The bearded eye-roller

...or am I? Since I now work for myself, am I unemployed because I'm not working? Confused? Yeah, me too.

My last day at work was the 29th of January (last Thursday). It was a surreal experience, to say the least. It still is. I think the most strange part about that day was when I turned in my laptop. There were three full days to turn in laptops to one conference room. I think there were 1500 of us being laid off that day, and so the line was long. There I was in line with many other people holding our laptops waiting our turn to give them up. We all knew that everyone in line was losing their job that day and the looks on all the faces could only be described as blank. Nobody was talking, nobody was looking at each other.

I was kind of a jerk and left the office quietly without saying goodbye except for the four co-workers I went to lunch with. I knew that saying goodbye would just make me cry, so I avoided it.

BJ's still job hunting. Nobody's biting yet. We're going together to a job fair on Wednesday, so maybe that will help. I don't plan to get a real job- just want to consult, but still there might be some good opportunities for meeting potential clients there.

OOOhhhh that reminds me- I need to make a hair appointment. Yikes is all I'm going to say about that.

Michael, my brother, told me that I'm no longer allowed to talk about Einstein's potty habits on my blog. I'll stop after this- he's now trained to ring a bell hanging on the door when he wants to go outside. Half of the time it's because he wants to play outside, but he always 'goes' when he's out. OK, no more potty talk. Sorry, bro'.

I guess I'd better start putting together my new business site so I can say I'm employed, eh? Man, my new employer is awfully pushy. Can't a girl take a break?

BJ found out this morning that the manager who let him go decided that he wanted to move here and has taken BJ's job. NOW everything makes complete sense. I think this makes BJ feel a little better about the situation because he was really questioning himself. If you were to see his recommendations on Linked In, you'd think he walked on water and he has no business questioning himself. His reputation speaks for itself.

The way he handled this news also reinforces how alike we are. He said that he's not angry with his previous manager about being let go so his manager could take his place. He understands that there really *IS* something out there better for him and he's not going to dwell on the negative.

Who married the right guy? Yup, that'd be me.

In head-bonking news, I've decided it's time to get to the bottom of this fainting stuff. Especially since I've had many "almost" episodes every day. As I've mentioned before, my regular doctor is on maternity leave until the Spring- so I made an appointment with one of her associates. Last time my doctor and I talked about this, I got the "well, some people are fainters- it appears that you're one of them" and a hand out about fainting.

With the amount of damage I've done to myself over the years, and how it's really stepped up in the past two years, I want something done about it. I hate the idea of taking even more meds, but I'll do it if it will keep me from taking another dive.

My appointment is at 3:30 today, so I'll let y'all know how that goes.

We've always thought of our home equity line of credit (HELOC) as something we could fall back on "if", so we've been paying it down like mad since we bought the house. Started off at 45,000.00 balance and now we're down to 10,000 plus change since we bought the place in Feb 2006. Not too shabby.

We found out yesterday that we're going to have to pay excise tax on something that we thought was taken care of last year. I think it's going to be somewhere between 10 and 20 thousand. Maybe more. I told BJ that, considering our circumstances, maybe we should use the HELOC to pay this tax, since the interest rate is so low and the payments would be low.

We called the company that owns the HELOC and they said that our available credit is ZERO. ZIP. NADA. They said that they've frozen most HELOCs due to the economy and the declining home value.

I decided that I needed more depressing news, so I went to zillow.com to see what our house value is. Here's the graph:


NICE! We've lost about 100k in value! Thankfully, we're not upside-down between the value and what we owe.

On the thankful front, between my bonus (of which I found out today is based on the top performance rating- go me!), my vacation pay out and my severance pay, I'll be getting just 300.00 shy of a year's salary on my birthday (the end of this month).

Even more thankful, I have a sweet little boy who doesn't mind his mama kissing and holding him all the time. Maybe I should have called him George. <- that there is a Daffy Duck cartoon reference.

He even puts up with me trying to change his sleeping schedule.



And most thankful that BJ and I have now spent 8 days together in the house 24/7 (except for errands) and we haven't tried to stab each other with a fork.

Yup, I still have a very thankful and hopeful attitude.

Einstein still hasn't quite acquired a taste for sleeping in the pen at night, but every night there is less and less crying. Poor baby, I feel so bad because he sounds so sad but I know that this will pass, especially if I don't give in. We are trying to keep the alone time to a minimum, so BJ goes to bed about 8:30 and up at 5am and I go to bed at midnight and up about 8. So, he's only alone for 5 hours at a stretch. I keep the TV on to the weather channel because it has music and some talking- plus a little light.

He's mastered fetch and sit. His treat of choice is cheese. What a coinkidink- so is mine! No worries- I'm not giving him much.

The thing that I find the most funny is that he asks to be on the couch, which is OK. We'll teach him to ask, not just assume. He loves to lay between the two of us and if he gets tired of being petted or annoyed that we're talking, he'll want down and will go get into his crate. He's all about boundaries and lets me know if I'm giving him a bit too much loving.

He's doing SO great with the potty training, which pleases me to no end. It doesn't mean he gets free reign of the house though and he's never out of my or BJ's sight. One day I'll trust him but he's only 7 weeks old.

Last night I started feeling guilty about having a puppy. I know without a doubt that BJ didn't really want a puppy; he got it because it's been a rough year and he knew how happy it would make me. I told him that I never want him to think that my happiness is more important than his. I can't believe the things I get feeling guilty about, ya know? He said that me feeling bad takes all the fun out of it for him and defeats the whole purpose. He's right. As usual.

Here's more puppy cuteness:

We interrupt this "Einstein wears me out" sleep to bring you updates.

Me: The swelling in my face is gone as far as I can tell and I have such little bruising now that I feel comfortable going out in public- which is highly necessary because now my hair looks like white trash. The pain in my face comes and goes, but is manageable for the most part. In the past week, I've taken 3 pain pills at the most. This not chewing business is the pits. I hate to even post this because I'm going to get a 'what for', but I can't really dig up any sort of desire to eat the stuff I can eat anymore. The blending, the lack of variety- it's all so tedious. Of course, that's making me really 'fainty' all day long, even after I've walked around for a while, and that's not something I need right now. I guess I've pinpointed for sure where the fainting comes in- it's either due to not having enough calories or perhaps it's some sort of hypoglycemic issue. Just something to talk to my doctor about when she's back from maternity leave.

I'm not job hunting/gig searching in earnest yet. I go in spurts. Maybe it's the safety of still be employed through January 29th. (very stupid reason but the best I can come up with right now. If I were to be truthful with myself, I’d have to admit that I’m burned out.)

Einstein: One accident in two days. WOWEE! Today is his 7 week birthday and he's doing very well on the training. I've caved in to my own personal need for sleep and bought a really big cage (with a top) that his little crate, a wee wee pad, and a play area fit in. I wait until his last potty and burst of energy of the night and put him in there at about midnight, 1am. Yup, he hollers his little head off, but stops and sleeps for a couple hours before starting all over with the poor pitiful me routine. BJ is wearing earplugs and I'm sleeping right through it. (go drugs!). He's not traumatized by the cage, because he'll go in it to get a drink of water and sometimes piddle during the day (on the wee wee pad in the cage), so I'm comfortable in him getting used to it without fear that I'm scarring him for life. Crate training is going great too. He'll lay in there to sleep and will even go in there to play and stay with the door open.

He's mastered fetch and is today learning "sit". He's sort of getting it, but usually just parks his little butt for only a spit second. I'll have to teach him to sit and wait for it. He really is a great little puppy except for when he gets overstimulated. Then he goes to crazy town. I'm starting to put him in time out (less than two minutes) in his crate when he does that because he really goes CRAZY. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde crazy. That always works.

I'm planning to clean the floors today and thought I'd pull out my Roomba. That ought to make for some fun video, eh?

BJ: No job yet, but it's not for lack of networking and applying for jobs. He is very well known in his industry and has had a lot of people call him telling him just what they thought of the rotten deal he got. Apparently word gets around. He has lots of eyes out looking for a job for him. He's decided that the Cadillac was a bad idea, so we're trying to sell it on Craigs List. If we do, we do. If we don't, we don't. Maybe I'm on too many mood-leveling drugs because I'm feeling awfully nonchalant about this. Or is it my faith that everything always works out. Whichever it is, shouldn't I be feeling a little freaked out?

While writing this post, I made some grits (eating them now)- took Einstein outside for walkees and am now running the Roomba. I think he'll need to be a little older before he'll think it's fun. Right now, he's glued to my side and want's nothing to do with it.