The bearded eye-roller

It'll be fun to see what url I get out of that title.

The bearded eye-roller has been doing some home improvement. Anybody that knows him in 3d, would probably faint at the suggestion because he's not a do-it-your-selfer. Not in the least.

We have three big renovations we'd like to do to the house. In order (based on cost- not need, obviously):

1. Wine room


2. Cover the upstairs deck and turn it into an exercise room, which will allow us to turn the old exercise room into a third guest bedroom


3. Completely re-do the master bath

The wine room is adjacent to our laundry area and is perfect for what BER has in mind. Part of it is in a closed closet (the actual wine room) where the wine racks (and wine) go. Right outside of the wine room is an area with a very large window that goes out to our back patio (where BER envisions serving wine at parties).

So far, he's ordered the racks and they're sitting in our garage waiting to be installed; he's painted the wine room and the serving area; and he's purchased a fabulous piece of antique furniture from China.

I'm awfully impressed with his mad painting skillz. He did a faux finish, using three different colors so it gives it a Tuscan look.

Today is the fun day (NOT). He's going to lay down the laminate tile. It looks like real tile until you touch it. It's laid like Pergo- something I'm VERY familiar with since I installed Pergo myself throughout the upstairs and downstairs of my last house- all together about 2000 square feet of the stuff.

I'll take pictures once it's done, if for no other reason than to prove that BER really CAN do home improvement projects himself.

I hope he understands that now I see he can do these sorts of things, his 'honey do' list just got a LOT longer.

My in real life friends have already heard this story because, dang- it's too funny to keep to myself. Since I'm now caught up with most everyone, I'll take the time to share with you the new stuff I've been doing since the second head bonk.

You may (or may not) recall that after hitting my head the first time, I was grinding my teeth and clenching my jaw 24/7. It was horrible because it made my jaw ache and gave me headaches. Not to mention the issues with my teeth. If you look closely to my bottom front teeth, you can see where I've totally sheered (is that a correct word?) them. I also broke a tooth in the process- the one that seemed to be my favorite to grind. Oh, and I've loosened one of my front teeth so badly that I'm going to have to have it removed and a bridge placed.

I mention this because after I hit my head the second time- the grinding and clenching completely stopped. It's almost like hitting my head made that part of my brain right again. Weird, but true.

Another affect from the second bonk was that the seroquel quit working. I was walking, talking and doing all kinds of crazy things in my sleep, and I'd wake myself up all night long. So my neurologist upped the dose to 75 mg which did nothing, and then to 100 mg, which seemed to do the trick.

EXCEPT..... it acts like a roofie (as I understand roofies) if I'm not safely tucked in bed by the time it hits. Basically, I can function fairly normally, but my subconscious is completely shut off.

Case in point.....

Last Tuesday was a very bad day for me at work. I was in tears toward the end of the day because someone I admired a lot was saying that something I worked on was a "piece of crap" and more ugliness. What I didn't know at the time was that he wasn't referring to my piece of the project.

I just wanted to go to sleep so I would quit crying and obsessing about it, so I took the seroquel while BER was outside cooking chicken on the grill. Chicken takes a long time to cook on the grill, so by the time it was done- I was in La-La zone.

The next morning, BER drove me to the train station because the roads were really icy and I was a chicken. I noticed that he looked pretty haggard and asked him if he had a rough night or something. Here's how the rest of the conversation went.

BER: Honey, don't you remember that we were up until after midnight last night?
Me: We were? Why were we up so late? I don't remember anything about last night.
BER: You wouldn't go to bed. You were arguing with me, saying that you liked the couch just fine. There was no way I was going to leave you alone.
Me: Come to think of it, I don't remember eating dinner last night. Did we eat dinner?
BER: Yes, we ate dinner and you even made the salad. You don't remember this?
Me: I don't remember any of this. Did I clean the kitchen?
BER: Yes, you cleaned the kitchen. There's something else....
Me: Waaaiiittt a minute- I recall having a dream that I was smoking. Was that real?
BER: Yes. I was outside having a cigarette and you insisted that you wanted to smoke. I tried to tell you no, but you were getting angry about it.

Note- I don't smoke

So, there you have it. Apparently, my subconscious is a bratty rebellious teenager. I think this whole thing is hilarious and quite fascinating. BER said that he could tell that it wasn't 'me' he was talking to because I seemed a little out of it- but still was able to function pretty normally.

Isn't that the most bizarre thing you've ever heard? Poor BER, he deserves a medal for putting up with me and all this craziness.

He doesn't believe in heaven. Won't he be surprised to find himself there for being such a sweet man.

• I'm going to start calling the bearded eye-roller "velcro man" because he won't leave my side at night. Bless his sweet, sweet heart. Last night he fell asleep while we were watching TV. I was wide awake (pain meds do that to me) and wasn't ready to go to bed (could it be because the season premiere of American Idol was on?) I told him to go to bed where he'd be more comfortable. Nope- he wanted to sleep sitting up on the couch until I was ready to go to bed. Gah- the sweetness of that man just never ends.


• I called my neurologist's office and her assistant told me that there's nothing the neurologist can do for me unless I exhibit new symptoms. I'm not noticing anything different- but then again, the weirdness didn't start up right away after the last time I bonked my head. I'll reserve judgment on whether this will cause further damage, and I'll hope for the best.


• I went to my regular doctor's office. She doesn't think my wrist is broken either- but said to wear the brace for a week or so and if it still hurts, she'll re-examine it. She told me to put heat on my neck. I told her that the ER doc specifically said NOT to put heat on my neck. She just rolled her eyes and said that he was wrong. I love it when doctors disagree with each other- don't you? I'm just glad she gave me more muscle relaxers for my neck.
  
  I'm now sporting a lavender-scented buckwheat neck wrap. It's delightful.


• My manager said that I could work from home all week instead of going into the office. I took Monday off because I was still heavily medicated and who knows what kind of work I would have turned out. Other than that, I've been churning out the work. I have to take the wrist brace off to type though. What a pain in the patoot wrist.


• The staples come out of my head on Friday. Of course, that's the day that I said I'd come into the office for meetings that I didn't want to miss. The rest of the conversation went something like this:
  

  Me: Oh- I have to go downtown on Friday, can we do this on Thursday?
  Dr.: No, that's too soon
  Me: Are you open on the weekend?
  Dr: No
  Me: OK, how about Monday then?
  Dr: No, that's too long. You could get an infection.

  
  So, Friday it is I guess. Now I need to work out the logistics of being in the office and being home by 4pm to get the staples out. The ER gave me a staple remover, saying that most dr's offices don't have one. Maybe I should just do it myself. ::KIDDING:: sorta...


• I ruined my sheep jammies that Heidi gave me. I have no idea what I was dreaming about at the time, but for some reason, I had to take off my PJ top and thought it was held together by snaps. I pulled and pulled (and remember getting very mad and frustrated that they wouldn't unsnap) until finally they came apart. The next morning, I woke up with ripped PJ's and buttons all over my bed. Hmmm.....


• Still can't turn my head much, and now that the pain from the major boo-boo's is less, other boo-boo's are starting to make their presence known. I'm a mess. I really REALLY think I'm ready for the glue factory. BER refuses to drive me there though. Maybe I'll take a taxi.
  

  Taxi driver: Where you headed Ma'am (or preferably "m'lady" since that word always cracks me up.)
  Me: Glue factory- STAT



• Thank you EVERYONE for giving me permission to not feel guilty about being incommunicado. It means the world to me that you understand that my lack of communication has nothing to do with how I feel about you. You are all so supportive, and I truly thank you for that. I am positive that I'll be back to the old me (well maybe not the old-old me, but at least the me that likes to connect with people.

....was no more hospitals, no more E.R.

Maybe I should have made an easier resolution for myself, like lose 100 lbs in 10 days. I think I could have kept that one much easier than no hospitals.

I fainted again Friday night, and was unconscious for who knows how long. I remember looking at the clock when I got up to use the bathroom- it was 2 a.m. on the dot, and when I looked at the clock after BER helped me to the living room- it was 2:40. I woke up in a pool of blood on the floor and in a lot of pain. Again, the loud thud woke up the bearded eye-roller, and I'm sure the sight of me laying in a growing puddle of blood was not a nice sight for him.

I knew that this wasn't going to be one of those "wait until morning and see how I feel" things. I simply said, "we need to go to the E.R. right now". I realize I said that I'd never go to the ER we went to last time I bonked my head, but I knew they had my records there and my neurologist is associated with that hospital.

We got in fairly quickly, actually. Maybe it was the open head wound and they didn't want me leaving a trail of blood for them to clean up.

Since I seem to have landed directly on top of my head (how? HOW did I manage to do that), it did something to my neck and right shoulder. I can't move my head more than 2 inches in any direction. Yay for muscle relaxants!

They did a CT scan on my head and neck and an x-ray on my wrist. Nothing was broken- although I don't believe that about the wrist- I believe I *DID* break something in that wrist or arm and will go have that checked again.

Today, I'm starting to show bruising on my forehead- so who knows what THATs about.

I didn't realize the gash on my head was so big. Apparently it's 4 inches long, and I'm now sporting 7 staples on top of my head. Even with pain meds via IV and the numbing shot in my head- I felt all of those staples going in. Twice, even. He first put in staples that he decided were too big, so took those out and then put in the smaller staples.

Here's a fun fact: the sound of stapling paper and stapling a head sounds exactly the same.
Here's another one: KY jelly is good for cleaning up blood-matted hair. Who knew?

So, there we have it. I hope the neurologist is wrong about the cumulative effect of a new head bonk ofter a TBI diagnosis.

I've been off this blog (and yours) because I haven't been psychologically able to communicate with anyone. I've not answered email from all of my wonderful friends (that'd be you guys), haven't picked up the phone, etc. I haven't even talked to my best friend in the whole world- Heidi, since Christmas Eve until yesterday. The guilt over all of that is worse than the guilt I was feeling about only having whiney things to say. I got tired of hearing myself whine, and I'm pretty sure everyone else is too.

I went to lunch with one of my favorite people (I love you PDB!) on Thursday and she gave me lots of good advice about giving myself permission to not feel guilty over these things and that my friends would understand. I'm trying really hard to believe that. I'm just a mess. Meh.

So, with that said, you all have been so kind to me with your uplifting email and love. It's meant the world to me- even if I haven't been up to writing back. I'm taking Monday off of work and plan to go into action on FINALLY setting up psychological intervention as well as other things I've been putting off to care for myself. Oh- and I'll call my neurologist (which, by the way, the ER doc said was the absolute BEST neurologist he's ever worked with), to see what new adventures await me.

The bearded eye-roller, bless his sweet soul, is now on high alert when we're in bed. The minute I get up to go to the bathroom, he's up too and walks me to wherever I need to go. He said that he's never going to let me go anywhere during the middle of the night without him. He's so sweet to me and I hate putting him through that.

I truly am considering a helmet. heh.

A weekend of watching the walls was just what I needed. I felt SOOOOO much better by Monday. Felt pretty great on Tuesday too. I've decided that I'm going to only take some of the meds the neurologist gave me on certain days, or for certain circumstances instead of all of them every day.

As y'all know, the bearded eye-roller is out of town again this week. This time it's on a business trip in Denver. Imagine how excited he was to learn that he and his peers would be riding horses in the winter as a team building activity. I'm pretty sure there was a bit of this when he got the news.

Anyhoo- the point of mentioning that BER is out of town is that I've discovered that keeping the TV off at night keeps me from doing the myoclonic jerking- so no need for the klonopin. That's a good thing, because let me tell you- between the seroquel and the klonopin it was awfully hard to pull my behind out of bed in the morning. I felt like I was a zombie. So, I've not taken the klonopin for 2 nights now (tonight will be my third) and so I feel much better in the morning.

I enjoy my time with BER in the evening, sitting on the couch and watching our shows together. I'm not going to give up TV, so I guess the decision will be whether I want to take the klonopin and be a zombie in the morning or jerk all night. I know that my jerking around really bothers BER because it worries him. What to do.... I'll work it out somehow.

As for the Provogil- hmmmm..... it makes me nauseated and gives me a headache. I think the Provigil makes me grind my teeth even MORE than I have been, and that gives me the headache.

HOWEVER.... even with all of that, it does allow me to 'seem' alert and more clear. So, I'll take it on the days that I'm in the office. That's where it's most important that I'm clear and alert.

Last night I decorated the house for Christmas and it looks great (IMHO). Maybe we'll have a taking down the tree Lori and Donny special. I just wasn't up to it. Tonight I'm going to address my (hilarious) home designed Christmas cards and get them in the mail. This leaves me tomorrow night to catch up with y'all. That's my plan....

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