a heart attack? Does he know how much I love him? How would I ever live without him?". I asked him to come sit by me on the couch and without telling him what brought it on, I said, "Do you have any idea how loved you are?" He said yes, and then I said, "I want to make sure that you know absolutely without a doubt that nobody could be more loved than you are right at this moment."

He asked what brought it on and I told him that I felt it important at that moment for me to tell him that I never want him or me to leave this earth without him knowing how truly loved he is.

Just the idea that I was thinking those things only four days ago made all of this even scarier to me. I've always been more intuitive than most and sometimes that's been a curse because I'm never quite sure if I'm be intuitive or just being paranoid.

No less than five people; from the guy checking BJ in, the nurses, and the doctor told BJ that it was a good thing he listened to me because what was happening to him could lead to a heart attack if left untreated.

They gave him some drugs to slow his heart rate down and finally got it so it was bouncing around between 70 and 120. The ER doc told BJ that he has something called atrial fibrillation which is something about the electrical workings of his heart. It has nothing to do with heart disease, but could lead to it.

After another dose of the drugs to slow his heart, the ER doctor could see that BJ's heart wasn't going into a normal rhythm so said that there were three things they could do.
1. Put him on blood thinners so the chances of him throwing a clot would be less
2. Put him on pill form of the stuff they were giving him intravenously
3. Put him out and jump his heart with a defibrillator.

He said that he'd choose number 3 because it was a sure thing, but he was going to consult a cardiologist. I can't even begin to tell you the ugly images I had in my head when I thought about option number 3.

After consulting with a cardiologist, they opted for number 2- with a follow up visit to the cardiologist within 2 days. The ER doc then showed BJ how to take his own pulse and said that he wants him to watch himself closely and come back to the ER if it gets worse again.

I'm buying BJ a heart monitor tomorrow.

In the middle of writing all of this, I was finally able to release my emotions and it felt really good.

I love that man more than I could have ever imagined and I'll *NEVER* let him talk me out of making him go to the ER. You can bet on it.